New here but not new to anxiety

[Jrod2508]

When I was 23 I developed anxiety from physical queues. Good ol' health anxiety. Took me a bit to come back from chest pains caused by acid reflux, but I learned to cope with it. Last year I had some massive anxiety about some things that weren't related to anything physical. It weirded me out so badly I decided to do anything to help, so I tried SSRIs. I've recently stopped taking them (weened off by doctor), but I've had some bad days the past couple weeks. I never had suicidal ideation until I started taking the SSRIs, the idea of going back on them scared the crap out of me, the side effects were awful. I'm clearly traumatized by the year I had on SSRIs, because my biggest worry is no longer the physical triggers, but the idea that if this got bad enough would I want to commit suicide. I'm getting married soon, I want kids, and I coach high school kids, that I love. Just felt like I needed a place to vent, and maybe someone will respond, thabks

 

[MainerMikeBrown]

Welcome, Jrod, I'm glad you're here.

I'm glad you haven't committed suicide. You would have missed out on too many positive things, such as getting married.

 

[smilingsoul]

Jrod, I coach middle schoolers and honestly as nutty as that seems its one of the things that really helped me beat depression several years ago. I wanted to be someone they could depend on (though I feared I wasn't), and the more I lived up to that responsibility the better things got. I think that kind of community involvement, especially when you see a kid other people had dismissed suddenly grow into themselves, is very rewarding and important.

 

[Jrod2508]

Yea I think about that often, making sure I'm there for these kids, my fiancee etc. That's where my anxiety has flourished at the same time, because I'm afraid of dying. I never wanted to commit suicide, I still don't, my struggle is that it was never an option, I'm fearful of ever getting to a point where I feel it is. As ridiculous as it may sound

 

[MainerMikeBrown]

To many people, committing suicide is not an option. I'm glad it's not an option in your mind, Jrod.