New here and I’m a mess.

[YesImAWorryWort]

Where do I begin?

I’m 33, 5’3”, 128lbs.


I’ve suffered from anxiety and panic since I was 18.


So my mess of issues:

A couple weeks ago I heard about someone younger than me and my husband had passed away.


Death terrifies me. Seriously that, cancer and heart attack are daily fears of mine.


Well I had heard he had a brain aneurysm. A few hours later, I started feeling a cold spot on the left side of my head. I’ve had this sensation a few times before but this has been going on for a few days now, off and on. This didn’t start until I heard about this person that passed away.


Second issue:

The left side of my face gets numb sometimes, my DR has said it’s basically anxiety. It started happening again tonight when I read about someone that I know that just got diagnosed with breast cancer.


Breast cancer:

I fear this like many other women.


Bone cancer:

For about a year I’ve had this weird aching pain in my upper right inside thigh. Sometimes it hurts for no reason, sometimes the pain goes away after I get my hip adjusted (it goes out a lot).


These are daily issues I deal with. I also love going to concerts and am suppose to go next weekend to a summer concert, but I keep thinking I’ll have an aneurysm and it’ll rupture. I hate worrying. I want to feel normal; this isn’t normal.


I’ve seen a therapist here and there, it does help, but at my last appt, we left off on why I’m so afraid of death and it appears to be stemming from childhood memories of people passing away. The cancer fear I think stems from a book I read about a girl with cancer when I was in my younger teens, then at 18, when I was pregnant with my 2nd (yes 2nd at 18!) my 2nd cousins son who was about 3 or 4 passed away from neuroblastoma. I think that’s what honestly traumatized me. I often visited his update page and just freak out, then, I would go to other pages and just see more and more heartbreak.


Now a person I worked with, her son was diagnosed with cancer at age 1 or 2, they thought it was cured and it relapsed. He’s currently like 3 maybe, and I think in remission.



I just see and hear all of these stories and my brain just jumps to all of these conclusions.

 

[janemariesayed]

Bless you and thank you for sharing how you feel with us. Your aches and pains seem to be anxiety related and that anxiety seems to come from your early years.
I think your therapist is right. You have a fear of death itself so you imagine all sorts of ways it can happen. It doesn't help to see, hear or read about how others meet their end.

What are your beliefs about what happens after death? Think about this sentence and it may help you to come to terms a bit more. Death comes to us all. The thing is though, is that right now, we are alive. We are living. Breathing the breath of life into our lungs. The power in our bodies wakes us each day.

We live.

Try to live each day to the fullest. If you are afraid of death, then live each day as if it was your last. Find what makes you happy in life and start to live it to the full.

 

[Rinka]

Where do I begin?

I’m 33, 5’3”, 128lbs.


I’ve suffered from anxiety and panic since I was 18.


So my mess of issues:

A couple weeks ago I heard about someone younger than me and my husband had passed away.


Death terrifies me. Seriously that, cancer and heart attack are daily fears of mine.


Well I had heard he had a brain aneurysm. A few hours later, I started feeling a cold spot on the left side of my head. I’ve had this sensation a few times before but this has been going on for a few days now, off and on. This didn’t start until I heard about this person that passed away.


Second issue:

The left side of my face gets numb sometimes, my DR has said it’s basically anxiety. It started happening again tonight when I read about someone that I know that just got diagnosed with breast cancer.


Breast cancer:

I fear this like many other women.


Bone cancer:

For about a year I’ve had this weird aching pain in my upper right inside thigh. Sometimes it hurts for no reason, sometimes the pain goes away after I get my hip adjusted (it goes out a lot).


These are daily issues I deal with. I also love going to concerts and am suppose to go next weekend to a summer concert, but I keep thinking I’ll have an aneurysm and it’ll rupture. I hate worrying. I want to feel normal; this isn’t normal.


I’ve seen a therapist here and there, it does help, but at my last appt, we left off on why I’m so afraid of death and it appears to be stemming from childhood memories of people passing away. The cancer fear I think stems from a book I read about a girl with cancer when I was in my younger teens, then at 18, when I was pregnant with my 2nd (yes 2nd at 18!) my 2nd cousins son who was about 3 or 4 passed away from neuroblastoma. I think that’s what honestly traumatized me. I often visited his update page and just freak out, then, I would go to other pages and just see more and more heartbreak.


Now a person I worked with, her son was diagnosed with cancer at age 1 or 2, they thought it was cured and it relapsed. He’s currently like 3 maybe, and I think in remission.



I just see and hear all of these stories and my brain just jumps to all of these conclusions.

Hello and welcome

I have to totally agree with Janemary, your symptoms sound a lot like actual physical symptoms of anxiety.

It’s really weird but anxiety can make you feel physically sick and that is really scary.

In regards to death again, i have to agree with Janemary it’s a natural part of our live.
I remember watching the movie “hector's pursuit of happiness” and in one scene a woman with brain cancer, who is visiting her sister for the last time, said “the one who fears death, is afraid of living”

It’s part of what makes us human.

I believe in a form of afterlife. There is the law in physics that energy can never get lost, it will only change its form. And that is what I believe happens with us, we will never get lost, we will only change our form.
We are all part of this beautiful and exciting universe that will transform but never get lost.

 

[Desi8963]

Thank you for sharing that because I have the exact same fears. I hear about people getting problems and then I think I have them. I finally decided to talk to my mom about this and it turns out she has had some of the same issues and anxiety runs in my family. I made the decision today to make an appointment with my doctor to get wellness labs done. They will check my thyroid my red blood cells for cancer...my liver function, kidney function etc. I’m not gonna lie I’m scared to death to have these done. But after it’s on paper that I’m fine I’m hoping it will help my anxiety a bit. So maybe if you ask your doctor for a wellness check up it will make you feel a bit better too