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New and need some support

sadraven

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Hello. I have been really struggling the past few months with the quarantine and coronavirus scare. I have suffered from severe anxiety, panic disorder, social anxiety, and depression since I was a kid. In my twenties, I developed OCD and agoraphobia. I have done therapy and tried countless medications (which caused horrible side effects) but nothing helped. My lastest psychiatrist believed that my body has a resistance to antidepressants. Currently, I am seeing a therapist through televisits, but I am not taking medications. Anxiety medications are somewhat helpful, but my psychiatrist is not authorized to prescribe any of my states controlled substances, So anyway, things weren't good before the pandemic, but I was hanging on. Anxiety and depression were basically manageable. Then the quarantine started. I live by myself and have very few friends (social anxiety) and family. Both of my parents died fairly young and I am an only child and am single with no children. The little family I am in contact with has been mostly unhelpful, and at times, harmful. From the beginning of the quarantine, I had what most would consider an irrational fear of contracting the virus. As the quarantine continued, my fears worsened. Going outside for anything went from difficult to almost impossible. I haven't had human contact in over three months. I believe my anxiety is getting worse every day because of the isolation I have been in. When I'm not anxious, I'm in a deep depression from the loneliness and stress I feel. All of my issues have caused me to only have a couple of friends and family that I ever talk to. The one person who talks to me somewhat regularly has been more harmful than helpful, saying things that cause me to have panic attacks. I feel like my therapist is the only person I can open up to who actually listens to me and supports me. What I really need right now is some support and hopefully some new friends. I'm hoping I can find some here.
 

Talgin

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You are not alone! We all suffer with anxiety as well. This quarantine is causing distress with us all. Try to find a doctor that give you meds. They help me.
 

sadraven

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Thank you. Anxiety is so awful. I feel for everyone here. Honestly, I don't really want to depend on any of the kinds of drugs that would be helpful. In the past, I have used them for bad days, but now every day is a bad day. My mom was dependant on Xanax and the withdraw from not taking it caused her to have seizures. It was scary. From that moment on I have been afraid to take any of them regularly. I know logically that can be avoided with proper tapering, but my mind tends to frequently be illogical.
 

Talgin

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I also dont take xanax. That med is for a quick fix. I take zoloft daily. It helps your brain release the correct amount of serotonin. It is not addictive or mood altering.
 

sadraven

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I'm pretty sure zoloft is something I have tried, and it didn't work for me. I think I have tried pretty much everything that is available right now without luck. My psychiatrist got to the point where she was at a loss for what else to try. It's been incredibly frustrating. I'm glad zoloft has been helpful for you.
 

Talgin

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I know it can be hard to find the right medication. Unfortunately you have to take them for at least a month to get past the side effects. They do eventually go away. I have 2 friends that take effexor and they do well with that. I do hope you find some peace. Even on meds I still get anxiety attacks that last for days but they are few and far between. I do believe we do it to ourselves. The past few days I have had a gastro problem and my anxiety has been terrible. I finally have calmed myself down by realizing that fighting the symptoms makes it worse. They are only physical symptoms and can not hurt me so I let them happen and they start to go away. Please know that you are not alone!
 

sadraven

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Unfortunately the medications I had side effects from were so bad that staying on them was not an option. Some caused a scary amount of rage that made me feel dangerous, and some caused anxiety so bad I felt like I was in a neverending panic attack. I completely agree we do it to ourselves. I have way too much time to overthink things and I think that breeds anxiety. Thank you so much for your replies. I really appreciate it. I'm very sorry you have had gastro problems and that your anxiety has been bad. I'm glad you found a solution.
 

Siphonophorae

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If you’re looking for support, you have come to the right forum! Everyone here is helpful and supportive. None of my family or friends have anxiety (well, REAL anxiety anyway) but I do. Joining this place is one of my best ideas so far in my life. I’m so glad you decided to reach out, sadraven! It’s really comforting to know that people here you’ve never met care about you and your struggles. I don’t know if I’m anyone’s friend yet, but maybe one day I’ll get one. I feel sure you can too! Now, about quarantine and virus fears... they’re not totally unfounded. But when they get out of control, I agree something has to be done. You’ve contacted others, but you say they have been harmful. Again this is a great place to find hope and feel support. Staying in touch has always been hard for me (I am naturally very shy) and this year it was more important than ever. Unfortunately, I have only managed to stay in touch with around three of my friends. I lost about 20 “friendlies” and I have no idea how they’re doing. It’s scary for me, not knowing how the people I care about are doing. I don’t even know if they’re still alive (though I’m pretty sure). In response to this loss, I made the people I had contact with even more important than before. It feels very important to me that I have a link with a few of the friends I know, and they will actually see and talk back to me. I’m not just talking to a blank wall or something. Two-way communication makes me feel happy. I think when you do get some friends, sadraven, then you will start feeling better.
 

sadraven

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Thank you so much for your reply, Siphonophorae. I'm sorry I took so long to respond. I'm having such a tough time now, and it's never easy for me to do things like this. I have lost touch with people and have no idea how they are too. It's an awful feeling. I'm glad you have found some people that you can stay linked with that give you two-way communication. I don't feel like I have that with anyone right now.
 

Siphonophorae

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Thank you so much for your reply, Siphonophorae. I'm sorry I took so long to respond. I'm having such a tough time now, and it's never easy for me to do things like this. I have lost touch with people and have no idea how they are too. It's an awful feeling. I'm glad you have found some people that you can stay linked with that give you two-way communication. I don't feel like I have that with anyone right now.
You’re welcome! Even though I technically know no one here, I have never met them, probably never will, I feel like I know people here. Since, you know, you post and someone replies (hopefully), it feels like I’m talking to someone just like regular.
 
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