Neighbors

[Jemina]

I won't even go outside if I see my neighbors are out there. I won't even go to the window or draw back the curtains if they're in their yard.


This comes from the old neighbor's kids throwing their balls into my yard upwards of 20 times a day and if I didn't go out there and talk to them for 30+ minutes (which I have issues with doing anyway, holding a conversation with people I don't really want to be talking to for any length of time) they'd come over into my yard and get it themselves. This wouldn't be so bad if they didn't always leave the gate open (when it has a lock on it, they'd just undo it or break the lock or break my fence panels to get in!). They even used to uproot my plants, steal my things out of the yard and let my dogs out onto the road.


They've finally moved now, and I was hoping things might get better, but now the neighbor on the other side seems to have developed some kind of issue with me. If I even have the TV on, unless I'm using headphones they hammer on the wall, throw things at it (I've heard glass even smash before!) and yell "turn that noise down!". Yet I have to put up with their yelling at each other too from about 6am until 3am every day. They repeatedly park their car on my drive too. I don't have a car, but I don't like that they're parking theirs blocking my front door and where they can see right into my windows. I've had to resort to using the back door to come and go because their car will be in my way. Yet their drive is empty.


It's really frustrating but I don't like confrontation. I keep avoiding them and hoping if I'm quiet and stay indoors it'll get better but it doesn't seem to be. I like the house and I like the area but it really puts me off wanting to live here when the neighbors are like they are. I only rent anyway, whereas they own theirs so I don't see them moving any time soon. I can't afford to move right now either, but I'm thinking that may be the only option in the end if it carries on like this. And then I've got to deal with estate agents and meeting new neighbors and it feels like that could be even worse than this. Better the devil you know, springs to mind...


Does anyone else have an issue with their neighbors? How do you deal with it?

 

[John Snort]

Jemina you shouldn't let others rob your happiness. You may not be that assertive but that doesn't mean you can't do anything. Your neighbors are probably trying to deliberately provoke you, get some sort of reaction from you. Eventually you may need to confront your neighbors but you don't have to do it alone. Call a friend of yours who "will have your back" and together you'll demand that your neighbor stop harassing you. Don't run away from conflict Jemina. It might be the temporary solution (this time) but you can't learn how to stand up for yourself if you do. As a wise person once said, "the way to develop self-confidence is to do the thing you fear and get a record of successful experiences behind you."

 

[CarlosTL]

I totally relate to that, I hate obnoxious neighbors. I once lived in a house with a retired couple just in front of my window who spent their whole day in their yard smoking in 15 minutes intervals (even when it was freezing cold outside) and observing me and logging my activities and hours. I found it really stressful to the point of anxiety as I felt that I was under surveillance. Added to the strain was the fact that I was in bad period of my life just out of a job and looking for another and severely short on money.


I also currently have another old neighbor who constantly asks the most uncomfortable of questions whenever he runs into me entering or exiting the house, I try to avoid him as much as possible.


My strategy for this, is not well thought, but I try to not talk to them, tell them I am busy, appear busy and never give them the impression that they are important. Just look away, most of the time I don't even say Hi, I better appear rude than invite someone in to scrutinize my life.

 

[Alex]

Neighbors are a hard thing to deal with and if they have been there a while they may be used to certain things. Can you out something on the drive so they can't park there or say something to them? Perhaps they had an arrangement before and just thought it would carry on. Maybe leave a note on the car saying that you will be using the drive soon and please don't park? They won't stop unless you say something, and while you don't like confrontation you can only address issues if you bring them up.


Be nice and smile at them because then they can't say anything back. It is best to get on with them so if your TV is loud think about that or close the windows. Don't give them any ammunition to play with.

 

[artyarson]

Does anyone of you live in the apartment building? Do you chat with your neighbors who live in the same section as you? Of often do you see them? Do you avoid talking to them in the elevator or not?


I used to avoid talking but now I'm trying to be more friendly. It must pay off. I believe.

 

[amy88]

I actually have perfectly nice neighbors, but I do find spur of the moment conversation awkward, and I don't really go out into my yard if I see them out there either. Not because I don't think they're nice, good people - but I just hate getting stuck in situations where I have to make small talk. I always feel so uncomfortable, like I'm racking my brain for things to talk about, and then I can't think of anything to talk about - ugh! Even thinking about it right now as I am typing is making my heart race a little...

 

[Jemina]

John Snort - Maybe I'll have to see if a friend can be there when I talk to them. I've thought about even putting a note through their door asking them if they could not park so close to my front door for example. I mean, it's so close I can't get between the car and the door. And if I tried I'd probably set off their car alarm or damage their car in some way. Perhaps I need to see it more like I'm doing them a favor asking them to move it before it gets damaged? Because I'm sure that would cause even more issues if that happened.


@CarlosTL - The neighbors that had the children that kept throwing balls into my yard were a lot like that. If I came home late or early they'd be asking for details of what I'd be doing, as if it was their right to know. I used to avoid going home if they were outside even. I'd keep going past and come back again later so I could get in undisturbed sometimes because as soon as they knew I was in they'd be hammering on my door or throwing things at the house and into the garden.


@Alex - It could be they have an agreement with my landlord that they can park there, but then their driveway is empty so why not use their own? This one's mine. If they want to park between them to have more room on their side that's fine but I'd like access to my front door. Maybe I should ask them to move their car over, then put some pots out the front with plants in so they can't park right in front of my door. If they'd do that it'd be okay really. I could tolerate that.


My TV isn't loud, I can barely hear it a lot of the time. And my windows are shut. So I'm really not sure what the issue is, but it only ever seems to be when I have the TV on that this happens. I don't use any additional speakers other than the ones that are on the TV itself so it's not like I have super bass speakers that would rumble or anything either. I try to use headphones with the TV as much as possible now, but sometimes it's just not convenient to have headphones on while I watch TV (like when I had to have stitches on my ear after my cat caught it as a kitten when she thought my hair was fun to play with lol). I try to be nice to them when I see them but they don't seem to want to be nice in return. It makes my anxiety worse for sure.


@artyarson - I haven't lived in an apartment myself but my friends have and I know they've said they avoid people sometimes because they don't want to keep getting held up by talkative people or asked all manner of questions when they'd rather get on with things. I'd imagine it's harder to avoid people in an apartment building than it would be to avoid them in houses?


@amy88 - That's what makes me really uncomfortable having to talk to my neighbors. I don't like having to make small talk. I don't like when they want you to stand around and chat for ages. That makes me really uncomfortable. I'd rather only talk to them if I needed to really.

 

[Alex]

I do hope you get things resolved. Putting out some pot plants is a good idea and if they have their own drive why aren't they using it? It does seem strange. You could mention you have someone visiting and that you will need the drive free for when they arrive. Perhaps then they will just stop, because it does sound as if they are taking advantage of the situation and use it as spare free parking. You could always ask the landlord for clarification that the drive is yours to use and not shared for any reason.


Ultimately some people will always be difficult whatever you do, and the best way is to keep to yourself. As long as you aren't doing anything illegal there is nothing they can do. Having good neighbors these days can be a rare sadly.

 

[Jemina]

Thanks again for your answer, Alex. I appreciate it.


I think I'll get some plants out there and see if that changes anything, let them know I'm going to be doing something out there. I'll check it's not shared parking first though as you suggested, but I wouldn't think parking so close to my front door I can't use it would be considered a good place to park anyway. Hopefully I can get it resolved, because I hate feeling intimidated in my own house.

 

[janemariesayed]

My neighbours are all okay with me thankfully. I did have a 'to do' with one neighbour who was parking across my driveway but I told him not to. He didn't like it and we spoke to each other in olde English for a few minutes! Then we forgot about it and he stopped parking across my driveway. Sometimes I share a cuppa with a few neighbours but not very often. I prefer to keep my head down. Sometimes I don't answer the door either. I prefer the company of dogs over humans. If it were a dog knocking on the door to come in, I'd leave it open for them to just walk in.