Negative Words On Replay

[Panic57]

I find that I can remember almost every negative word or memory with almost perfect clarity. I'll go to a social event, drinks with friends, a party, or business seminar, and then my mind recalls a similar event where I messed up. That mistake will just play itself over and over in my mind until I'm so anxious that I want to leave. Even with people I love and who I know love me, some of the negative things they've said to me will just start sneaking in the background of my thoughts until they are so loud that it stressed me out. It makes me feel like I can't socialize without making a fool of myself and that I should just disappear. No matter how much I want to, I can't seem to shake those negative words and over the last couple years I feel like the words like idiot, loser, stupid, moron, and selfish bitch is tattooed onto my brain in a way that I'll never shake. I was wondering if you had that problem too or if it's just me thinking to much? How to you fight the demons in you head?

 

[Roscas]

There were moments (but very few and rare) I recall words hurled at me negatively. The recollection is triggered by a certain sound, smell or something visual ... feels like deja vu. But the triggers were strong. Honestly, in those instances of remembrance, I end up laughing at myself. My way of coping I suppose and this helps take away the memory of feeling hurt back then and how it felt. What helped with this kind of coping mechanism is understanding the context of those few and rare instances when mean words were said to me. It made me focus on what was said rather than who said them. It made me reflect on why those words were said at all. Those words said had affected me personally, but I have come to look at what happened pragmatically.


I can feel where you are coming from. You do not have to beat yourself up. It is YOU who is important to YOU. It is also YOU who can determine how to fight the demons in your head, what will work and how it will work for you. No one deserves meanness from anyone, not even from yourself. If you are overthinking it, go back and ask yourself why. It helps to get to know our selves first before others All human beings have the right to be respected. It is your privilege to exercise that right on yourself. As the song goes "You are beautiful.....words can't bring me down".

 

[Alex]

I find that people with anxiety will focus on words and overthink them, therefore a harmless word can seem negative. In another thread someone accused me of 'moping' and to stop moping around and that I find is negative. Fortunately the poster read my post incorrectly and made inaccurate assumptions, but the negative word is what people focus on.


These negative phrases and words are what triggers people, and you need to know and find your trigger words. There is nothing I hate more than people saying 'get over it' or 'you need to do this...' because they may you feel worthless and and that you have failed. I doubt someone who has suffered from depression or anxiety would ever say those words because they don't want to hear them let alone advocate their use.


I feel one must be careful when they say things, and not only online but in real life and to stop and think. Many people who have anxiety I would say are more aware of the consequences of saying the wrong thing, and that's good in some ways as it means you are considerate. People that use terms that they may not deem negative but are to someone who is anxious don't understand that consequences unless you tell them, and often they will retract or stop and think next time. Now, in real life being brave enough to tell someone that what they said triggered an anxiety attack is not easy, it takes courage, but I have done it (after rehearsing it in my head) and some of those people stopped using negative words.


You can try to ignore the words, but sometimes it's easier to avoid people who use them as you can't change them, but you can change your exposure to them or tell them how those words make you feel if you are close enough to them.

 

[oportosanto]

That's the thing, we are negative by nature and we have to fight against that.


I feel the same with my kids, I give a ton of good examples and wise advice (at least I like to think so ), but the one thing they memorize is something bad I do.


The same happens in our mind, we tend to focus on the negative things we do or that people say to us, when we could simply focus on all the good things that we have.

 

[NormaD]

My mentor once played a little game with us where he showed us a white sheet of paper with a small black dot in the milddle. He held it up to the class and asked us what we could see. Everyone in the room replied "A black spot" after which the teacher asked us "And none of you could see the big white sheet of paper?" We all laughed but that lesson stayed with me throughout the years because it reminds me to always look for the positive in a situaion and not foucs only on the negative.

 

[MissTea]

It takes a good deal of practice to train and discipline your mind to not focus on negative things, situations or words, but rather to focus only on the positive, but it can be done if we practice a little everyday, and before you know it you will be conditioned to only think about the positive aspects of a conversation or a person or situation. I have been keeping a journal where I list the positive aspects of anything and everything that I experience and it has really helped me to train my brain to look for the positive in any situation.

 

[Roscas]

"I doubt someone who has suffered from depression or anxiety would ever say those words because they don't want to hear them let alone advocate their use.


I feel one must be careful when they say things, and not only online but in real life and to stop and think. Many people who have anxiety I would say are more aware of the consequences of saying the wrong thing, and that's good in some ways as it means you are considerate."


"You can try to ignore the words, but sometimes it's easier to avoid people who use them as you can't change them, but you can change your exposure to them or tell them how those words make you feel if you are close enough to them."


Alex these are words of wisdom. I salute you. I like best the first line of yours I quoted here...."I doubt someone who has suffered......" Only those who have been there can really relate with the impact of harsh words - intended or not - on another. The rest can only put on the other person's shoe in an attempt to understand. Words are powerful. But let us not forget, actions speak louder. When we understand the real meaning of compassion, consideration for others will come naturally - that includes what we say and how we say these.

 

[Sue]

I have such a hard time with negative comments that I never forget them. They say in my head and play with my mind. Like you I never forget them and they hit me at the most unexpected times. I can be having a great time with somebody and then all of a sudden I will remember something that they said to me in a negative way and my mood changes instantly. I will become quiet at first and they won't understand what just happened. Then I will really get anxious and start stressing about it so much that I have to got walk away from that person. I have been trying to work on this because I know it only makes me miserable and I have gotten somewhat better but every now and then it will hit me and I just can't seem to shake it.

 

[pwarbi]

People do tend to remember the bad times more than the good I feel, and a lot of that is because they are the moments that stick with us and affect us more at the time, as well as looking back. I think that we have all probably had more good times than bad times though, and even though I think it's important to learn from the bad times, dwelling on them is only going to stop you from moving forward and if they are going to stay with you, then at least learn from them and they will at least then be less likely to happen again in the future.

 

[CrepesforDapes]

I think this is a really common thing that people with anxiety/depression experience. When my depression was at it's peak, I couldn't do anything at any social events, so I always ended up either leaving early and hating myself for it, or awkwardly standing in the corner thinking "wow this is weird I don't belong here."


I think the biggest way of dealing with this is slowly exposing yourself to identify where your anxiety comes from. Personally, mine came from being uncomfortable with who I was. So, I decided to fix that by keeping track of the food I was eating and going to the gym. After just a month or two, I was feeling so much better about myself, and a lot of my anxiety went away. If you can understand where your anxiety is coming from, there's a good chance you'll be able to fix the problem and feel better in every situation.

 

[kelden]

You remember well because negative opinions of you about yourself strengthen self loathing. Like "You actually are not made for this", "You can't", "talentless", etc. This kind of thoughts make you realize how "right" they are, since is evident you are not fit to do something. And after a stream of negative feedback, you feel incapable to actually attempt to prove them wrong, because your preconceptions prevents it.

 

[gracer]

Sometimes I also have the tendency to remember the negative moments rather than the positive ones, especially if I'm put in a similar situation once again. I would sometimes worry that the same mistake would happen again and I would embarrass myself in front of people once more. But just like what pwarbi said, I take consolation in assuring myself that I shouldn't dwell on the negative things but rather gather strength on the positive things that happened in my life. Whenever I feel like I'm on the verge of panicking, it really helps to pause for awhile, breath in and out slowly, and think of positive things that would help me calm my nerves.

 

[amy88]

I am very much the same in that negative words/feeling/emotions seem to be easily remembered, but the good stuff has a harder time coming to the forefront.


My husband always tries to challenge me to try and remember the good stuff by journaling it. I write in my journal daily anyway, and he always reminds me to try and write some good stuff in there - positive things that happened, compliments that people gave me that day, things like that. By consciously writing down the good stuff, it seems to push any negativity away and helps me focus on the positives in day to day life.

 

[Joel7050]

My way to deal with such terrible memories is to mess them up. Take a hold of yourself. Grab that memory that's replaying. Just grab it in your mind with all your strength. Now replay it differently. Little by little. Say you fell down. Change it! Change it to your friend who fell down with you. Now change the entire scene. Mess things up. Say you're holding a soccer ball. Say everyone was wearing a small pink jacket. Say you didn't even fall down. A table collapsed instead. Say the lights went off. Change everything. Mess it up. Create all kinds of the same scenario where different things happened. Now tell yourself it's true. Say all these did happen. Create tens of these scenarios and add them to your memory. Soon you'll get so confused. The bad memory you messed up won't come back. You won't remember what actually happened. It usually takes about 10 to 15 minutes. It's best to do this at home, alone, calm. Close your eyes and start messing up your worst memories.

 

[sidney]

I have been insulted quite a lot by my father and occasionally, by other people, but as I grew older, I tend to get immune to anything I've heard once, then if I hear the same thing again then it seems to have no effect on me anymore. If my memory permits, then I still remember some of those negative words, but no hurt emerges from them. I just love this trait of mine. It's like I have become insensitive to most negative words.

 

[justsayyes]

I do tend to focus on the negative things as well. I don't really know why that is. I guess I'm addicted to making myself feel miserable all the time? I read a book and i remember the author's words about how human can also be addicted to pain and misery. I guess I'm part of that group. I seek out negative feelings because being in this state has become a default state for me.

 

[John Snort]

It can be hard to forget the things people say to you. And though it is said that time heals all wounds, sometimes it doesn't. You have to take the initiative to deal with the bad memories. The past is gone. No one can change it. Hard though it might be you need to let the past go. Focus on today. Start each day that way. Think not of the past, nor the future. It will stress you up, rob you of happiness. I'm not saying it will be easy but it can be done if you learn mindfulness meditation. There are numerous videos on youtube which could provide you with all the information you need).

 

[pwarbi]

My way to deal with such terrible memories is to mess them up. Take a hold of yourself. Grab that memory that's replaying. Just grab it in your mind with all your strength. Now replay it differently. Little by little. Say you fell down. Change it! Change it to your friend who fell down with you. Now change the entire scene. Mess things up. Say you're holding a soccer ball. Say everyone was wearing a small pink jacket. Say you didn't even fall down. A table collapsed instead. Say the lights went off. Change everything. Mess it up. Create all kinds of the same scenario where different things happened. Now tell yourself it's true. Say all these did happen. Create tens of these scenarios and add them to your memory. Soon you'll get so confused. The bad memory you messed up won't come back. You won't remember what actually happened. It usually takes about 10 to 15 minutes. It's best to do this at home' date=' alone, calm. Close your eyes and start messing up your worst memories.[/quote']
While I do understand what you are saying, and if a person is able to try and turn those bad memories around by making them positive ones then that s going to help. At the same time though I think people need to be careful not to change things in their minds too much because you run the risk of lying to yourself. For all the negative things in your life, the best advice is to always try and take some positives out of it if you can, but if you change those bad memories too much then you will start to think that as well as there being no negatives, you aren't able to find any positives either and you really do need both in order for you to grow and develop as a person.

 

[Jemina]

Sometimes I can end up focusing a lot on the negative things that happened, particularly when I feel like I did something wrong or hurt or upset someone else, but when someone says or does hurtful things to me too. If it's negative I seem to remember it a lot more than I do if it's positive. That being said though, I find I can change things around by trying to list positive things that happened at the same time or positive things that I can learn from the experience. That way I don't tend to focus quite so much on the bad things any more. It doesn't always happen that way, but it helps me sometimes anyway.

 

[misszerable]

I've had my share of mistakes, huge ones, in the past, and even up to the present. If I can block them out of my memory, I'll gladly do that, but can't. There just seems to be something in the present that evokes those bitter and hurtful memories. Some are even more painful because there's nothing I can do to make amends or it is too late to say I'm sorry. In my case, I've turned to my faith and hold on to God's word that I have been cleansed and that I am clean and white as snow. That is what I would tell myself whenever the past comes back to haunt me.