Need to talk.

[Anxiety Ridden Andy]

Hi I'm a newbie here. I have had anxiety and depression since adolescence I'm 40 now. Started at roughly 13 convinced I was going to catch hiv . At the present it's quicker to say what I don't get anxious about. Handbrake on. Speed cameras. Oven on etc etc. All ending in catastrophe.

By far the worst anxiety I have is people thinking I'm a paedophile. I feel like when people talk about the subject or their kids, I blush and panic thinking they think I'm one. Like they only bring the subject up for that reason. This hadn't happened for some years. But has happened again this week. It has sent me into a panic of anxiety

It terrifies me because I have a son who I love more than anything in the world and the thought of losing him is crippling.

I'm sharing because I need to talk. Don't know what else to do.

Thanks

 

[adamden]

Hi Andy - welcome to the forum first of all. Happy to have you here. First off, I’m very sorry to hear that you’ve been battling anxiety for a long time. I can’t imagine what that’s been like.
But in regards to your recent worries, let me ask you this question. What would make people think that you are a pedophile? Unless there was something absolutely justifiable that would make them think this way, I don’t see any reason to worry about it. I understand the fear of the severity of the topic, but unless people had a reason to believe it, they aren’t going to. Especially not on the topic of losing your son. How old is your son? I’m sure he loves you just as much as you love him. You won’t lose him
Have you sought out therapy for your anxiety or are you currently on any medication?
Hope you can find comfort in this post

 

[Anxiety Ridden Andy]

As I said it's only my behaviour when some people talk about their kids. I involuntarily blush and look uncomfortable. I instantly worry they think I am one. My friend said the same as you, people only think people are pedophiles if they have reason. But in my head it seems so real.

He's 5. He's by best friend haha. He lives with his mum but I have him every weekend.

I am going back to the doctors tomorrow. I am currently on 75mg of venlafaxine.

Thanks for the reply

 

[adamden]

As I said it's only my behaviour when some people talk about their kids. I involuntarily blush and look uncomfortable. I instantly worry they think I am one. My friend said the same as you, people only think people are pedophiles if they have reason. But in my head it seems so real.

He's 5. He's by best friend haha. He lives with his mum but I have him every weekend.

I am going back to the doctors tomorrow. I am currently on 75mg of venlafaxine.

Thanks for the reply

I can understand why that would make you fear that people would think that way, but again, unless they have a real reason to think that, they won’t. Human nature wouldn’t allow it .
That’s so awesome! At least you still get the chance to see him, that makes me happy.
By doctor’s, do you mean someone who specializes in mental health?

 

[Anxiety Ridden Andy]

No gp. But I'm going to ask to be referred. (in U. K). Also ask for something for my anxiety

 

[adamden]

No gp. But I'm going to ask to be referred. (in U. K). Also ask for something for my anxiety

I think that's a great idea. Hope you can get the help that will be beneficial to you

 

[Anxiety Ridden Andy]

Thanks very much for your support

 

[adamden]

Thanks very much for your support

It's the least I can do, welcome to the forum once again

 

[Coconut]

I don't know if this helps, but our great mind produces millions and millions of thoughts over a lifetime. We don't even notice them most of the time. However when a disturbing thought or idea catches our attention we will give it power, by worrying.

I've seen a psychiatrist a few times. For me it went to slow, but she said it's quite a few having a fear of phobias. If you go 100 years, and even some today, homophobia was quite normal. Because, it was so taboo discussing it, lots of people were afraid they were, or was seen as gay. A thought doesn't really meen anything.

I've gone through phases with different stuff, but they have luckily not created anxiety. Things like jumping from high buildings when on top of them, or into the rail track or that someone could push me. It's more common than you think and I think everyone gets them and we survive. People don't push people into the road just because a thought pops up. It can create fear and when we're good with ourselves we ignore it.

For your comfort I'm going through one set of thoughts which creates a chain effect of fear, shame and bewilderment due to a traumatic experience a while ago. I know it's not real, but it triggers me. I'm still learning to live with it. Ignoring my reactions to the fear. I've taken some medication which is helping and will taper down soon. With support, excerise, belief and purpose things can really change.

Thoughts can create some great stuff. It's only you who gives it power by paying attention to it. Be kind to yourself. You know who you are. You know that your love for your son is nothing but kindhearted. You'll have plenty to worry about as he gets older, so what you think others think, is not helpful to you or him.

Good luck. I hope you're doctor is helpful. Be honest, straightforward and you'll hopefully receive the help you need.

 

[Anxiety Ridden Andy]

I don't know if this helps, but our great mind produces millions and millions of thoughts over a lifetime. We don't even notice them most of the time. However when a disturbing thought or idea catches our attention we will give it power, by worrying.

I've seen a psychiatrist a few times. For me it went to slow, but she said it's quite a few having a fear of phobias. If you go 100 years, and even some today, homophobia was quite normal. Because, it was so taboo discussing it, lots of people were afraid they were, or was seen as gay. A thought doesn't really meen anything.

I've gone through phases with different stuff, but they have luckily not created anxiety. Things like jumping from high buildings when on top of them, or into the rail track or that someone could push me. It's more common than you think and I think everyone gets them and we survive. People don't push people into the road just because a thought pops up. It can create fear and when we're good with ourselves we ignore it.

For your comfort I'm going through one set of thoughts which creates a chain effect of fear, shame and bewilderment due to a traumatic experience a while ago. I know it's not real, but it triggers me. I'm still learning to live with it. Ignoring my reactions to the fear. I've taken some medication which is helping and will taper down soon. With support, excerise, belief and purpose things can really change.

Thoughts can create some great stuff. It's only you who gives it power by paying attention to it. Be kind to yourself. You know who you are. You know that your love for your son is nothing but kindhearted. You'll have plenty to worry about as he gets older, so what you think others think, is not helpful to you or him.

Good luck. I hope you're doctor is helpful. Be honest, straightforward and you'll hopefully receive the help you need.

Thanks very much a helpful post. I know all this because I have practiced meditation in the past. Something I'm starting again tomorrow. It's just so hard when it gets in your head and you are already low, I disregard it . It seems the negative thought pattern is the reality.

 

[Coconut]

Like meditation, dealing with this can't be forced. It's just acceptance. I know how it feels. Been there and done it, and in many ways still there.

What helped me in the beginning to just give my mind 15 minutes of peace was Zumba videos on YouTube. I don't dance, I have no rythm, cannot sing and had my prejudices on it. But, being and feeling silly for just a moment helped me out of not taking the irrational self, thoughts and worries so damn serious. I could laugh at and with myself. I even started doing it in front of wife and kids who had great pleasure in seeing me make a dumbass out of myself. It was just a great chain reaction.

Have a look yourself at the Zumba. Maybe it gives you and your son a well deserved brake

 

[Anxiety Ridden Andy]

Thanks. I'll give the zumba a try haha

 

[Anxiety Ridden Andy]

Bought some cbd oil today too. Hoping that helps

 

[Anxiety Ridden Andy]

Really recommend cbd. Got drops and the vaping juice. Vaping juice is relaxing me