Need guidance :( partner of boyfriend with GAD

[walkingonglass]

Hi everyone . I'm the partner of someone who has suffered with anxiety for years.

I really need to know from you guys if what he feels is to do with anxiety.
We've been together for 6 years now, and I feel like our relationship is great mostly. We've been through a lot together and always loved and supported eachother through the ups and downs of life. If anything goes wrong then both count on eachother without a shadow of a doubt.
I know everything about him down to the smallest details and same with him. We have all the REAL stuff between us, the things that MEANS something in the long term of life. When we first met, we were head over heals and crazy about eachother.

My concern is, every now and then and a lot more now, he tells me he doesn't feel that 'spark' anymore, he doesn't feel 'excitment' he doesn't feel that buzz. And I explained that it's totally normal because as a relationship grows, you get that 'mature' love and the comfort. You get the real bond.
Any of his exes that he claims have had all that excitement with has never actually known anything about him! Like they didn't know him on a personal level.

I personally think this is due to his anxiety because he suffers from it really bad. And it's like, he wants everything in life to be sooo exciting and lively. Even his workplace, he can't stand it if it's quiet or the people are 'boring' and get on with it.

What do you guys think? Would appreciate any replies because I'm feeling really upset about this.

 

[Concernedgal]

What your asking g is if this is normal and what can you do right? Well, for starters don't say you understand or try to baby him for it because in the long run that hurts the situation but, at the same time though keep the support available. All you can do for him is lend an ear.. that's all. And may I say... it sounds like he is depressed. Anxiety and depression goes hand in hand. Believe me. .. I know. Ugh. When he says that spark is gone what he's really saying is .. i'm sad. And he really is sad. His life has changed it really has. You say that he had a love for life and all of a sudden. .. life kicked in and the difference between you and your boyfriend is that your boyfriends brain was developed differently than yours and can't handle the stresses of life like you can . And again... I can't stress enough! Don't say you understand, that pisses us off honestly and don't act like you understand either. I know that sounded bitchy and I wasn't trying to sound that way but, I couldn't say it anyway else. For better advice .. can you tell me more specific information about your situation? Has he been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder? Is he receiving treatment? If so... talk to his doctor about trying something else... doesn't sound like his current treatment is working.

 

[janemariesayed]

Hiya @walkingonglass and welcome to the forum.

You have been together for a long time with your boyfriend and you are right that a relationship moves on and the love should grow deeper. You say that he gets bored easily, well, why not try to spice things up a little? Surprise him with something nice. Do something different together. If you want ideas let us know and we will give you some.

As far as dealing with his anxiety, Concerned Gal is right. The illness is not something that non-sufferers understand. All you can do is be there for him and give him your support when he is feeling anxious. We all suffer it in our own way. We can feel sick, panicky, shaky, depressed, angry, frustrated and more. Either all at once or one feeling at a time. We can say things we don't mean, or we can say things in a way we don't mean them so don't take what he says for 100%. But then at the same time, he says he is bored. Then unbore him. Change things for him. And don't tell him it's for him. Tell him YOU want to go and try that new restaurant. Or tell him YOU want to try out ice skating. Or tell him YOU want to try out a new position in the bedroom. That way, he won't feel any shame. Because we can feel ashamed too about our condition and embarrassed. So don't embarrass him, I know you don't want him to feel embarrassed.

If you make out that these feelings are coming from you, he will enjoy the change and be doing something different. It'll give you something different to talk about. Change your routine and love him regardless.

 

[Hope Matthew1128]

What does he do during the day when he's not with you or with social group of friends? Is he the kind of person who cannot bear being idle and being unproductive? If that's the case, he must look for new or need-to-be-done projects at home or outdoor. If he's done all that, I'm sure he has hundreds of ideas to create projects or work he can do.

Antidepressants or opiods are more detrimental and not very good. Exercise, healthy and nutritious food and surrounding ourselves with positive happy things help improve well being.

 

[Danes]

Well said, HopeMatthew1128. I would just like to stress the importance of being around positive people and influences for regaining your mental health. A lot of people don't take that part seriously enough and would rather ply themselves with all kinds of pills, but with a little bit of practice daily and a determination to at least 'lean' in the direction of better-feeling thoughts each day, within a relatively short space of time you could find that your life is totally transformed.