Need Advice

[Easy]

Hello, I am in my mid thirties and have two wonderful children ages 2 and 4. I have a very happy marriage. When my second child was born my wife had a c-section and had her tubes tied. The doctor actually took one of the tubes completely out. I read a ton of stuff on the internet that tubal ligation can fail...but only 1% do ever fail. Due to my GAD I decided to get a vasectomy. 12 weeks after my vasectomy I was tested and the test was negative...meaning no sperm. I still worried about both of our sterilizations failing. So two months later I went and got checked again...still no sperm. I find sex not as enjoyable due to this anxiety and every 25 days or so I panic waiting for my wife to have her period. I realize this is a very personal issue, but I'm finding a hard time finding anyone to discuss this with. In my head I know the odds are historic, but it still eats at me every day. The main reason I don't want a third child is two is enough work for us. I also worry about money. Any advice on how to better cope? Much appreciated.

 

[janemariesayed]

Hello, I am in my mid thirties and have two wonderful children ages 2 and 4. I have a very happy marriage. When my second child was born my wife had a c-section and had her tubes tied. The doctor actually took one of the tubes completely out. I read a ton of stuff on the internet that tubal ligation can fail...but only 1% do ever fail. Due to my GAD I decided to get a vasectomy. 12 weeks after my vasectomy I was tested and the test was negative...meaning no sperm. I still worried about both of our sterilizations failing. So two months later I went and got checked again...still no sperm. I find sex not as enjoyable due to this anxiety and every 25 days or so I panic waiting for my wife to have her period. I realize this is a very personal issue, but I'm finding a hard time finding anyone to discuss this with. In my head I know the odds are historic, but it still eats at me every day. The main reason I don't want a third child is two is enough work for us. I also worry about money. Any advice on how to better cope? Much appreciated.

Hello, @Easy and a very warm welcome to our friendly community here. Try to relax your concerns about a third child. If it happens and your wife does get pregnant you could either keep it or have it aborted. Depending on your views. Hopefully, it won't happen and it will all be okay. The longer the time goes that both of you have been sterilised means that the body becomes closed to producing and reversal is impossible.
If you worry too much it will affect your health and your marriage so do try and put it out of your mind.

As far as money is concerned, write out a list of outgoings and incomings. Pay your bills first and see what you have left over before spending willy-nilly. You seem sensible and that is a good thing. As you have both been sterilised I doubt very much that you will end up pregnant again. Relax, it's okay.

 

[Easy]

Thanks for understanding and providing your advice. I have calculated the odds and it is close to 1 in a million that both methods of sterilization would fail at the same time...so it truly would be a miracle. It doesn't seem to help much, but I am doing better today.

 

[janemariesayed]

Thanks for understanding and providing your advice. I have calculated the odds and it is close to 1 in a million that both methods of sterilization would fail at the same time...so it truly would be a miracle. It doesn't seem to help much, but I am doing better today.

Oh, bless you! At least you realise that your concern is probably unwarranted. I have reached that stage with my PTSD too. When I get a flashback I'm able to recognise that it isn't real now. They still hurt like crazy and throw me into panic attacks but it isn't so bad. Keep telling yourself what you are and hopefully, in time you will find that the fear hasn't come to mind for ages.