My wife is a stay at home mom with Social Anxiety.

[Guest]

What can I do to help? My wife stays home with our 4 year old only child. She has a hard time going out and doing things with her, like finding friends, going to story hour ... etc. She wants so bad to have friends, but it seems as though she's too nervous and thinks she can't make friends or that no one likes her or that she's weird. She feels so guilty because she feels like she can't provide a social life for our daughter, or be an example as a "socialite" herself. Are there any other people in similar situations? please help!


Thanks,


Concerned husband...

 

[kgord]

Not everyone is a socialite, and I don't think she should beat herself up for that. I think you should advise her to "fake it until she makes it." taking the first step is always the hardest. It may be some people won't like her, and think she is weird, but some people may, and she is missing out by not trying. IF her anxiety is really overwhelming, she may need professional assistance, but it doesn't sound like she is at that point.

 

[peace_and_purrs]

I have social anxiety sometimes. Here are some things that have helped.


- Therapy Seeing a therapist one has helped me deal with all sorts of things in life. Some people also benefit from group therapy, which can be a lot cheaper as well.


- Medication I can't function without it.


-Finding people who like me just as I am The people who like me best are the ones who accept or tolerate my imperfections.


-Learning to like myself, flaws and all Once you're pretty okay with who you are, you stop caring about how much people like you.


It sounds like your wife is really hard on herself. Perhaps if she learned to be a bit more patient and kind to herself then she might be able to function better.


BTW, does she get out of the home much? Sometimes it's helpful just to get out and practice being in the presence of others in places like the store, post office etc.

 

[MellowCat]

Hi @stangthang752 It's really good that you are trying to understand and help. My first advice would be to take it slowly and have patience. It may take her a long time to make small changes. However, the fact that she does seem to be concerned, especially for your daughter, is a good sign.


Could she try making a play date where one other mom came over with her son/daughter in order to play instead of going to a play group? This might help her to feel less anxious, if she can socialize in the comfort of home. It could also be a set time to make it easier. She could agree with the person coming over that she has an appointment to get to an hour after that, or however long she wants, and then she is not committing herself to an indefinite amount of socializing.


It would also be helpful if she could make friends who understand. Some of them may also have social anxiety, or other mental health issues. One way to meet people who would understand might be on a form, or a social media platform.


I second what peace said about therapy. It can work wonders. But remember, be patient, and only suggest this if you think she would be receptive. People can become very defensive if someone else suggests this and they aren't ready. (Speaking from experience!)

 

[lexinonomous]

Well, it really depends on what your wife wants out of life. Is your wife upset that she isn't socializing? Does she even want to socialize? Some people are anti social, but enjoy the idea of not having to be around people. I know that my mother suffers from social anxiety, but has little to no desire to socialize with others. We used to feel bad for her because her only time to have fun was with the kids, but now I'm starting to realize that it's the life she enjoys. Her kids have become her life and there's nothing wrong with that.


The best way to help your wife is to sit down and ask her if she needs anything more out of life. Make sure to go by what her feelings are. Is it bothering you that she stays home and doesn't want to get out?

 

[amy88]

I'm much in the same boat myself as a SAHM with a 1 year old.


I think the biggest thing for me is having some people I already know who go to things like storytime with me. Feeling like I have that safety net of some friends who attend as well is very helpful.


I think as soon as I can enrol my child into some sort of pre-school program I will be doing that - just so she can have interaction with other children. I don't want my social anxiety to get in the way of her having fun with other kids - and that's what worries me.

 

[kelden]

Look if there is a local or internet group for people with social anxiety issues.Making friends by Empathy is always a safe and soothing option.

 

[ReadmeByAmy]

I believe that not everybody is good at socializing and I must admit that I am one of them before. When I was still a child up to the time I was in high school I am always afraid to talk and to face other people that is why I rather stay at home and to stay away from the social life outside. But I am glad that when I was in College I decided for myself that things should change and that I should not remain to be like this forever. I became more interactive and friendly and that is the start of my new existence as a person. I am sure your wife can also do the same with your moral support and guidance as his husband. Try to boost her self confidence in a way you think she can make it on her own to stay away from her negative thoughts that she cannot socialize with other people.

 

[rz3300]

Well I am not usually the person to worry about having a social life, and I couldn't care less about my social life, but everyone is different and we all know that we need human interaction to live a normal life. The good news for your wife is that there are several people in similar situations, it is just a matter of connecting with them. I would also say be open and honest with her about how she feels, because she may be feeling something different than what you are interpreting it as. I know that happens to me probably twice a day.