My mind fell into sleep

[Anonymous_12343]

Today I had an oral test. I felt strange. I was speaking but it was like my mind was somewhere else. I snapped out of it when my teacher called me repeatedly. I was like disconnected from the world. And I didn't even care about the grade. It felt so empty. It is happening more frequently in this period. I thought I was getting better. I thought I was feeling happy. I really did. But I was wrong.
I was feeling proud of me, confident, happy. But then...I don't know how, it's been days that I'm back to my old self. And I hate this because I was making progress. I mean, I was finally happy. And now I'm not. I feel constantly judged by myself, alone, depressed

 

[Jonathan123]

Today I had an oral test. I felt strange. I was speaking but it was like my mind was somewhere else. I snapped out of it when my teacher called me repeatedly. I was like disconnected from the world. And I didn't even care about the grade. It felt so empty. It is happening more frequently in this period. I thought I was getting better. I thought I was feeling happy. I really did. But I was wrong.
I was feeling proud of me, confident, happy. But then...I don't know how, it's been days that I'm back to my old self. And I hate this because I was making progress. I mean, I was finally happy. And now I'm not. I feel constantly judged by myself, alone, depressed

This is what I call the 'YO YO' effect. Up one day down the next. Even from hour to hour it can change. This phenomena is so common in anxiety and it is so disconcerting. We feel we are improving only to be thrown into despair when we go down again. Take it as it comes and try and accept it as part of the process of anxiety.
You won't always be this way.
Another interesting point I would like to make is that you should not think of yourself 'strange' in some way. Many people who have an understanding that goes beyond normal thinking think of themselves as 'odd' or even 'weird'. They are not that but may well have sensibilities beyond the so called 'normal. It is so often a rare gift that should be seen as an advantage not a fault. There is a book called 'The boy who saw True'. I don't know the author but you will find it on Amazon. The boy had rare gifts as a child, but was ridiculed so much when he got older that he lost them. The feeling of being disconnected is known as depersonalization. It can happen a lot when we are anxious.
No worries, just carry on practising acceptance.

 

[Anonymous_12343]

Thanks. It's just that, even if I try, I really can't like what I see when I look at myself

 

[MATD]

Thanks. It's just that, even if I try, I really can't like what I see when I look at myself

Change doesn’t happen overnight. It take time and persistence and practice. You’ve gotten into a habitual way of thinking so, as with any habit, it takes time to overcome.

 

[Jonathan123]

Thanks. It's just that, even if I try, I really can't like what I see when I look at myself

Don't try too hard. Trying can be like fighting or struggling, none of which help anxiety one bit. It's best if you do accept what is happening as a teaching experience. I know from my own experiences that anxiety taught me so much about myself I would never have known had I not had it. When you look at yourself what do you see? A human being who is going through a bad patch but who will recover in time. Yes, it takes time and can't be rushed. Everyone, even so called 'normal' people, become anxious at some time, but the difference is that they lose it once the danger has passed. Anxiety sufferers don't, they hang on to the fear by fearing it will come again. Fear is always at the root of anxiety.