My life at 18

[Farhan]

I just become a member today. I usually don't like talking about anxiety and stuff online but I'm at a point where I feel talking about it will make things a bit better for me. I'm 18 and have been suffering with severe anxiety for 2 years. My anxiety started at the age of 14 but these past 2 years have been extremely severe. I have derealization, agoraphobia and panic disorder (Sometimes hypochondria). These past 2 years I've missed out on my graduation, prom and a bunch of other stuff. I had plans to go to university but life happened lol. I've lost a lot of friends this year as well, most of them found ways to break my trust with them. I have literally 0 people who I can say are my friends. For most of these 2 years I've been alone in my room and the only thing that's been keeping me "happy" is making music. I have no girlfriend either and haven't had a girlfriend ever. I have lost all hope in terms of having a girlfriend or any type of friend to be honest. As much as I'd love to tell you how I love being alone and stuff the truth is I'm sad as hell. Looking around me seeing everyone do the typical things 18 years are suppose to do (partying, hanging around with each other, drinking, etc) while I'm just stuck in my room making music. Pills don't help, alcohol doesn't help, nothing helps. I'm just stuck at rockbottom and have been for these past 2 years. I barely go outside due to my anxiety. I guess some people are just ment to suffer in this life. Oh well. But that's my story and my introduction

 

[Rinka]

Hi @Farhan,
I have to say that it's a big step for anyone to start sharing their experiences. That's the first step in making a change for yourself.
I am sorry to hear that you feel alone and sad. Your story reminded me of my time, it started at a similar age actually.
But of course everyone's experiences are different and the outcome especially.
For example I cam to a point in my life where I just had enough of laying in bed and playing games. I consciously decided to change things, to change my life.
I left my small town in Germany and moved to London England.
Since then my life has improved. I still have anxiety and panic attacks, but the resolution to continue working on me and my life to enjoy it the way it feel is right for me.

I am not saying that this is the right thing or that's it's who you change things, but it helped me.

I am confident that you will find your way, if you really want to change your life and want to work on your own happiness.

 

[JCP]

Welcome to the site @Farhan, sorry your having such a bad time

 

[JCP]

Sounds like you have social anxiety as well?

On another note, this video might be useful to you, he doesn't talk about anxiety, actually it's financial related but he brings up good points about "having fun" when your young (or not!). Try not to feel bad

 

[Farhan]

Glad to know that you've made big changes in your life and are in a better place @Rinka . But sadly due to my high levels of anxiety I cannot make changes like that at this point of my life. I wanted to move to LA by the time I was 18 but things don't always happen the way you want it to.

 

[Farhan]

I have every type of anxiety you could think of lol @JCP . I overthink a lot

 

[Rinka]

Glad to know that you've made big changes in your life and are in a better place @Rinka . But sadly due to my high levels of anxiety I cannot make changes like that at this point of my life. I wanted to move to LA by the time I was 18 but things don't always happen the way you want it to.

Believe me it was and is not easy. It took me over 10 years to come to a point where it had enough.
I basically started my live with 28.
You might not be able to make changes now, but I do think in time you will find a way to live with yourself.

 

[Concernedgal]

I used to be a pretty confident girl until one day in the back seat of my best friends car on the way to a party... my life changed forever. A had my first panic attack. There was no reason for it either. I was having fun and just living my life and "boom". Theres nothing like that first panic attack it actually allows you to know how it feels to die. So for that reason.. you go through great lengths to avoid another one, but, the bitch of it is that no matter where you are and what you do... the fear of the fear actually creates panic attacks. As hard as it is to do...you have to retrain your brain. I used to feel as if I was floating above my own body and sometimes I would look in the mirror and not recongnize my own face. The point is that having panice disorder sucks but,life goes on and you have to live it. If anxiety is all you think about then that all that's going to matter which is so easy to do when your a sufferer. So, try to go back out there and live.. live no matter what. Ignore the feeling of your anxiety and expose them for what they really are... adrenaline. .. that's it! It's just your adrenaline feeding your brain false information that your in danger when your not . And think about your own medication making you feel dizzy,lightheaded... etc. If your taking an ssri.. consider asking your doctor about a norapinephrine inhibitor instead. Anxiety and depression treatment is all one big guessing game . What works for one doesn't work for another so don't give up. Life is out there kid... go live it, go get you a girlfriend and start living. (You would be surprised of how many women have thus in common with you ).

 

[XmasCarol52]

I just become a member today. I usually don't like talking about anxiety and stuff online but I'm at a point where I feel talking about it will make things a bit better for me. I'm 18 and have been suffering with severe anxiety for 2 years. My anxiety started at the age of 14 but these past 2 years have been extremely severe. I have derealization, agoraphobia and panic disorder (Sometimes hypochondria). These past 2 years I've missed out on my graduation, prom and a bunch of other stuff. I had plans to go to university but life happened lol. I've lost a lot of friends this year as well, most of them found ways to break my trust with them. I have literally 0 people who I can say are my friends. For most of these 2 years I've been alone in my room and the only thing that's been keeping me "happy" is making music. I have no girlfriend either and haven't had a girlfriend ever. I have lost all hope in terms of having a girlfriend or any type of friend to be honest. As much as I'd love to tell you how I love being alone and stuff the truth is I'm sad as hell. Looking around me seeing everyone do the typical things 18 years are suppose to do (partying, hanging around with each other, drinking, etc) while I'm just stuck in my room making music. Pills don't help, alcohol doesn't help, nothing helps. I'm just stuck at rockbottom and have been for these past 2 years. I barely go outside due to my anxiety. I guess some people are just ment to suffer in this life. Oh well. But that's my story and my introduction

Welcome I suffer with very bad anxieties depression bipolar,and of course bad agoraphobia it makes it hard for me to go anywhere.Every day my life seems like it is a challenge ..JUst want to be normal if that is possible.

 

[janemariesayed]

Hello @Farhan and a very warm welcome to the forum. I suffer from social anxiety and bordering agoraphobic. I get panic attacks if I have to go out. I'm also suffering from PTSD and CPTSD. I've had a really complicated life with lots of early childhood trauma as well as some adult long term trauma too. I used to have heaps of friends when I was younger. Now I have very few that I know I can rely on 100%. When I friend someone, they can rely on me 100% so I expect that back. When I make a friend I see how they treat me and I hold back.

I'm 53 now and I rarely go out and socialise. When people ask me if I live alone I tell them I don't and then I tell them I live with my two dogs. I desperately wanted children and a family of my own but my life has ended up where I am all by myself with my two animals living beside me. When I see and remember what other people can do to me and how they can upset me I prefer the company of my dogs. I'm beginning to forget what it is like to live with someone. I haven't had that lonesome feeling either since having two dogs instead of one.

But this is not the answer for you. You could perhaps get a dog but you are still young and need to get a life. How do you do that if you are suffering from agoraphobia and anxieties? My heart goes out to you.

You say you sit at home making music. Let us think that we are not unique. Not any single one of us on this planet is unique. Whatever we suffer, there are others who suffer it too. What ever is our hobby, others enjoy it too.

I hope you keep in touch with us on here as it has been a tremendous amount of support to me, and to also let us know how you are getting on and share your feelings with us. We may be able to help each other!

It may help if you put an ad in a local paper looking for other people who play instruments? Invite them around to your house for a jamming session. This way, other people with the same interest will be coming to you and you will not have to go out. Going out to visit them or meet with them will come later when you have a bit of your confidence back. Doing this will bring people who you have the same interest as you so that will make making friends with them a lot easier. It will only have to be the once that you go through that difficult time of meeting someone new. You would have already spoken with them on the phone anyway so you will be a little relaxed after talking with them. Later on, when you are feeling much better you will share going to concerts and maybe even be performing in bands.

When I was growing up in my adopted family, I learned to play the recorder, Zither, harmonica, piano and guitar. My adopted brother was the road manager for the band OMC. They didn't get into the charts but they all met up and played some instruments together.

When I was a bit older I moved down to the west coast of England and met loads of musicians. They were mostly the children of musicians who had music in the charts back in the 40's. They would all meet in a pub, which is where I met them, and jam together. I didn't play any instruments there but the music was so free and easy because it was a jamming session open to the public. One female who used to sing, her father was a musician and she had a lot of emotional problems. She was really shy but her voice sounded like Tina Turner. She couldn't get up and sing in front of her friends unless she had had a drink. The only way I could get to hear her sing was if I bought her a shot of something strong first. Then she would start to giggle and get up and sing to the enjoyment of all the patrons!


There was a lad too who used to sing there. He was so shy that he used to sing holding the mike and watching the band play behind him. He used to sing in the hotels for his work and he still sang the same way. He wouldn't show the audience his face because he was shy.

When I first went to this pup, I didn't know anyone. I was about 30 at the time. I knew one person who was going there that night and had invited me. I made so many friends there, musicians are very friendly and relaxed people. Perhaps when you've met your friend who you are making music with, you can find a pub like this and jam with them.

What I am hoping for you is that your music will be a way for you to get back into life. You know you are good at making music so why not make that first step and get that ad in the newspaper looking for fellow musicians to jam and maybe start a band? What instrument do you play or do you play more than one? If you have any short recordings of yourself please post them for us!

Do you write songs as well for your music? Would love to see the words here too! I like poetry. A friend of mine writes some dark and meaningful peoetry that I've posted on here if you'ld like to read them?

I wish you well @Farhan, I see you have a great musical life ahead of you and I'm looking forward to seeing you out there and hearing your music on the radio!