My girlfriend and I live together. One night a few months ago, I was talking loudly in our bedroom, which shares a wall with out neighbors bedroom. My neighbor knocked on the wall. Message received, I was a bit embarrassed in the moment and I shut up and made sure to be more considerate going forward. We’ve bumped into this neighbor since and she’s been friendly and hasn’t mentioned anything about noise to us. Honestly, I think she’s forgotten.
On the other hand, this incident triggered some deep anxiety in my girlfriend and it’s putting a lot of stress on our relationship. She’s now petrified of making any sort of noise in the bedroom. Any talk above a whisper gets shushed. We don’t have sex anymore. Recently, she won’t even sleep in there. Walking around on the creaky apartment floors evokes a similar response. I have to step over the creaky spots lest I trigger her anxiety around upsetting a neighbor.
We both try to be considerate people, but this is overboard. Today she broke down crying and telling me how much she hates this apartment but I think it’s something deeper than that. My theory is that it has something to do with her father, who was verbally abusive to her and her siblings and would always yell at them to be quiet. But I’m not a professional.
She has anxiety around a lot of other things too. She hasn’t been able to hold a job the past 4 years. Any job she’s had results in her having panic attacks. She has social anxiety and rarely hangs out with friends. And even sometimes simple things like suggesting that we spend a weekend afternoon at the zoo (one of her favorite places) triggers anxiety and result in hiding in bed for hours.
I don’t know what to do at this point. It’s getting to a breaking point. I’m getting anxiety about triggering her anxiety. Just writing all this out and reading it is giving me anxiety, lol.
I’ve recently started seeing a therapist again and it’s been helping me. I try to get her to do the same, but she refuses. She says it’s a money thing, which I get, but I’ve offered to help pay. She still refuses. I just don’t know what to do.
On the other hand, this incident triggered some deep anxiety in my girlfriend and it’s putting a lot of stress on our relationship. She’s now petrified of making any sort of noise in the bedroom. Any talk above a whisper gets shushed. We don’t have sex anymore. Recently, she won’t even sleep in there. Walking around on the creaky apartment floors evokes a similar response. I have to step over the creaky spots lest I trigger her anxiety around upsetting a neighbor.
We both try to be considerate people, but this is overboard. Today she broke down crying and telling me how much she hates this apartment but I think it’s something deeper than that. My theory is that it has something to do with her father, who was verbally abusive to her and her siblings and would always yell at them to be quiet. But I’m not a professional.
She has anxiety around a lot of other things too. She hasn’t been able to hold a job the past 4 years. Any job she’s had results in her having panic attacks. She has social anxiety and rarely hangs out with friends. And even sometimes simple things like suggesting that we spend a weekend afternoon at the zoo (one of her favorite places) triggers anxiety and result in hiding in bed for hours.
I don’t know what to do at this point. It’s getting to a breaking point. I’m getting anxiety about triggering her anxiety. Just writing all this out and reading it is giving me anxiety, lol.
I’ve recently started seeing a therapist again and it’s been helping me. I try to get her to do the same, but she refuses. She says it’s a money thing, which I get, but I’ve offered to help pay. She still refuses. I just don’t know what to do.
