My Daily Struggles

[Karina Berard]

Hi I am 23 years old and attending college to become a Social Worker. Few months ago, I moved in with my boyfriend of 4 years! I suffer from PTSD, anxiety, and depression big time. Thankfully I have the best boyfriend who keeps me safe and loves me for me and always there when I need him the most. I'm really not in contact with any of my family members anymore for many reasons. I also have the best therapist I could ever ask for.
Few years ago, I had suffered from a mental breakdown. Life truly hit me in the face and admitted to myself that I needed serious help. I went into Respite for 5 days and didn't help. Then I was transferred over to an Adult Hospitalization for two weeks of intense therapy. It was such an emotional roller coaster with a lot of bad days. The caseworker that was assigned to me helped me so very much. She had me remember things that I pushed away and blocked out for many years. That memory hit me very hard. I still struggle about it today because it makes me so sick to my stomach. I had the guts to tell my parents and all they said was "they knew something happened to me but just didn't know what it was". So if they "knew" something happened then why didn't they do anything about it or at least tried talking to me about it? I most likely wouldn't have said anything because this person said if I said anything he'd hurt me more. I was only 13/14 when this happened. Fast forward to when I was 19. I had just graduated High School. I was violated again by this same person. So I was hurt twice by this person. I unfortunately have to continue to keep seeing this person who makes me sick to my stomach because he is family. Every time someone mentions his name, or I hear his voice and or see him, my body goes into a shock and my body goes completely numb. I have so much things I could say but this particular flashbacks comes at me a lot and even more so now that I am quarantined in and so I try and sleep as much as I possibly can so I don't have to think or feel. So I struggle to get out of bed, I barely talk/message anyone and stay away from my phone.

 

[hamnida]

This is typical depression

It is good that you can sleep but if you sleep too much depression might not go away.

If you have strength, go out for walk.

It is good to do small tasks that you know you can do. If you do every day you will feel better slowly.

It will take time but you will get better. I think many member have same experience as you have now. It is horrible but not forever.

Instead of to sleep, can you try meditation? You can learn on YouTube.

You will be ok. We all recover.

 

[Cuchculan]

Maybe set yourself a few small goals. Nothing big. Just small things that you must do each day. You don't contact friends. Maybe even 1 text message to a friend a day. Just saying ' hello '. That is not big. I am sure you will get a message back. Which will be good. To show you that your friends are still there. Not sure if you have garden? Just outside the front door. We can say ten minutes the first day. More just to get some air and break up the day. If you like to write, then a journal would be a great thing. Few words every day. Just your thoughts. The more you do nothing, the more you will want to keep doing nothing. Then depression will win. Look for a few small things you know you can do.

 

[MainerMikeBrown]

Karina, I think it's great that you are going to college in order to become a Social Worker.

If and when you do become a Social Worker, would you like to help those who have been through similar trauma that you've been through?

If so, you won't just be helping those who have similar issues that you do, you'll probably also be helping yourself at the same time. Helping those who have been through the trauma like you have may very well be therapeutic to you as well.

I also think it's awesome that you're seeing a therapist that you think does a good job at it, Karina. And having a supportive boyfriend helps too.