Ms. Socially Anxious dating Mr. Popular

[Vee617]

I need help. My boyfriend is so wonderful and understanding of my social anxiety. He knows all the reasons why I make an excuse, get sick or just feel socially withdrawn. I go to therapy because I need help. I don't want to be like this. I don't want him to feel like he has to take "care of me." He has never said it, but I can be frustrating. I can't imagine it being easy for someone who is so social...to go to dating a girlfriend who has so much trouble being semi-minimally social. Please help. What should I do?

 

[riley coach]

Hi, I kind of feel the same way about myself with my boyfriend.. i think you should stop being so hard on yourself. Continue to be honest with him when you feel socially anxious. I think the most frustrating thing for loved ones of those with social anxiety is being kept in the dark. Dont say " i dont want to go there" say " I dont want to go there bc i feel really anxious about..." Just keep him in the loop. Also, Maybe try to take little steps. For instance if you are afraid of intimate social settings, then try to do things where there wont be a lot of one on one conversation (like there would be at a dinner party, or something like that.) Also, put yourself out there. I know it is hard, but even a small step will feel like a great accomplishment and it will help you to feel more confident in social situations.

 

[Kaynil]

I have a close friend who is highly sociable and it amazes me how he can easily engage and sometimes say things I think will backfire but actually makes people laugh because he read their mood so well. I would recommend you to learn what you can from him. Ask him how he finds what to say, what are few things you could do and while in his company dobtry to engage. Making small chit-chat with cashiers while they process your purchases is a good place to practice whatever tips he gives you.


I agree with you keep being honest with him and trying to slowly break of your shell. If this helps, my friend says that it is because I think so much rather than just say it what stopped me and to not be afraid of awkward moments because they are just moments so they will pass.

Best of luck.