Money Matters

[gracer]

Has it ever occurred to you that maybe money is one of the main reasons for your anxiety or depression? I have just realized this lately. Whenever I would find the strength to climb up from my lowly state, money issues would come up over and over again that pushes me further down again. Just like today, my husband and I have just spent an amount on our son's basic needs and schooling needs, our car's registration and repair since it has been damaged by a reckless road user, payment of monthly tuition, and grocery. Things could have been smooth flowing if it wasn't for my mom who always raves about money and the lack of it. After all our expenses, she would still find a way to drain me out. She wants me to handle the whole month's bill even if she's holding the money I'm supposed to use for our monthly bills. This got me down, helpless, and powerless again since I know I couldn't do anything to produce more money for us. I am so drained already and there's nothing more I can still produce for the happiness of my mom. She got used to me providing everything for them when I was still single and I had a decent paying job. I handled all the bills and the household needs that time. Now that I have a family and I don't have a decent paying job, I don't solely handle the money my husband and I produce and that's what she needs to understand.


Money and the need of it sometimes drains a person of his/her happiness. Now I understand why there are some people who decide to just leave it all behind and live in the mountains without the influence of all the stress in th city and the frequent need of money in order to survive.

 

[VanM]

I can definitely understand where you are coming from. As someone who grew up from a poor family, I suffered from depression at an early age, not understanding why we can only manage to live meagerly on a daily basis. I would find myself unable to function like a normal kid because my mind was always caught up with thoughts of money (or the lack thereof). However, I tried really, really hard to keep my focus on building my own self and my future. Whenever the thought of money creeps up, I try to focus on the positive side of the coin, working on things that could add value to my life. I find that when I'm busy with something other than thinking of money, the negative thoughts go away. Yes, they can definitely drain you of your happiness so you have to take control. Simple said than done.

 

[Panic57]

I think the core of the problem with money is that you need it to solve basic problems like paying bills and covering the expenses of emergencies. I don't even like going to the doctors when I'm sick because my insurance won't cover all of it and I can't afford both it and the utilities. So I usually do with out and then I'm sicker longer which affects my work. So it's just and endless cycle when it comes to not having enough money. When you have enough money,it's like having a buffer between you and the harshness of the world.

 

[Aree Wongwanlee]

Money wasn't the root cause of any of my problems. It's just a subsidiary cause. The root of my problems had always been people. That's probably because I am not very good at human relationships. I have a tendency to start off well and end on a sour note. It's rather pathetic actually. I try not to finish with the same result every time but that's how it all ended. Perhaps I am self-destructive. I don't really know. All I know is that I have never been able to maintain very long relationships. One way or another, even the best relationships come to an end.

 

[John Snort]

For many people the cause of depression is money issues. Maybe someone has lost their job, they didn't have any savings, can't get another job and they've got a family to care for. And while most people learn to cope after a while, most never can get over their depression unless they get back what they lost.

Sometimes our fate resembles a fruit tree in winter. Who would think that those branches would turn green again and blossom, but we hope it, we know it —Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Worrying about the future won't change it. There are numerous things you can do to attract positive energy into your life.

 

[Alex]

Money is a human creation where it can be the precursor to relationship breakdowns, addictions, and depression. Even with people who have enough money, they always want more. I think it's hard to please some people who always want to be frugal and keep the purse strings tight. The simple fact is having children can be expensive and is it fair to make them suffer if they have to go without.


Many family members fight over money too, and who gets what in a will. I think gracer that lack of control you have with the input and output is hard when you have people depending on you. Maybe your mother needs to learn a few home truths, and that things have changed?

 

[gracer]

You're right Alex. Actually, I have just come from the grocery store with my husband and we bought household needs in bulk again to last us all for around 2 weeks. We came home with my mom resting on the sofa in the living room but there was pure silence. She knew we went to the grocery store to buy what we all need but it seems like she's still upset over my non-payment of the bill. My husband lent me cash to give to her as a refund for what she paid and I'm going to give it to her later. I don't know if it will cheer her up in some way but yeah, she really makes me feel so depressed right now.

 

[pwarbi]

Money or should I say the lack of it, does cause people a lot of problems, and really that shouldn't be the case. In this day and age I think people tend to think money is the route to happiness and that isn't the case at all. I'm not going to say that having money in the bank and the ability to go out and buy what you want when you want doesn't offer you a certain peace of mind because it does, and having enough money to live comfortably can put your mind at ease and make you then concentrate on other areas of your life without having to worry about keeping a roof over your head or feeding your family. But if money starts to become the only thing you worry about, then the other aspects in your life will start to get neglected so as long as you have enough to get by on, that's all we should really worry about as some things in life...a lot of things in life even are a lot more important than money.

 

[Alex]

You're right Alex. Actually' date=' I have just come from the grocery store with my husband and we bought household needs in bulk again to last us all for around 2 weeks. We came home with my mom resting on the sofa in the living room but there was pure silence. She knew we went to the grocery store to buy what we all need but it seems like she's still upset over my non-payment of the bill. My husband lent me cash to give to her as a refund for what she paid and I'm going to give it to her later. I don't know if it will cheer her up in some way but yeah, she really makes me feel so depressed right now.[/quote']
From what you say it seems your mother has control issues and is using money to control you. Maybe one day she will realize all that you have done for her is priceless. Some people maybe millionaires and still be depressed and need control in other ways. My parents used to try and control me with money, and so I went and lived in a hostel to prove a point. My brother came to see one day and saw people using drugs outside and told me to pack my things and to come home, and that somehow they would sort out things.


Often these things happen so the others can learn a lesson. It's not fun, but hopefully if you retain some control other choices will appear.

 

[sidney]

Have you considered moving or perhaps living at your husband's place so that you won't have to deal with your mom? I think she should be less demanding now that you have a family already. Doesn't she have a pension where she can use to pay her bills instead of asking you to contribute?


When my dad finally finished paying his memorial service plan, he specifically told my bro to lessen the amount he gives him since he now lives in another house with his gf, so he understands that they need the money. So I guess it just depends on the parent if they're understanding or not regarding the situation of their children.

 

[cluckeyo]

We have never really let money matters bother us. There is always a way to get by on less. There are countless ways to save money and I have never felt deprived. My husband feels the same way. If you can't afford to do what you are doing, then stop doing it. If you can't afford to live where you live now, then move. Of the things you must buy, choose with frugality in mind. I can live with more, I can live with less.

 

[KW2496]

I agree that a lack of money can cause anyone a lot of stress. I firmly believe in the law of attraction though, and I think continuing to worry about something just attracts more of that to us. I think its important to be grateful for what we have and just focus on more money coming it. That way we are attracting money to us and not the lack of it. If that makes sense.

 

[x0xLikeMex0x]

I agree that money is cause of problems. Not having enough money causes stress.


I grew up in family where only my mom was earning money. She didn't earn much at the time and she had to sacrifice her own needs to buy me stuff. My dad didn't financially support my mom, because he was unemployed and on disability pension. I grew up knowing we didn't have much money and I tend to say now, as an adult, that I don't have money all the time. I count almost every penny and it is stressful. I have no idea how not to be like that, because I know no other way.


At the moment I think of how many stuff I need (like go to a dentist, my computer and my phone are broken but they still work) and how much money it would cost me, but I don't do a thing to get those things because I don't want to think what it will cost me.


Maybe I'm afraid of spending money? All I can think about is how I can make more and more money. Yet I don't have money to spend.

 

[kgord]

Yes, having generally suffered from a lack of money through most of my life, I can defitnely attest to the fact that it does cause stress. The thing with bills and such however, is that once you feel you have a handle on, and can pay the ones you've got...more take their place. For instance my cat needs special food now, for crystals in his urine..and it is about 5x the cost of normal cat food. It is stuff like that that comes up and makes finances bad.

 

[jaden11218]

I agree. It drives me crazy when people say stuff like "money can't buy happiness". I know that phrase typically refers to material goods like fancy cars and nice houses, but it's more than that. You need money to survive. It is what pays for the roof over your head, food to eat, gas to go places, heat and a/c, and it is what you use to get medical care. I just get by as far as getting bills and groceries/necessities covered, but if you cut our income by even like $200 I would be so stressed out and scared. Honestly I'd be pretty depressed if my money issues got so bad that I had to choose between diapers or a/c, formula or toilet paper. My husband and I agree that as long as our baby is taken care of then me and him can go without, but our quality of life would decrease, and we couldn't be happy because we would be so stressed out.

 

[kelden]

Money represents the amount of material wealth you have. Wealth can make a person quite happy but at the same time it could make someone pretty miserable. You hard earned wealth also comes with responsibilities, you know that you really have to put money on investments in order to keep the cash flowing instead of just enjoying the results of your work since it's the way economy works. That's because the amount is finite, and nothing is worse that reduce the standards of living because you're going through a rough finantial situation.


But being poor is even worse, it makes you feel worthless and stupid. Anxiety will drive you to think you are an utter failure at making wealth by your own means, denial will make you think that is someone else fault (although there are circumstances that may be true in fact). Is just more unpleasant to deal with. The only good thing about being poor is that you will feel less anxious when trying different approachs to overcome your situation, you have nothing to lose anyway; unlike someone wealthy that might fear to make a sensible bad investment of time or resources.

 

[amy88]

I grew up in a family with not a lot of money - so despite being in a situation now where we don't really worry about money, I still have times where I think "what if something was to happen to our income?" or "what if one of us was to have a serious health issue?" or things like that. I think having grown up in that environment where money was an issue it's affected my perception of money and money troubles in my adult life.

 

[mauricioq]

I realized this a couple of months ago. When I had a job last summer I was working a lot and was always super tired but I was way more happier than nowadays, I had the money to buy the clothes that I want, I could go out at night without any worried. Nowadays, it's way worse. If I had a job maybe I was happier.

 

[GrubbyRose]

Money is one of my biggest concerns. I pay into the company retirement plan as much as I can afford to, and I hope I do not have to work until I die. I know I am lucky to have a decent job, but with the way the economy is going, if something happened to this one, I am not sure I could find another.

 

[Zeesi]

From what you say it seems your mother has control issues and is using money to control you. Maybe one day she will realize all that you have done for her is priceless. Some people maybe millionaires and still be depressed and need control in other ways. My parents used to try and control me with money, and so I went and lived in a hostel to prove a point. My brother came to see one day and saw people using drugs outside and told me to pack my things and to come home, and that somehow they would sort out things.


Often these things happen so the others can learn a lesson. It's not fun, but hopefully if you retain some control other choices will appear.

I agree with this, because when I read the original post I thought to myself that the money is not the problem. Money is not a living, breathing thing, so it can't do anything to us, it's the people around us and their attitudes towards certain things that are the problem.