Making phone calls

[JCP]

Hi all,


I have overcome a lot of social anxiety in the last year or so. I don't avoid as many I things I used to, but one thing that still causes me a lot anxiety is phone calls. I have a real mental block when it comes to the phone. I don't know what it is about them... Maybe because we can't see the persons body language? Or the uncertainty of the conversation? Any tips on how to be confident on the phone and overcome the fear of it? Thanks.

 

[Guest]

Don't worry, there's loads of people out there that hate using the phone, it's really common. I find writing down what you need to say helps me whenever I need to make calls. But just remember, the person on the other end can't see you or judge your looks or whatever, there's no eye contact involved, and you can get embarrassed without them seeing you. They probably can't even tell that your nervous.


You could also just put the phone down if it's that bad, which you can't really do in person.

 

[MorningStar]

Hello JCP. I agree with Mike's advice to write down information for the call before-hand. Also, try not to over-analyze or over-practice things before making a call; this was the main reason I suffered from a similar situation in the past.

 

[justsayyes]

I hear you. I have trouble with phone conversations as well. I don't mind quick phone calls but deep phone conversations are such a nightmare for me. The awkward silence is too much and the worst thing is, i always feel bad after the call and end up blaming myself for my inability to be normal person who can carry on a normal phone conversation.

 

[Piper]

I have always dreaded calling people on the phone whether it was family members and friends or making business calls. I wish I had not been that way because there are family members I wish I could call now. Unfortunately, I still find myself procrastinating and putting off making calls when I really need to just do it.

 

[Alex]

I'm not good at making call or taking them, but I had to do it for work and so it did hep me as I had no choice. I would write everything down, then rehearse it in my head as I dialed. If I do get nervous what I do is ask someone to repeat something and say there is background noise or the connection is bad (which can happen) and it allows you to take control. If you do get stuck, I say I will call them back as something has happened or I will need to check something. At times people say they will hold, but do what you want and take control if possible. I find that's the issue, not having control.


Sometimes the response is mean or you are put on hold and that is annoying, but calmly ask to speak to someone else if they aren't helpful or ask for their name. It's about taking control and making the call work for you.

 

[Allegro]

I haven't been able to talk on the phone for a long time. Thankfully for me I had someone who would be willing to make calls. I had a really embarrassing situation a couple years ago where I had to speak to a very bitter, older woman. She got angry with me that I had to ask her to repeat herself a couple times ( I actually do have bad hearing! ) and it caused me to panic. It didn't help that I was nervous when I called. I ended up telling her I'd call back later, tossed the phone on the bed and began to cry about how stupid I sounded. It turns out in my panicked state I didn't turn off the phone and she was still on the other line listening to me panic.


I even hate talking to family members on the phone. I don't even know why. I can't pinpoint why the phone gives me such anxiety. It's a little silly, seeing how I'm terrified of people seeing me. The phone should feel like one of the safest ways to communicate with someone, but I dread it.

 

[pwarbi]

I used to hate speaking on the phone and stupidly I applied and got a job as an 18 year old in an office, and one of the main roles of the job was answering calls and having to ring various other departments and I used to come home from work almost i tears every night it was that bad for me. it got to the point where when a phone rang I'd walk out of the office and pretend I was doing something else just to avoid answering it, but slowly and surely I managed to overcome the fear by just doing it. If I hadn't had to, I'd still have the fear of the phone now, 20 years later but that did help me to overcome the anxiety i felt.


People relied on me and I hate to let anyone down, so even though at first I used to literally shake every time the phone rang I forced myself to answer it and eventually, even though it took months I did manage to get over that feeling. I guess what I'm saying is that facing your fears does actually work for a lot of people and if you're struggling with phone calls, the only way to get over that fear is by simply doing it.

 

[morgoodie]

I hate the phone too and every time it rings and I don't know the number. I will just ignore it but my stomach gets all knotted and I will catch my breath. It seems to get worse as I get older. I don't know what it is about the phone other than it is something unknown when I don't know who it is or what they want. I have the same problem going through doors that have no window in them to go into an office. I feel like I am on display walking through and everyone will be looking at me. I like things predictable I guess and answering or calling someone I do not know is too stressful.

 

[katjamas]

Even though I am quite confident, I still feel a bit anxious every time I make a phone call to a stranger. Even after working in a direct marketing firm, where my job was to call strangers and sell them our products, I still feel discomfort when calling my doctor or whoever else. Even though I made over a 100 phone calls everyday at work. I think It is just a normal kind of anxiety that most people get, once you already press the call button then there is no turning back, that is just what I tell myself.

 

[bachelor56]

I get anxious when I am using the phone. I just usually focus on what I need to say if I'm not calling family or friends and just tell them the reason why I'm calling and if they can help with the issue I am having or what I am trying to get done over the phone. The fact that I am not face to face with them definitely helps. I definitely learned to be less anxious in front of other people.

 

[amy88]

It's something that I struggle with a lot - people have learned that if they want a definite response from me that they need to send me a text message, because answering my phone tends to be something I'm not always feeling ready for.


I guess for me it's the uncertainty of what the person is calling for, how long the conversation will go for (I'm bad at wrapping things up - so I get nervous that the call will go on forever) and things like that.


I also often find just talking on the phone mentally taxing - it takes a lot to keep a conversation going! I always find I'm much more comfy in written form.


When I do need to call places to ask for appointment bookings or things like that, I honestly practice a little before I call. I make sure I have everything I need (my diary if I'm scheduling in a time, a pen and so forth) so that I don't have to ask them to wait while I grab something to write on, and so forth.


But I think the best (and probably most basic) advice for me is not to overthink it. If I spend far too long planning/practicing the call I guess I start to think of anything and everything that could go wrong (welcome to anxiety!!) so sometimes it's easier to just dive straight in.

 

[DDNatureLover]

Breathing techniques can help you to attain and maintain a sense of calm in various situations. I think with phone calls, we often speculate on what the other person is doing or thinking, and that tends to induce anxiety. Also, if we have performance anxiety, it can affect our confidence, and cause us to stumble over our words, forget what we wanted to say, or even our train of thought. I find it helpful to write out a script and practice it in advance, as well as making a separate list of the points I want to make during the conversation. When I'm anxious, I tend to want to rush through a conversation, which can come across as rude, so I will even write notes to myself to smile (they really can 'hear' it), to breathe, to slow down, etc.

 

[pwarbi]

Breathing techniques can help you to attain and maintain a sense of calm in various situations. I think with phone calls' date=' we often speculate on what the other person is doing or thinking, and that tends to induce anxiety. Also, if we have performance anxiety, it can affect our confidence, and cause us to stumble over our words, forget what we wanted to say, or even our train of thought. I find it helpful to write out a script and practice it in advance, as well as making a separate list of the points I want to make during the conversation. When I'm anxious, I tend to want to rush through a conversation, which can come across as rude, so I will even write notes to myself to smile (they really can 'hear' it), to breathe, to slow down, etc. [/quote']
Breathing techniques can make a difference and that's something that I consciously tried to control when I was making and receiving phone calls and it did help. When you're nervous you tend to speak quicker than you would do normally and that can affect your phone manner. Controlling your breathing as well as making sure you are speaking clearly and slowly all help to bring your anxiety levels down, and while no matter how used to using the hone you get, you might still not like it but at least it ill eventually become something you do that is manageable, and for most people that will be a big step forward, as it was for me.

 

[SirJoe]

I used to be like this until I got a job were initially I just worked with computers. That was fine by me but due to cut backs, I had to answer calls and talk to suppliers. I remember that the first week was pure hell and I couldn't wait to get off the phone. My supervisor was right behind me at the time and he helped me get over my anxiety, it wasn't always pleasant dealing with her but it did help build up my confidence.

 

[Jemina]

I'm really nervous about making phone calls and avoid them at all costs unless there's really no other way. For me, it's about not being able to see the other person involved in the conversation. If it's a close friend or member of my family that I've known for years it's okay. But customer service type places or even just calling up my GP to book an appointment are like pure hell to me. I literally shake while I'm on the phone. Which is ridiculous really, because what's the phone going to do? Even the person on the other end won't hurt me. I just get so nervous.


I'm better than I used to be though. Before I wouldn't even call people I did know really well. It wasn't until I moved miles away from everyone I knew that I forced myself to use my phone to make contact with people. Now I will, but if there's another option (like text, or email) I'll usually opt for that first.


When it comes to unknown numbers there's no way I'll answer those, though. Even if I'm expecting a call sometimes I end up ignoring it instead because I get too anxious about actually answering it. Luckily nothing bad seems to happen if I ignore these calls and on the odd occasion where I have actually answered the call it's usually been spammers and I've ended up hanging up on them. It doesn't make me want to answer the phone to unknown numbers though.