Making new friends

Jemina · Jul 17, 2016

I really struggled to make new friends when I moved to a new area, although I was able to meet a few people because I was lucky enough to get an allotment that I was able to work on where there was always lots of people. Unfortunately due to injury I've had to give that up and since then I've sort of lost contact with all of them.. If it hadn't been for the mutual interest in gardening though I don't think I would've met anyone here. I find it hard to make and maintain friendships a lot of the time. I'm lucky to have the friends I do, though.

pwarbi · Jul 17, 2016

I recently decided to move to an entirely different part of the city, as I found that where I was living was a major factor in my depression and anxiety. It's one of the best things I have ever done and in all honesty it's something I should have done years ago but the one issue it has brought up is that I don't know anybody around here so have to try and make new friends so to speak. I still have friends I have known all my life, I just don't see them now as much as I used to and so I feel that I need to develop new friends in this area and at first it is hard.

I've been here around six months now and I can count on the one hand how many people I have got to know, but as long as you are trying to meet new people and not forcing the issue and just letting bonds build gradually then eventually you will start to strike up friendships, and often with people you wouldn't have even thought you would have done before.

joshposh · Jul 18, 2016

Making new friends is very hard for me. I do have a heard exterior and people do find that somewhat unapproachable. I'm also a bit closed off to the world, so there's not much working for me my whole life. Making new friends is difficult because was also a loner. I never really was into the social scene. I can't help it if I like to be alone and not go out and get into trouble.

I'm at peace with who I am and what I've become. I don't bother anyone or get into anyone's business. You can call me the model neighbor. The one that is never heard or seen.

GrecianShamrock · Jul 18, 2016

lexinonomous I can totally relate. I'm grateful for the friends I have and my anxiety has been building over time so much that they have slightly strayed away. They are all moving on with their lives and I am too but feels like limbo because the anxiety is suffocating at times. I can't drive because of my neuro problems and I feel like I'm always the burden (Even if they say that I'm not) When I meet new people I'm wicked shy and really awkward. (Except the times I have too much to drink haha) I try to avoid them and act like nothings wrong but I'm mostly quiet around new people. Not sure if I agree with the craigslist idea for friends though...isn't that dangerous? People not accepting you for you aren't really worth being friends with you to begin with. You seem like a lovely person

sidney · Jul 18, 2016

I never really struggled to look for new friends since I'm quite friendly, but I did feel anxious making new friends when I moved to another school or when I entered college. I think to make new friends you would have to look quite approachable and friendly, and don't be afraid to start small talk with other people who look equally approachable. Also join clubs and groups that you are interested in to find people with like minds.

Right now though I'm not actively looking for friends, but I won't mind befriending anyone that comes along.

Laneorexorcist · Jul 18, 2016

I think that I can say that I'm good at talking to people that I don't really know in order to be close, or at least not to be alone on a certain period of time, but there's a huge line between that and really considering them friends, that's what I'm always struggling with, I have a hard time trusting to people, but I am really grateful with the friends that I have now, the environment seems to be really quiet and I do feel that I don't need more friends than them.

John Snort · Jul 18, 2016

Has anyone struggled with making friends?

I'm a loner. I can do without friends and never bother trying to make friends because I've been betrayed many times in the past and that has made me to be rather unfriendly in real life.

Are you currently looking for new friends?

No. I learned the hard way that it's better to have only one or two good friends rather than have lots of "friends" who aren't really your friends.

How do you handle socializing with new people?

Socializing isn't that hard for me. I'll be courteous at times and talk to people when it's the right thing to do but when I don't have to I'll not try to socialize.

Alex · Jul 18, 2016

Friends come and go, and now that I am in my 40s it doesn't matter so much because your friends don't define who you are. They can be great company, but today friendships can fade quickly when people move jobs or locations.

I do make friends easily, but I choose them wisely and also how much contact I like to have. People do need some friends, but it's quality that counts and not quantity.

zalima · Jul 18, 2016

I have only managed to make friends online, and only when I know that they live far enough away that it's hard to meet them. I just can't make friends with people I meet IRL, I don't know why. I feel like I can't talk freely and that I'm being judged all the time, so I just don't talk much at all and people forget that I exist.

Anyway, I met a lot of online friends on the dating site okcupid.com. You can answer questions there and it matches you with people that have a similar personality. I just wrote on my profile that I am looking for friendships only.

2010Bentley · Jul 19, 2016

Alex said:
Friends come and go, and now that I am in my 40s it doesn't matter so much because your friends don't define who you are. They can be great company, but today friendships can fade quickly when people move jobs or locations.
I do make friends easily, but I choose them wisely and also how much contact I like to have. People do need some friends, but it's quality that counts and not quantity.

I totally agree with you, Alex. The older we get, we realize more of what qualities we need in a friend, and what we ourselves can bring to the table.

Alex · Jul 19, 2016

Online friends are just as real as real life friends because you choose them wisely. I have a small handful of online friends that I have made over the years from forums or from social media posts where we have shared interests. I may or may not get to meet them one day, but t hey have been a great source of support and as it is online each party has control of when to contact and how often.

I feel one the main things about friendships is the pressure to conform or to keep the friendship going. If it's too much work, then it's not a real friendship IMHO. I have old University friends I haven't seen for decades, but we are all still very real friends.

ReadmeByAmy · Jul 19, 2016

When I was still in high school and college I had sets of few friends whom are close to me up to the present time that we had our own careers and families already. Our friendship remained even with the passage of time and now that we are getting older the more we want to be close to one another. It is not that easy to find and make friends whom you can trust and be real to you. For me. even I had a few of them it is just okay as long as the bonding and faithfulness is still there in good and bad times of our life..

fuzyon · Jul 19, 2016

I'm still struggling to make friends, even though I have a job that gives me the opportunity to meet like-minded people, it's just that I'm way too uncomfortable starting conversations everyday in hopes that a relationship would spur from that. I tend to take things slow and if I somehow start talking to a person a lot then great, but I'm not going to go out of my way.

I have enough real friends and it's even hard to manage spending time with them too, I can't imagine having hundreds of them.

amy88 · Jul 19, 2016

I have a handful of friends - but I do feel like lately that friends are something I'm lacking...by that I mean the kind of friends I could call at 3am if I had a crisis. I really wish I just had one friend like that, that I could rely on for anything and everything big and small. I have people that I spend time with but I just don't feel all that close with any of them!

bangtanboys · Jul 21, 2016

Your story really resonates with me because I was in the exact same position when I first started college. I was starting to think that I was the problem, and believed that I wouldn't ever be able to make another friend again. It got so bad to the point where I fell into a deep depression. Really, bless my boyfriend for putting up with someone as destructive as I was.

But I'm sure you'd rather hear about how I got out of that place. I don't think my social anxiety is something that will ever go away (now that I think about it all the friends I have were once a friend of a friend...) but there are steps that you can take to make yourself happier, and handle it better. For me, I rediscovered my Twitter account and joined a new music fandom. I was able to make some great friends online whom I've actually met in real life through our conversations about our biases and just our unintelligible fangirl tweets. I'm content with where I am now, because I finally realized that the number of friends isn't as much as the quality of them.

You totally don't have to use Twitter to find friends online; you can totally do it through another social media platform or even through a game. But don't discount how meaningful online friends can be just because they aren't physically there. Trust me, it's a lot less intimidating making friends behind a computer screen. And who knows, maybe your relationship will blossom so that you guys will find time to meet up or even video chat like we did.

As for how I handle socializing with new folks, I usually drag someone else to do it with me at these kinds of gatherings. It's a lot less pressure when you're not doing it alone.

MellowCat · Jul 21, 2016

Finding new friends is not as difficult for me as it used to be, but I can relate. I used to only be friends with those who I grew up with and my sisters. Going to college and then later getting married and moving far away from home 'helped' me to get out of my shell more. It really forced me to interact more. Some of that resulted in bad experiences, but some of it good.

On the other hand, some of my best friends are ones I have met online, some never met, but others I met in person because I first met them online, which was easier for me. The internet has done a lot of us a service in that way!

foolsgold · Jul 24, 2016

I used to be in the same boat as you, but I've recently been starting to go out more and socialize. It really helped me when I started making online friends at first. I met a lot of them via Reddit. We have a lot of shared interests so we just talk about that online. Then slowly and eventually they would invite me out. I'm really painfully shy on top of the anxiety so meeting them in person would've been a nightmare. But by then we've already built up a good, comfortable foundation so it wasn't that stressful. It still is to some degree but they're good support systems.

You don't have to go out and meet them to be honest. You can make meaningful relationships online as mentioned by someone else in the thread.

Sue · Jul 27, 2016

Most of my friends that I am close to are people who I met online and I have never met in person. I find it easier to talk to them then I do to talk to people that I know whether it be family or friends. I find it hard to meet people in person. I am shy and I never know what to say. I can't carry on conversation very well. I never know what to say. If the person is a talker then that is better. They can do the talking and I listen. I am a much better listen then talker. I don't like to go out among people so it makes it hard to meet new friends. I don't really have any close friends. There is nobody that I feel comfortable talking to or hanging out with. I don't know what I would do without my online friends. They are there for me always and they probably know me better then people who have known me all my life.

Corzhens · Jul 27, 2016

I am not a social person but when there are people around, I am friendly to them. Even our neighbors find me friendly although I don't go out often and I seldom join activities in the neighborhood. Especially the older women here who are retired and nothing to do, they are fond of socializing and they always invite me. In fact. there was an affair last Friday night and they invited me for dinner. But there was heavy rain on that day and I forgot all about it. For me, socializing is beneficial because you get friends to chat with and they could provide you moral support when you need it. However, I am a very busy person since I have a daytime job so my time is somewhat limited when it comes to socializing. But I am not anti-social, far from it actually.

Making new friends

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