Making it through the day

[AbejaReina]

I'm having a really rough time lately making it through the day. All I want to do is sleep or lie down because literally everything feels like too much. The only real thing I look forward to each day is coffee but I'm so bummed that I don't and can't work right now so I just feel useless and bored with everything. I wanna do something but don't know what.

Glad I found this forum. This is a nice change.

 

[PeggyJoan]

Welcome AbejaReina, I hear you! I suggest you tell us about you. Have you been this way for long? Have you had a sudden change in your life? Maybe just make yourself do one tiny thing - whatever that is. One baby step at a time! Have you ever tried medication to help? Best wishes, Peggy

 

[AbejaReina]

I've had anxiety pretty badly since my grandma passed away. I mean, I was shy or whatever before that but I feel like this sense of security just fell out from underneath me when she passed. I felt like a part of me died. I guess I feel pretty much like a shell of a person since then and it's just gotten worse. She passed 9 years ago. I also had my fiance of 8 years break up with me a little over a year ago. We were always off and on but losing him just really felt worse than losing my gma to be honest because he chose to leave, she didn't.

Since him and I broke up I have moved 8 or 9 times and that's just in a year. Everything feels unsure and like I just don't know where I'm going to be. I'm working on getting SSI because when I try to get a job I get fired because of my mood swings and my fear of leaving the house and being around people. It's not that I don't wanna work. I desperately do. I'm just not stable enough to be able to commit to something as I would like to.

Right now I'm just trying to stay up during the day and not remain in bed. Living with family is probably a good thing but so much of the time I just feel like I wanna be alone. I don't have a space that is my own so I'm either hanging out in my mom's room or in the living room. I just want some place to sit and be alone to be honest, to be able to sing and maybe even dance. I don't feel comfortable doing those things in front of anyone.

I really think living alone would be best for me, so I'm going to talk to my counselor about mental health housing options. I figure there must be something for me.

 

[PeggyJoan]

I am so sorry about your grandma, and I totally get how the break-up was more traumatic. You have been through a lot.
I don't believe for one minute that you don't want to work. Mental issues are as debilitating or more so than physical ones. Be loving toward yourself! I am glad you have a counselor - I hope you like him / her. Have you been able to see a doctor? I am praying you get some help - it's out there. Please don't give up on yourself and keep us posted. Thank you for reaching out. Writing here for me has been very helpful. Peggy

 

[AbejaReina]

I actually saw a doctor and she doubled one of my meds. We are going to double it again in a week. I guess this is something that should have been done sooner, so I'm glad I went in. This was a doc I've never seen before. I see my regular doc on the 30th. I've asked about Ativan because it's the only thing that has helped me a lot with my panic, but she said it's a "slippery slope". I'm feeling so desperate to feel better I think I'mma ask again on thje 30th.

Thank you so much for listening. It means a lot. I feel like I have so many built up emotions and just feel so uncomfortable in my skin.

Writing here is helping ease things a bit. Thanks again

 

[PeggyJoan]

AbejaReina, I am so glad your doctor is listening. My Effexor has been increased (waiting to kick in) because I probably never took enough being ever cautious!
Yes, reaching out here is really helpful, and I am sure *you* have helped others not feel so alone! Just because you don't hear from someone doesn't mean you are not making a difference.
Hang in there and be kind to yourself. Best wishes, Peggy

 

[AbejaReina]

Thanks a lot for the kind words. Doing a lot better since my double dosage yesterday. Glad I went in to the doc

 

[PeggyJoan]

Good for you! So happy to hear you are doing better. Keep me posted!