Making eye contact.

[Laneorexorcist]

I think that one of the most difficult things for me to do, it's making eye contact with someone that I'm not really familiar with, especially while I'm talking. I just can't focus on what I want to say and I end up feeling extremely nervous, and well, anxious in general.


Actually, one day on my human communication class I had this really bad teacher who I guess that wasn't aware of social anxiety, and on the first day she made us talk with somebody that we didn't know for about 10 minutes making eye contact the whole time, it was so stressing! I end up talking with this really cute guy and I was beyond nervous, it was a really bad experience for me,


Does anyone have problems with making eye contact? How do you deal with it?


I would love to hear your experiences.

 

[wecantfixthat]

I also have trouble with making eye contact. It feels awkward just staring at the person and when you don't it just gets more awkward because you seem uninterested. It's like what am I supposed to do? And sometimes when I make eye contact, my facial expressions change involuntarily into many different expressions showing how anxious I am feeling. It sucks especially when giving speeches for a class or something because teachers would want us to make eye contact generally throughout the speech but I end up just looking at the teacher the whole time and lose my points for eye contact part of it.

 

[joshposh]

It really depends on the individual you are talking to. Some people have a resentment on their face and in their eyes. It's hard to keep a straight and friendly gaze when the other person is looking at you like you are up to now good. Looking at someone and talking to them is easy. But when the other person has a untrustful gaze at you, it hard not to take a step back.

 

[JCP]

I used to tell myself "just look into their eyes, how difficult can it be?" and that worked for years, but just recently I've slipped back into avoiding it.

 

[Steph4real]

I have trouble making eye contact as well, even with the people I am closest to. I've heard that the best thing to do in a situation like that is look at the person's nose. They supposedly can't tell the difference. I do this often and it helps, I just feel like when people look into my eyes that they're secretly judging me or looking down on me. It's a weird phobia I have. Also I have pretty large eyes and sometimes I have to squint on purpose so I don't feel like I'm freaking people out...hahah.

 

[mauricioq]

I find it very difficult too, but that's normal for everyone. It's only easy to look right in the eyes if it's a person that you really like, like your girl/boyfriend. It turns out to be real personal if it's a long period of time.

 

[Theazzz]

For me it depends on the setting and the people I'm around. I'm told I have quite a stare, and yet I'm shy and will have difficulty maintaining eye contact if I feel uncertain of myself. It also stems from my being so reflective of what I'm feeling inside. I think that my thoughts show up on my face so much the other individual can see it. Uncomfortable.

 

[kelden]

Well, some people deems a direct eye contact as rude. I often avoid direct eye contact for more than a few seconds, but people usually nail their eyes on me and confront me directly, and it feels awkward that I'm actually trying not to look at them directly to the eyes.

 

[hades_leae]

I remember when I suffered from making eye contact with others, but that was something I wanted to really get over, and I did. Now stare women right in the eyes, and sometimes they look away and make fun of me because they feel like I'm too focused on them, it's fun for me now and I like that I conquered that.


You can to if you put your mind to it, it just takes time and practice. When your speaking to someone and you start thinking about how you don't want to make eye contact, just make yourself stare at them in their eyes, or if you want to make yourself more comfortable, just tell them what your dealing with in that moment. Trust me it helps when the other person knows what your feeling. It just eases up the tension.

 

[John Snort]

I think eye contact is overrated. Research has proved that when you seat people opposite each other at a table they are more likely to argue than when they sit side by side. That said, most people expect you to make eye contact with them when you initiate a conversation but can look elsewhere after that (it's what happens anyway, you can look around and the back at the person you are talking to). One way to make it appears that you are maintaining eye contact even if you aren't is by looking at that person's forehead.

 

[nytegeek]

People judge you when you don't make eye contact. I have had it happen to me. When i was younger a girl friend's father judged me as having weak character. It is frustrating that people are so ignorant of mental illness.

 

[pwarbi]

I know that I've mentioned it a few times now on the forum but confidence plays a major part when trying to deal with anxiety and looking somebody in the eye when you're talking to them is a sign of confidence in yourself and what you are saying, so not being able to do that due to anxiety comes as no surprise. In me especially, I've found that self doubt comes into my life a lot these days and even when I know i am right and what I'm saying is correct in my own mind I doubt myself and so in turn lose the confidence to be able to interact with someone on the same level.


Nobody likes people who are over confident and full of their own self importance, but there is a balance and when talking to others it's important to show that you have that ability to believe in what your saying and unfortunately, for me at least, anxiety has taken that ability away and I only feel confident now dealing with family or friends, or from behind a keyboard as I am now.

 

[DDNatureLover]

One of my first jobs involved customer service. We were instructed to make eye contact, smile, greet the person, take their order, make suggestions, etc. I needed the job, and the better we were at it, the better our raises (which were pitiful) would be, so I learned to make eye contact, greet the people with a smile, etc., It was basically like being an actress on stage, and felt fake, but after a while, I adjusted. I still feel somewhat fake when doing that, unless it's someone I know or someone I have been wanting to meet, and am genuinely interested and happy. Breathing techniques get me through many different situations that would otherwise be impossible, but I still have to remind myself to breathe.

 

[ProNine]

I have big trouble with maintaining eye contact. One of my biggest habits is that whenever I'm talking with people, I tend to tilt my head away to something right next to them or even below their face. The problem is that I just feel like if I look into their eyes, I'll probably start dazing off and lose sense of time and end up staring. I'm also worried that if I look them in the eys, it might come off really weird as if my eyes are bulging or something. It also terrifies me a bit because it feels like people are "staring right into my soul". Please, no eye contact. It's the worst when others ask you to kindly maintain eye contact.

 

[lexinonomous]

Making eye contact is one of the hardest experiences for me. People tend to think that I am rude or mean due to my trouble with eye contact. It's more than likely the reason that I've done so poorly in job interviews. I try my best to look into their eyes, but it feels wrong to stare at someone's eyeballs for long periods of time. I cannot seem to make my focal point on the eyes and find my way to imperfections on their faces. I will stare off into the distance, but I've had people point out that I am constantly looking behind them, which made things even MORE awkward during conversation. I don't know what it is about making eye contact that makes me uncomfortable, but I really don't think I will ever get over it.

 

[redpanda]

Like most of you, I have a lot of trouble making eye contact. I know I can be especially bad with strangers because I'll naturally look down or off to the side. I'm trying to work on it but I'm not sure how to "practice", haha. It's just such an ingrained habit at this point .

 

[AnnaHasATaco]

Try looking yourself in the eyes everytime you find yourself in front of a mirror, I find it to be a great sort of "practice".

 

[andy21]

This is something that I have a real big problem with. It doesn't start off as a feeling of fear but more of dread of something that is going to be thought of me and before I know it, I'm looking down or away. It's not that I'm not being honest, as a matter of fact, I practice being more honest simply because of my issues with making eye contact. I know that these aren't issues that everyone suffers from but it seems like everyone is in on it when you have an attack. I have practiced just looking at myself in the mirror and making sure to look at others for longer periods of time in order to try and reduce the affects it has on my life.

 

[justsayyes]

I do have trouble with this as well, i feel like if i make eye contact they can see right through me and see my flaws and judge me hard. But i only happen to have eye contact problem to people i barely know or to complete strangers. People that are somewhat still close to me, not that i have many, i have no issue with looking straight to their eyes as we talk.

 

[cecejailer]

I feel the same as you do. I can talk, I can socialize but I just can't make eye contact. The only person I haven no trouble with is my boyfriend, but even talking to my mother can be trigger my anxiety a bit. I think this is because when someone looks through your eyes, they can see that you're feeling. All us humans have that perception, and as anxiety increases shyness, it makes it harder for us to deal with it. Besides, it's kind of awkward.