LSD caused my social anxiety

[L.E.O]

I ruined my life at age 17, I had one bad acid trip with my friends – they were my friends back then – and then after that bad trip, I never forgave myself for having the bad trip and being afraid of what my friends thought of me. I never forgave myself for doing that. Then other bad trips fallowed, I had no chance by that time, I didn’t believe in myself and always felt guilty for having that first bad trip, well I must have had about 3 or 4 bad trips one after the other.

That pretty much made me truly believe that I was worthless and weak, also by that time my friends were no longer my friends, they had lost respect for me as I did for myself. I could never look at them in the same way again, I felt like they hated me and I deserved it.

The only people I can hang out with now and the only people that can be something like a friend are people that I don’t care about, people that I don’t admire or people that are different enough from me that we don’t really understand each other, people that don’t have similar ideals or a similar way of thinking. Basically it works like this; if I meet a person I actually think is cool and a good guy, and if they have the same preferences as me, we will most likely never be able to become friends, because we understand each other and because we think alike, I will be afraid that they will find out that I have weakness and fear in me and they will try to exploit that by mocking me or treating me disrespectfully, therefore I will never be able to be truly comfortable around them and you cannot be friends with a person you think is always trying to **** with you.

So basically I am alone, I don’t like my life and I don’t see any hope that it will ever change, I am now 23 and after 6 years since that first bad trip I still haven’t been able to truly shake the paranoia or the feeling that some people are better than me. I guess this is it then this will be my life until I die.

Sorry for the huge wall of post, but this is exactly all the stuff that I have thought and sometimes still think.

Post your own experiences that made you have social anxiety, I don't even know if some people need a bad experience? Or it is just born with you?

 

[triceps]

Have you gone to any therapy yet? If you're able to let your past go and start fresh, I really think some good therapy can address your low self-esteem issues.

 

[JustADude]

I have had two super similar experiences, but my worst one was on shrooms. For me I felt like I was being attacked by every thing the guys were saying, and they were some of my best friends. They claim they weren't saying anything to attack me or put me down in anyway so I'm convinced I hallucinated their sentences a different way. Either way after that I kind of always had this feeling of people trying to one up me or shut me down or something along those lines, it is super hard to explain. I've started to get over it recently but I tripped LSD on the fourth of July and had a similar instance. That one I was able to over come way faster because I just talked to my friend about it while it was happening and he reassured me things weren't like that. I don't really have any advice other than thats not really how it is, and as hard as it sounds, once you recognize that nobody really gives a **** about anyone else, you'll understand that nobody is really going to go out of their way to put someone down. I hope that helps but if not I can try to explain somethings if you have questions.