Loving someone with social anxiety

[Guest]

Hi, all


I just found this forum after searching the Net for a while. Hope you guys don't mind my jumping in here.


The reason I've been looking for information on SA is that I'm attracted to a wonderful man whom I been told, suffers from it. We've known each other since we started working together almost a year and a half ago and I can tell that he's interested in me. But he's ultra shy. It took almost a year for him to kiss me like I wasn't his sister, and I had to do something to bring that about! He still blushes every time our eyes meet across a room, or when I invite him to eat lunch. We do talk (a lot), but when we are with other people he's a completely different person.


I simply adore this man. And I know for sure that he feels something for me too. But if I leave it up to him, our relationship will never go beyond a certain level of friendship. What's the best way to handle this? I don't want to make him uncomfortable, but on the other hand I don't want the relationship to stay at this level forever.


Thanks in advance for any feedback.

 

[Guest]

Hi Laura...


have you and him ever really sat and talked about his condition and how it affects you? I think the best thing to do is to take things slow for his sake, but try not to avoid the subject. If he sees that you're trying to understand his problem and work with it, I'm sure he'll appreciate it as most of us have trouble finding someone who'll do that for us. He's extremely lucky to have someone like you and I think he probably knows that. It's just hard to express things sometimes. Surely in the time you've known each other, you've seen more and more signs of him growing more comfortable around you develope, right? Just takes time for something like that. It's very admirable that you go to such lengths to understand his troubles. That makes you truly unique person.

 

[judyd1]

It really is just going to take time, Laura. If you push him too quickly, it will only increase his anxiety and then this is the equation: time with Laura = stress.


People tend to avoid stress and stressful people. You don't want the situation to come to that. I know that you feel the need to speed things up, but don't take away his need to feel masculine and be the pursuer.


For now, take the courtship slow. Enjoy every minute, every glance, every sweet little gesture. When it all comes together, he will love you all the more for your patience.

 

[Sue]

I would suggest that you talk to him about it and tell him how you feel. Maybe he is scared to make that move and he is waiting for you to do it for him. Because of his anxiety he may be second guessing everything and wondering how you feel and what you are thinking. He is scared to move forward in case you don't feel the same way. The best way would be to talk it out. I am sure he would appreciate that. Communication is the key to any great relationship. Wishing you both all the best. I can tell that he really means a lot to you.

 

[pwarbi]

Talking in a relationship is often underestimated and I think nearly everything can be resolved if you sit down and just talk things through. I think it's just human nature sometimes to try and avoid an issue that comes up, and instead of dealing with it then we try and second guess what the other person is feeling and thinking and no matter how much we think we know that person, we often get it wrong.


Social anxiety can affect not only the person that's suffering from it, but also everyone around them as well, and while a lot of the time the person that's dealing with it ca often get caught up in their own feelings and not take the other person's feelings into consideration, but that isn't done on purpose and I think sometimes just by sitting down and talking things through can bring things out in the open and so then both people's opinions can be heard.