Loneliness, Aloneness and Anxiety

[Will Power]

I tend to be a people avoider overall. Being introverted ,I can occupy myself most of the time. I mostly enjoy my alone time. I can recharge my batteries.
But if I have too much time away from people, I actually miss people. Even they can be annoying. Small doses being the key with anyone. I'm sure they prefer small doses of me as well.
Most of my anxiety comes from thinking. And the more I socialise , the more raw data I have to analyse afterwards.
These days it seems I can't just socialise and not try to deconstruct interactions later. When I was younger I was more spontaneous. I guess I'm trying to be in the moment and analyse at the same time. Sounds crazy I know. But sometimes you do need to analyse on your feet. Dealing with aggressive people like salesmen for instance.
I guess my point is if I want to reduce my anxiety I need to stop thinking. Maybe meditate I guess. Though my mind is just too restless for that.
And recently my aloneness has become loneliness. Losing my dear spouse just before Christmas has left a huge vacuum. Grief exacerbates thinking. Thank God I've got a sweet dog at home . No kids. Just a dog who needs me. And I surely need him.
Thanks for reading

 

[Phillies Phan]

Hi Will. Condolences on the loss of your spouse. Anxiety can be a cruel master. If you scroll through some older posts you’ll see that so many of us have some form of chronic anxiety. For some it’s generalized, for many like myself it’s mainly health anxiety. The common thread though are those intrusive thoughts. I do what you do, and try to deconstruct my intrusive thoughts, or encounters. Many of those encounters are between me and myself, in my mind.

This really is a very good forum. You’ll see that you’re far from being alone. You seem to be an analytical person; I’d say the vast majority of us on here are as well. It’s both a blessing and a curse. We tend to do well in our careers, but deal with the “what ifs” regularly, and typically dwell on them.

You should find some good advise on here. What has worked and what hasn't for various members. Our biggest strength as a community is that we’re here for each other and can open up about our emotions to each other which is many times easier in such a setting rather than in so called real life.

We are looking forward to having you join us on this difficult journey.

Bob

 

[suzzeeb]

I'm so sorry for your loss. I can only imagine how difficult that has been. I am a lot like you as far as not having a lot of interaction with others. I am married and have a daughter and 2 grandchildren who visit a couple days a week so I'm not completely alone, but really that's about it. I worked at home for 15 years so didn't even interact with co workers. Like you, it was way easier when I was younger, but I think that's how it is. I also go over every encounter with someone and it stresses me out. I really like being alone more than most people, but I wouldn't want to be completely alone all the time either.

I wonder if you maybe volunteered for very small amounts of time a couple times a week just to have some interactions with others and maybe alleviate some of the loneliness, maybe at an animal shelter where it's more animals than people. I have a counselor that I see a couple times a month just to talk things over, and even though we aren't friends, it is still someone to talk to and only an hour at a time so that helps too. Pets are awesome. I'm glad you have your dog.

 

[Will Power]

Many of those encounters are between me and myself, in my mind.

Smilie..emoticon

Hi Will. Condolences on the loss of your spouse. Anxiety can be a cruel master. If you scroll through some older posts you’ll see that so many of us have some form of chronic anxiety. For some it’s generalized, for many like myself it’s mainly health anxiety. The common thread though are those intrusive thoughts. I do what you do, and try to deconstruct my intrusive thoughts, or encounters. Many of those encounters are between me and myself, in my mind.

This really is a very good forum. You’ll see that you’re far from being alone. You seem to be an analytical person; I’d say the vast majority of us on here are as well. It’s both a blessing and a curse. We tend to do well in our careers, but deal with the “what ifs” regularly, and typically dwell on them.

You should find some good advise on here. What has worked and what hasn't for various members. Our biggest strength as a community is that we’re here for each other and can open up about our emotions to each other which is many times easier in such a setting rather than in so called real life.

We are looking forward to having you join us on this difficult journey.

Bob

That's a heart warming post to be honest. Guess I've built up cynicism over the years belonging to so many forums . Sounds great. Nice to meet you Bob.

 

[Will Power]

Someone called me an "overthinker" at work the other day.
At first I was offended, but after overthinking about it, I totally agree!

 

[MARCC]

A friend of mine had three terrible things in a row happen to him. First he lost his spouse to bone cancer. Then he had prostate cancer and had some issues, but is fine now. Lastly he began having trouble walking and went to the ER and had a benign brain tumor. After 9 hours of surgery at John's Hopkins Hospital, he is fine now. He is a shy and quiet person and still wears his wedding ring. He gets together with friends and family, which he has told me helps him. He also told me work helps keep his mind occupied.

 

[Phillies Phan]

Someone called me an "overthinker" at work the other day.
At first I was offended, but after overthinking about it, I totally agree!

If I had a dollar for every time my wife has called me an overthinker, we’ll maybe not retire, but I could go on a nice expensive vacation. Overthinking is, along with Catastrophizing our nemesis.

A friend of mine had three terrible things in a row happen to him. First he lost his spouse to bone cancer. Then he had prostate cancer and had some issues, but is fine now. Lastly he began having trouble walking and went to the ER and had a benign brain tumor. After 9 hours of surgery at John's Hopkins Hospital, he is fine now. He is a shy and quiet person and still wears his wedding ring. He gets together with friends and family, which he has told me helps him. He also told me work helps keep his mind occupied.

Always a ray of sunshine from you Marc. ‍

 

[Will Power]

Then my brother said i overanalysed.
"Paralysis by analysis". He must have said this 10 times. I wonder why it bothered him so much.guess my communication style in discussions or debates. I should have asked him to elaborate.
One example..I was discussing characters in a Shakespeare play.i think it was Iago. Anyway, I almost gave a thesis answer on my assessment of his character.
Sometimes we just got to let the story tell itself, without too much reflection. But for me reflection is the most interesting part. I prefer to read play commentaries than the play itself. Guess that's too much eh..

 

[MARCC]

The reason I bring up such stories is to show that what someone is going through could always be worse and to be thankful for whatever you have.

 

[MARCC]

An old boss of mine said to me once that there will always be someone better off then you and someone worse off then you. You just have to hope you are somewhere in between.

 

[MARCC]

I myself have had and have some real health issues. In addition, I have health anxiety too. However, I have known people who have passed away from various illnesses and who are currently ill, and I try to put everything in perspective and not make every symptom I have life or death.

 

[Phillies Phan]

I myself have had and have some real health issues. In addition, I have health anxiety too. However, I have known people who have passed away from various illnesses and who are currently ill, and I try to put everything in perspective and not make every symptom I have life or death.

I would only suggest that you consider the fact that some posts can trigger some members anxiety. When you’re talking about a single person who had back pain and later was diagnosed with terminal cancer, you are highlighting that 1 in a long shot. A vulnerable person says, “see, my back pain probably is some sinister disease”.

I think we can all provide examples, but if so, throw in some perspective as well.

Peace and Love.

 

[MARCC]

I disagree with you, but you are entitled to your opinion, and I respect that.

 

[PoonamS]

I tend to be a people avoider overall. Being introverted ,I can occupy myself most of the time. I mostly enjoy my alone time. I can recharge my batteries.
But if I have too much time away from people, I actually miss people. Even they can be annoying. Small doses being the key with anyone. I'm sure they prefer small doses of me as well.
Most of my anxiety comes from thinking. And the more I socialise , the more raw data I have to analyse afterwards.
These days it seems I can't just socialise and not try to deconstruct interactions later. When I was younger I was more spontaneous. I guess I'm trying to be in the moment and analyse at the same time. Sounds crazy I know. But sometimes you do need to analyse on your feet. Dealing with aggressive people like salesmen for instance.
I guess my point is if I want to reduce my anxiety I need to stop thinking. Maybe meditate I guess. Though my mind is just too restless for that.
And recently my aloneness has become loneliness. Losing my dear spouse just before Christmas has left a huge vacuum. Grief exacerbates thinking. Thank God I've got a sweet dog at home . No kids. Just a dog who needs me. And I surely need him.
Thanks for reading

I’m so sorry for your loss! Heartbreaking. You’ll get though it you have us. I’m an over thinker been going to counselling and on medication. A lot of time it’s small things that trigger me. I was happier more alive when younger in my 20s now I’m doing my best to try but easier said than done. If you ever need to chat please don’t hesitate it not only helps you but me also.

 

[MATD]

Over thinking and analyzing our interactions is so much a part of the anxiety spectrum. What is behind it all, in my belief, is lack of self confidence combined with fear. As one of the above posters stated, over thinking and analyzing can be a blessing and a curse. I’m recovering with acceptance therapy, and I’ve found that the more i gain in recovery, the less I have a “need” to over think and analyze or even ruminate. I’m learning to allow all the thinking and separate the positive from the negative, disposing what isn’t helpful in other words. I’ve also found through acceptance practice that my confidence is growing and I’m learning how to live without anxiety as a constant companion. So don’t be hard on yourself for over thinking, etc, but learn to separate the positive from the negative, accept it all as who you are in the present moment. Don’t be down on yourself about interactions with people, it doesn’t help. Just simply be aware of your tendency to over do it. We with anxiety are our own worst enemy, setting high expectations for ourselves and then downgrading ourselves when we don’t meet our own expectations. We don’t have to be perfect, and only we ourselves expect us to be. This, I believe, comes from that lack of confidence, to compensate for the lack thereof. But in reality, I submit that there is none perfect, and I get that statement from the highest authority. To expect more from ourselves than we are truly capable of is to set ourselves up for failure. Think about it.

 

[Will Power]

Over thinking and analyzing our interactions is so much a part of the anxiety spectrum. What is behind it all, in my belief, is lack of self confidence combined with fear. As one of the above posters stated, over thinking and analyzing can be a blessing and a curse. I’m recovering with acceptance therapy, and I’ve found that the more i gain in recovery, the less I have a “need” to over think and analyze or even ruminate. I’m learning to allow all the thinking and separate the positive from the negative, disposing what isn’t helpful in other words. I’ve also found through acceptance practice that my confidence is growing and I’m learning how to live without anxiety as a constant companion. So don’t be hard on yourself for over thinking, etc, but learn to separate the positive from the negative, accept it all as who you are in the present moment. Don’t be down on yourself about interactions with people, it doesn’t help. Just simply be aware of your tendency to over do it. We with anxiety are our own worst enemy, setting high expectations for ourselves and then downgrading ourselves when we don’t meet our own expectations. We don’t have to be perfect, and only we ourselves expect us to be. This, I believe, comes from that lack of confidence, to compensate for the lack thereof. But in reality, I submit that there is none perfect, and I get that statement from the highest authority. To expect more from ourselves than we are truly capable of is to set ourselves up for failure. Think about it.

That's a great post. Thanks

 

[Jonathan123]

Do we dwell too much on the symptoms rather than the positive aspect? Of course we do! But that is anxiety. It's like not expecting to have a runny nose with a cold, it's bound to happen. The most important thing is to accept that it will happen and not be surprised when it does. Symptoms can be shocking, and it's a bit like an earthquake, there will always be after shocks. Absolute acceptance of it all is still the key to recovery. We should all read and re read MATD's post because it is so true. I doubt there is any human on this earth that has not got some problem, however minor. HA dictates that we will always look for health problems where none exist. That is the nature of the beast. But once we are told we are physically ok, then begin to work on getting better by accepting it all and not fighting.

 

[PoonamS]

Do we dwell too much on the symptoms rather than the positive aspect? Of course we do! But that is anxiety. It's like not expecting to have a runny nose with a cold, it's bound to happen. The most important thing is to accept that it will happen and not be surprised when it does. Symptoms can be shocking, and it's a bit like an earthquake, there will always be after shocks. Absolute acceptance of it all is still the key to recovery. We should all read and re read MATD's post because it is so true. I doubt there is any human on this earth that has not got some problem, however minor. HA dictates that we will always look for health problems where none exist. That is the nature of the beast. But once we are told we are physically ok, then begin to work on getting better by accepting it all and not fighting.

I believe this as well I fought so hard against my symptoms ignoring them but once realizing it got only worse I accepted my feelings thoughts and anxiety. It would pass because I finally accepted it all. Back in the day it was me feeling like dander was around the corner even though it wasn’t it was just a thought and feeling and not real. I’ve attempted the grounding exercises once I’m in a anxiety episode but doesn’t do much for me I’ve tried deep breath which helps a tiny bit. But I like clenching my fist and taking deep breaths open and close while I inhale and exhale. Medication has been a favourite of mine before bed.