This is probably going to be a bit of a long story, but it might just help me to put it all out there. Maybe that is enough to put my mind at ease tonight. In short: I live with an unreasonable and ever persistent fear of death. About thirteen years ago a small event completely uprooted my life. I choked while eating and was saved by a family member. This affected everything from eating, sleep and my general view on life going forward. The fact that it happened during such a mundane activity means I relived it at least three, but often more times every single day. It started to feel like every single moment could be my last. From there more irrational thoughts appeared. What guarantee do I have that I will wake up again tomorrow? A feeling that slowly turned into 'tonight will be when I die', every night again, not for days or weeks, but years. Meanwhile I was trapped in a religion that encouraged these feelings. Several times a week, they too reminded me that I would die, and I had better figure out how to be a good person before that happened. This part of my life I have now left behind. Some other things have gotten easier, yet anxiety inevitably leads to these feelings even now. Even tonight. The thing is, adversity is a part of life. I want to have a thicker skin, and make the time I have count, rather than waste it on fear. But after thirteen years I've begun to wonder if this really is something I can change. Will I have to live this way until I do finally reach that final day? Any advice would be appreciated, and if you actually read all of that, you are truly empathic and absolutely amazing.
Living with fear of death
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Maliri
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I understand what you are going through. A few years ago, the same happened to me: I choked on something I ate. Since then it got harder for me to swallow and that lead to trouble eating. My anxiety made everything worse and now sometimes when I’m just eating or inhaling something, I think I choke and start panicking. It got a bit better for me when I went to a dietist. I don’t think this is something that’ll help you too, but maybe you can go and see a doctor if you haven’t done that yet. I hope it’ll get better for you, you’re not alone. There must be a way for you to get better, even if it’s a little bit.
Thank you very much for your comment! I've been to doctors, a psychologist and a lifestyle coach, which I guess is why I was so surprised by how bad it got tonight. That said, the psychologist I went to didn't take any of this seriously, and continued to decide what he wanted to fix about me without my input. It was rather unproductive.
Maliri
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No problem. I have the same experience with psychologists. Mine wanted me to follow some online course which was about self-confidence, while that was not at all my problem. Maybe it'll help you to vent here when you're feeling scared. People here understand, and for me that helps a lot.
Yeah, just talking about this stuff usually does help a lot. Seeing what others are dealing with too. I had the exact same experience with self-confidence exercises, which sure aren't entirely a waste of time, but wasn't why I was there or what I was struggling with. Frustrating, isn't it?
Cuchculan
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Evets like that can change a person. For better or for worse. In your case for the worse. Obvious fear of knowing what did happen and thinking what if it ever happens again. In a way a form of PTSD. We could play the odds game here. odds of the same thing happening twice? It would be just one way to view things. I ended up under a car once. Lucky to be alive. It frightened me. I was in shock. It changed my life. Took me a good few years to ask myself what are the odds that, that could ever happen again to me. It was me trying to reason with myself. It did help with the fear I had been holding onto for many years. but I can understand your fear.
As for Religion? I am a Catholic. Death happens. I accept that. But it is not something a priest would keep tellling you. I know there are various Religions. Some live off of the old Heaven and Hell thing. Do right or you will be struck down. To me that is the wrong way to preach. You don't want people to fear life. you want them to enjoy it. We all know right from wrong. So that message could be brought across in a different way.
As for Religion? I am a Catholic. Death happens. I accept that. But it is not something a priest would keep tellling you. I know there are various Religions. Some live off of the old Heaven and Hell thing. Do right or you will be struck down. To me that is the wrong way to preach. You don't want people to fear life. you want them to enjoy it. We all know right from wrong. So that message could be brought across in a different way.
Maliri
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It can be frustrating indeed. I’ve always found it very hard to find help. Doctors couldn’t really help me and the people around me just don’t seem to understand what it is like to suffer from anxiety. That is why I decided to search for people who are like me, and I came here.
Thank you, both. A lot of things in there that I relate to. My fear though no longer stems from this specific event, but has turned into an overall fear and anxiety. Which does make it a bit more challenging.
There is still some comfort to be found in the odds, but it's more about inevitably than how. When it comes to religion, I have certainly seen that there are a lot of different options outside of this fear based rethoric and have formed my own opinion and found my own path in this.
There is still some comfort to be found in the odds, but it's more about inevitably than how. When it comes to religion, I have certainly seen that there are a lot of different options outside of this fear based rethoric and have formed my own opinion and found my own path in this.
I used to be worried about death myself, but it will happen, and its more painless than not. If you have a fear of death, its because of uncertainty of what could happen to you after death. Seek spiritual help. Work on the spiritual man. If are confident, good things will happen after death then you will stop being afraid of it.
Thanks Joshua. I spent a lot of time on spirituality, but over the year I guess I've come to realize it's more about a lack of control and having limited time. Things have meaning BECAUSE they end and all that, but my brain just isn't having it.
Cuchculan
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Nothing wrong with a bit of praying and a bit of God. But when you have anxiety, your brain is looking for answers. You might have done all the praying you can do. So you think you need to look elsewhere. Explore around a bit. Not saying to give up on the religion at all. Just know there may be other answers. Away from your religion.