Living on hell for the past 5 yrs

[Aspartious]

Hello everyone, I don't know from where to start, but I'm going to be brief as possible since my story could be written in books... just kidding.

Rules for reading this post:
• Excuse my bad English.

It was that day which opened a miserable gate that let me experience a fun time of depression.

I'm not a doctor or even near to any medical profession to describe what kind of anxiety I'm blessed with, but it's related to fearing from diseases, to be specific it's exactly one disease I'm not going to name it, because I don't want to transfer this madness to anyone here I'll keep it secret believe me ignorance is bliss, but it's fatal, and incurable nasty disease. Since I read about it I couldn't forget about how horrible it is, it's like I'm cursed... it started since the begging of 2014 till this moment and I'm still thinking about it, thinking that I may have it, any tiny similar symptoms that I have I say to my self well I think I it's finally hit me, even though my mind sometimes get creative mimicking these symptoms...

I got panic attack from time to time, what should I do, if there is a neuralizer device I'll use it to erase this knowledge of this disease from my head...

Please I seek help.... I don't want to reveal the rest because you'll call me crazy then.

 

[Kelculator]

You're not crazy. I've been there. We have been there. Even if you tell us the details, I would say you are crazy. I have once frantically searched the whole of Google for a disease I was sure I had (spoiler: I don't have it). Been there done that.

I have dug up so much medical conditions I doubt I haven't come across what you are fearing, but I respect you not wanting to disclose it. Let me take a wild guess... is it rare? And you know how rare it is, because you have dug up so much that every link on Google is clicked? It is totally okay to have an irrational phobia of something, in your case, a certain disease. If you look at what I fear, you would go "hey, that is irrational and why are you obsessed with that idea?".

Your fear is driven by anxiety. Yes, the disease is scary, but not to the point you rationally should fear about everyday, and to be the ONLY disease you are obsessed with to this level. It gets better, it really does.

But the root of the problem is not your fear of this disease, but rather, anxiety. Anxiety itself. And you will be okay. I know it hurts, and it is agony. But you will pull through.

 

[foreverworrying]

I don't have much advice, but I just want you to know you're not crazy, we wouldn't call you crazy here anyway, and that you're not alone.

I definitely understand this and have similar things that have worried me since childhood basically. Anything, any illness that I might have a slightly higher chance of getting, anything I see on TV (people with shock illnesses or instantly being taken sick for example), I then worry about and my brain also seems to mimic the symptoms. Some of this recurs daily, for months or years. Other than reminding myself it's just my anxiety, that my anxiety isn't helping me, that if I was taken ill my anxiety wouldn't be the person calling 999, it would be other people. My anxiety serves zero purpose in terms of me worrying about SHOCK or SUDDEN illnesses. Even the most aware and hypervigilant mind cannot predict these things.

Sometimes I worry about others. To the point where I completely watch them endlessly checking they're ok. I tell myself 'I've acknowledged this, I am vigilant for it, but right now I don't need to be WORRIED about it as they seem fine'. And I try to contribute to that person in a positive way, engage with them or talk to them for example, or read something myself that's more useful than worrying!

Have you need to the doctor? People regularly say on here to trust what the professionals say, although its hard.

 

[Aspartious]

Hi again, I really appreciate your help guys,
It seems that I do have an irrational phobia that driving me mental.
and fearing from this disease is not sudden nor happening randomly, it preceded by chain of phobias, it started exactly when I was young when I first saw 9/11 event.. the only affective way of removing these ideas from my head, is replace it with another fear, and so on.. you wouldn't expect how I changed my life, and how I did some silly stuff to prevent something else that might happen.

Your fear is driven by anxiety. Yes, the disease is scary, but not to the point you rationally should fear about everyday, and to be the ONLY disease you are obsessed with to this level. It gets better, it really does.

I'm trying, I did my best to forget about it, these fears are chasing me it's been 5 years +(another wasted years that took my entire life fearing something else), and I couldn't feel any better.

Sometimes I worry about others. To the point where I completely watch them endlessly checking they're ok. I tell myself 'I've acknowledged this, I am vigilant for it, but right now I don't need to be WORRIED about it as they seem fine'. And I try to contribute to that person in a positive way, engage with them or talk to them for example, or read something myself that's more useful than worrying!

I do have similar worries about others too...
I tryed to to do other stuff and work more hours just to throw out my fears, and still that wouldn't even help a little...

I came here to seek help after I did all what I could do, believe me I'm really desperate to the point I would accept what I have, and just live with it... I don't know what should I do, it's my personality to be scared all the time I guess..

I have dug up so much medical conditions I doubt I haven't come across what you are fearing, but I respect you not wanting to disclose it. Let me take a wild guess... is it rare? And you know how rare it is, because you have dug up so much that every link on Google is clicked? It is totally okay to have an irrational phobia of something, in your case, a certain disease. If you look at what I fear, you would go "hey, that is irrational and why are you obsessed with that idea?".

Yes it's rare, caused by unknown, no treatment, you don't even know what to do to prevent it, this is the worst part of it basically you're dealing with random at this point, that's why it's so scary because nothing you can do, just wait and see how lucky you're..

Dr.Google is one of the worst thing that driven my fears tbo.

 

[Marnie]

I felt so bad reading your post. Anxiety really sucks. I know in my brain that every pain/sympton I have is not the end
but that doesn't help. Distractions help sometimes but when you are worrying and don't feel well, its hard to
motivate yourself. This forum is great b/c you can see there are so many others exactly like us.

 

[Kelculator]

It's normal to have a "trigger" switch to an anxiety disorder, in your case the 9/11 incident. Growing up you are always worried. You feel different. And then one serious situation hits Abd it all erupts from there. Happened to me too.
I know it is really hard, otherwise we wouldn't still be on here. Battling anxiety is the hardest thing I have had to do, really. The good news is there are so many people on the same journey, and that anxiety is merely an emotion. GAD is a bully that counts on its power moves. You will get better.