Light at the end of the tunnel

[Robert Turner]

Good for you @comcernedgal
Taking action is sometimes the hardest thing to do, especially where people we love are involved.

It's human nature to want to hold out till the last minute in the hopes of a miracle, but from what you have described, you need to take matters into your own hands and reclaim your life. Well done.

Please let us know how things are going. That's the whole point to the group. Supporting each other.

 

[Zeesi]

Yay, I do feel like that @Zeesi. I feel useless in so many ways like my life has been a waste. I'm not a mother, I have very little contact with my family. I know I am unwanted because I was rejected. Even though we are in touch now after 49 years, it is so very obvious how they think of me. It hurts and it is very fresh. It's confusing too as I've gone from being a sister to my mom and aunties, to being a daughter and niece. I don't know who I am or where my head is supposed to be. I don't know what it feels like to have a mother. Or a family for that matter. I am just alone, me and my dogs. So I am very happy that you are reading my posts and looking at my story because it makes me feel cared for. Thanks so much. But don't forget to share your own and know that as much as you are here for me, that I am there for you too!

I can kind of totally understand what you are saying here. Even though I grew up having two incredible mothers, a birth mother and an adoptive mother who was my great-aunt by blood (one of my birth mother's aunts... one of my grandmother's older sisters), sometimes I feel like I don't know what it feels like to have a mother, as strange as that might sound to some.
I feel like I did, and I feel like I didn't, both at the same time, but I feel grateful though, and love them both.

That is a lot, going from being a sister to being a daughter. I'd probably be super-pissed that nobody seemed to think about how I would feel regarding all the secrets and lies. Ugh. That's rough because your identity has been shaken. It is only natural that you would feel all discombobulated. It is going to take time to feel better. Identity is important, and as with all things, it means different things to different people. Some people just carry on with life, even if, say they are adopted and don't know who they quote-unquote really are. Some adopted people search a lifetime for their birth mother and family, because it can be that important.

It is understandable that in life, people do what they feel like they need or have to do sometimes, and don't think about how it will affect someone else. And the fallout can be devastating.

I feel glad that even though my mom put me up for adoption, my great aunt took me in, and right from the beginning there was no secret as to who my birth mother was. I feel so glad that I did not have to go through life trying/having to find out who I really am, as it was never hidden from me.

I also can identify with you about having family feel a certain way about you, and feeling unwanted and rejected. Thank goodness their is something inside of me, some small, tiny, minute feeling that says, "I don't give a damn what anybody says, I'm freakin' fabulous."
Now, mind you, that voice is very small, I would liken it to one grain of sand on an entire beach full of sand grains, but dammit, it's there, and I hang on to it for dear life. It's not easy, especially when it feels like people have made it part of their life's work to convince me otherwise, but I guess in some small way, the way that people have treated me makes me even more determined to be happy, and have a 'screw what you think' attitude. Don't get me wrong, I feel like I am a very happy person, truly and deeply, but at the same time there are wounds that are there, and that is my reality. But to be fair, don't we all struggle with something?

I feel for you that you feel like your life has been a waste, but you are still here, and you are still vital enough to do many things, obviously, so that's something.
I get discouraged too, with my own self, and the problem with getting discouraged with one's own self is, no matter where you go, there you are. You can't get away from you, you know what I mean? Still, every day is a blessing, it truly is.

 

[janemariesayed]

I'm so glad that you understand the confusion I'm going through. My head is all over the place and I get confused with all sorts of things and I think the reason for other confusion I suffer is because I'm confused anyway with who I am. Like you, I love both of my mothers. But sadly, neither of them seem to really love me. My adopted mother used to beat me and call me names, she would put me down because I came from a children's home and used to call me a didicoi. I never knew what it was. I only found out years later what a didicoi was. even so, when I was a child and she used to call me it I knew it wasn't nice even though I never knew what it meant. She wouldn't let me watch TV, but she would let me watch Oliver Twist when it was on. The stories she would give me to read were stories like 'The little match girl' and if I was taken to the theatre it would be to see 'Annie the musical.' So now I've grown up I've realised that it seems she was trying to drum it into my head about unwanted children.

My bio mother knows that I am depressed but she dosent call me or message me to ask how I am, and when she calls me it's only a quick 5 minuite call. So we don't chat or have a relationship. When we were back in touch a couple of years ago, I tried to make an effort to call her and have a chat to get to know each other and build a relationship but she never answers the phone. Then when we do get to talk she laughs and tells me she dosent recognise the number. Then she says she has to hang up or her cup of tea will get cold.

My wounds are fresh and still bleeding. I've put lots of plasters and creams on but they are still bleeding and with each year they get more and more sore. I am so glad to be finally getting therapy (soon to come) because I know that in the end I will be able to deal with it all. I will learn how to heal those wounds and all that will be left is scars, but they will be healed. I won't have to use creams and potions any more, I wont feel sore in my heart because I will finally learn how to have that attitude that allows me to live my life to the full. I'm looking forward to it really. Even though each day is a struggle at the moment, logic tells me to get that therapy and heal.

 

[janemariesayed]

You sound like an amazing woman. To have survived what you have been through and to still have empathy and understanding for others is a massve achievement. Please don't sell yourself short.

My problem pales in comparison to what you have been through, but in a way you are lucky. Your condition stems from actual abuse and your brain has merely responded the best way it knows how. Its had to cope with a massive amount of abuse, pain and fear and the ego is a very fragile thing. You have done exceptionally well and I am certain that once learn to isolate and leave your past behind you, you will be 100%, I am sure of it. Smile and know that you are loved and learn to love yourself. You are worth it.

I know for sure I will heal in time. It may not be 100% but I know I will heal to an extent to be able to function and enjoy life better. I have read countless articles that state that people who have suffered child abuse never heal completely, but I am going to try to heal as much as I can.

I think I am compassionate because I have been through a lot myself, so I am able to put myself in another's shoes. At least probably easier than someone who has had a great life. That is why forums like this one are really good because we are all able to support each other and give true understanding where it is most needed.