Life’s Testing Me

[adamden]

Well guys, life has decided it wants to test me today.

For starters, I barely got any sleep last night because I had to get up twice to go use the restroom, as I’m still having some issues with my bladder and incontinence, and I don’t wanna take any risks with it at this point.

When I got up the second time, it was around 6:30am my time. I didn’t know that at first, because I had to turn on my TV to check and see what time it was (which I normally do anyways). But this time, it was different. As I was scrolling through my guide to see what time it was, the TV reset and then went back to my guide. No big deal right? Wrong.

A few moments later, my TV decides to tweak out, make a high pitch frequency noise, make television marks, scare the living daylights out of me, ultimately leading me to screaming because it scared me so bad, while also throwing my remote at the direction of the TV, and yep, you guessed it, waking my entire family up. My parents had to calm me down from having a full-blown panic attack and I couldn’t go back to sleep after that. I’m still super tired.

NOW if that wasn’t all, something else came up. Usually when I’m doing stuff and working on things on my laptop, I play YouTube videos in the background. I listened to The Anxiety Guy’s health anxiety affirmations, and then went to some other videos. Well for some reason, after one video finished, it went to some wacko video about the top 10 most dangerous guests on Dr. Phil (of all things that, no idea why). It explained how one girl passed away shortly after the show was taped due to “mysterious causes”. And guess what? Yep, anxiety triggered. Incontinence episode happened, luckily I was wearing my Guard, so everything got caught. I found out that she actually overdosed on heroin, but there is debate on whether her death is a hoax, bla bla bla, whatever. I should’ve rationalized, but couldn’t.

I could really use some advice guys. Just a shoulder to lean on at this point. This is just so frustrating

 

[Cuchculan]

Do we start with the whole TV thing. Just asking. Are you sure you didn't hit any other buttons by mistake? I ask this because I have done it myself on an old TV we had downstairs. Thought I was doing one thing, only to see the TV do something odd. Like tune itself in. You had been asleep. You just woke up. If that was me I would be hitting every wrong button. As I would be still half asleep. In your mind this probably didn't happen. You are probably sure beyond all doubt this never happened. But that could be the anxiety telling you this. That it was not a simple mistake, that something weird really did happen all by itself. Now we will stop for a minute. We will ask ourselves do things like this happen all by themselves as a rule? Obvious answer would be ' NO '. I am not saying you are going mad or anything like that. Not even saying that to you it didn't seem like it happened by itself for no reason at all. I am sure that is what your mind thought straight away. I am sure it still thinks that now. But we have to use a little bit of logic with these sort of things. Certain things just don't happen by themselves. The toilet doesn't flush by itself. The hall door doesn't just open by itself. We look for reasons. Hitting a wrong button by mistake would be reason enough for me. Can be done when a person only wakes up. Probably easier to do that than a lot of other things. It is just a suggestion. Based on the fact that things don't just happen for no reason at all.

You Tube. I love that site. Spend a lot of my day on it. You know what happens every once in a while? That option to play the next video, after the one I am watching turns itself on. It is up in the right hand corner. If on it turns blue. I have always wondered why this happens. Do You Tube make it happen? Because I always like it switched off. Just letting you know that it does happen. So when one video ends it will play another video. Not sure what you use when on You Tube. I find with my laptop computer it can make a clicking sound and a new video will begin. As if I had clicked on the other video. Granted the content of the video that came on was not nice. It frightened you. Some people can watch those sort of videos. Other people can't watch them. It was a big trigger for you. Maybe have a look at the safety options on You Tube. Restricted mode is down the bottom of the home page. Maybe turn it on. So only certain videos can be watched. Just an idea for you.

I hope you are feeling better when you are reading this. What you went through early in the morning was a bad trigger for you. A few hours would have passed at this stage. Wishing you all the best. Always here to listen and help out if I can.

 

[adamden]

Wow Cuchculan, where do I begin? Thank you so so much for this great response. You really have picked me up. I can't thank you enough.
To answer your question about did I hit any other buttons, I can say for sure that I did not. And I know that's not my anxiety convincing me of that LOL, that is a legitimate answer. My TV did reset on its own, but I'm starting to think it's just because that I'm having issues with it. There are two separate remotes that control my television, one for the actual television set itself and then one for the Roku operating system I use (I'm assuming you know what Roku is). I'm starting to think that my TV did that because it is starting to get old and really may truly need to be replaced, but my Roku could've also done that too because it has issues connecting to my internet and has been having trouble keeping a connection. Who knows, it could've been at its wit's end there. LOL.
As for the YouTube issue, I will definitely look into the restricted mode and see if it'll help block out some of those things at all. It was just so random how that came up as the next video after listening to some sports news today. Like how does sports news pertain to Dr. Phil? YouTube's algorithm makes no damn sense at all LOL.
Again, appreciate your help man. You're a Godsend for me.

 

[adamden]

Hey everyone! I just had another bowel movement (which are thankfully back on schedule after my last worry about the frequency of them), but this one was different in color, more lighter brown than a normal brown, I don’t think it was yellow though.
That wouldn’t mean anything, correct?

 

[adamden]

Alright. I’m gonna admit. Today is just not my day.

I got back home from running some errands and was working on some stuff on my laptop when suddenly, when I was looking at my phone and then set it down, I noticed there was blood on my right hand. Not too much, but still, blood’s blood. I showed my mom and she looked and noticed that one of my acne bumps was bleeding too. So I washed my hands and then washed my face with soap and water, and a face wipe that contains some cleaning ingredients in it.

problem in all this is I don’t even remember touching my face, so I’m not entirely convinced the blood came from there, even though there’s no visible cut on my hand and blood was on the face wipe I used.

Should I be convinced that that’s what it was?

 

[adamden]

Hey guys, going back to this thread a minute with a curiosity question.

I was getting some food out of my teeth after lunch today when I noticed something on my gum, above my back left moler tooth. Almost felt like a scratch/cut of some kind, but there wasn’t any bleeding coming from it and it just feels like a line (sorry for the terrible description) on my gum, different from what my gum normally feels like.

Any idea on what it could be? I tried looking in my mirror to see if I could see it, but it’s too far back that I can’t see it clearly.