Kinda feeling like an outsider

[Howlingvapor]

So as someone with social anxiety it’s hard for me to make friends. I feel like I’m always trying too hard and taking every little gesture or word as something really negative or really positive...mostly negative. So recently I’ve been sort of reconnecting with an old friend from high school who happens to be a coworker of mine. He’s a nice guy, he’s the type of person everyone knows and likes. So the other day we were just shooting the breeze and it came up that he’s turning 21 tomorrow or I guess today since it’s 12:09 as I’m writing this. Well anyway one thing led to another and another coworker chimed in and before you know it we had a designated driver and a plan to go bar hopping Sunday night. Well the plan kinda fell apart the today when our driver wasn’t sure she wanted to go and my friend was thinking about covering for someone at work on his birthday. So he told me that he wanted to celebrate early at midnight tonight at an unspecified bar. I said cool keep me posted and tonight I messaged him if we were still doing that and he didn’t respond, but I saw on Snapchat he posted about going but didn’t say which bar or anything so I messaged him again a bit later asking which bar he was going to and no response. I figured well maybe he as snap notifications off so I texted him and no response. It’s 12:17 and I’m pretty sure I’m not going. Keep in mind the whole time this is happening I’m getting more and more depressed as the clock ticks towards midnight. So here I am feeling sorry for myself like usual.

Now keep in mind I wasn’t close friends with this guy even back in high school, we weren’t blood brothers or anything we just did theater together and shared some laughs. So I shouldn’t feel that hurt I shouldn’t even care, but I do and that’s why I think I don’t ever get invited to stuff. I stress about everything so much and get so disappointed when plans don’t work out and I hate myself for it. I have like 2 close friends that I feel comfortable enough to go out and make plans with and I think I’m only comfortable with them because I’ve known them since the second grade and by now they’re used to my bs. I’m just feeling really miserable right now over something so stupid and small it doesn’t make sense. I feel stupid for being hurt by this why am I so god dang sensitive. I hate feeling this way over nothing. I guess I was just really excited to have drinking buddies for once, people that are down to do cool stuff and live a little. I love my two best friends, but the only one of them that’s 21 doesn’t like going to bars and I practically have to beg to even go do something fun and exciting because god forbid he go to an open mic night at a bar on a school night. I don’t know what I’m even saying at this point, I just feel cooped up and anxious and sad that I suck so much as a person that I’ve become the weirdo friend that you keep around but don’t invite to stuff because he’s awkward.

Fml I just hate that I’m like this


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[Joshua1]

Do not hate yourself but love who you are and appreciate who you are. You are special and unique. The way to stop feeling like an outsider, is to believe in yourself and blend in with the crowd, and talking to who you want out of the crowd. Invest in family, they are a good starting point.