Just want some insight about how I am Feeling. I know i cant be diagnosed over the internet but just want some kind of help

[Jcd1994]

Not sure if this is the right spot to post this, but either way. About 7 years ago I had a bad experience with a hallucinogen drug I didn't know I was taking. After about 30 minutes I started to realize things were getting out of control which sent me into a huge panic attack. I thought I died, that my friends weren't real, and that I was stuck forever, thank goodness it all passed. It took about 3 hours before I settled down, after that experience I quit smoking, both cigarettes and marijuana( which I had only smoked for about a month) so on top of being very uneasy from the bad trip I was also experiencing severe nicotine/marijuana withdrawals. After getting straight and off of everything I still have lingering anxiety/depression( or at least that what I think I have from research I have done) especially health anxiety. Also, I dont meddle with any form or drugs or alcohol any longer due to fear of losing control again. The only thing I'll do is occassionally go back to nicotine in the form of chewing tobacco. I'm overly anxious about being allergic to food now, thinking I'll have a sever allergic reaction, or that I'm developing a sever mental illness such as schizophrenia or major depressive disorder. Either way fast forward since that time 7 years ago every time I dabble in chewing tabacco which only last for all of 1-2 months I'll quit cold Turkey and I'll suffer withdrawals again. I'll go back and forth from quitting and chewing about once a year. I'll chew for a month then quit cold Turkey again and then wont chew for another 9-12 months or so. So each time I go through the withdrawals all of my issues will come back, but usually after about 3-4 months lol start to feel better again and only deal with mild anxiety. I wont write too long of a story so I'll describe the most recent time, which I quit back in april. Since then I would constantly worry about developing schizophrenia and going insane( my biggest fear) along with minor panick attacks and depression, and also severe depersonalization and derealization, it's been about 4 months and I started to feel better about 2 weeks ago, but now I feel like my anxiety/depression is coming back, with a vengeance. I feel so weird I cant explain it, the best attempt I can do to explain would be depression and anxiety but with no flight or fight response. If that makes sense? Like I'm used to my thoughts of depression and anxiety and my fear of going insane but at the same time I feel like shouldn't be. Its causing me distress and I feel like I'm constantly trying to Google for answers that can relieve any of the distress but to no avail. So currently I feel like I'm seperated from my surroundings, nothing looks familiar to me(if that makes any sense) I was having pretty depressive thoughts. However I feel like I also have no emtions towards anything, like I can't even cry or feel joy, and that really scares me. I constantly overthink everything. I think I have ocd,anxiety, and depression. However that's my self diagnosis. Any insight or help would be much appreciated.

 

[Anxiouslizzy2000]

First off how old are you? If you don’t feel comfortable what’s your age range? Because that can cause natural depression if you are younger like a teen or in your twenties.. but the health anxiety might be from screwing with your brain so much when it comes to addiction. I used to smoke weed every single day until i too had a terrible experience, (I accidentally smoked synthetic marijuana) I was never into tabacco, however I can say that ever since I had that experience I have been terrified of getting epilepsy or a brain tumor and terrible crazy diseases with the brain as well. But I know nicotine can cause severe withdrawal symptoms and in your case it can easily heighten anxiety a great amount. Anyway it sounds to me like you definitely have an anxiety disorder, especially since you experience depersonalization all the time.. it is normal to feel emotionless when you have a disorder. To me all of your problems sound like simple health anxiety and depression but in your case smoking might have made it a lot worse and it will continue to if you keep using it and then cutting off cold turkey.

 

[Jcd1994]

I am 25, thanks for Sharing your experience too. I just was beginning to feel better and then all of a sudden I feel completely disconnected again and i just feel empty

 

[Anxiouslizzy2000]

My anxiety comes in waves it will go away for months and sometimes even a year and then come back worse then ever. It is so hard but just realize that at least from what I’ve heard you don’t have any alarming symptoms. You might feel so empty from the withdrawals you need to find a hobby or something you love to do that you can get pleasure out of. And you might try cbd if you haven’t already I take Zoloft and a low dose of cbd and it makes me feel more connected and happier to the world

 

[AnxiousBean]

Hi jcd1994,
May I ask why you would go back to the tobacco? If that was what triggered your withdrawal-driven anxiety, why did you go back to it? Also, what was the time between stopping and starting again? Perhaps the chemicals didn't have a chance to fully leave your system before you started chewing again, and that exacerbated things. It's probably best if you didn't use any tobacco products... because it sounds like nicotine is a trigger for you, as it is for most people - especially during withdrawal. Would you say that the episode with the hallucinogen was your first experience with anxiety? Or did it exist before that and it made it worse?

 

[Jcd1994]

The reason I keep getting back into chewing tabacco is mainly due to me giving into social pressure, some of my family chews tobacco. The last time I started though was due to a new coworker that started to work with me who chews everyday. Which is very stupid on my part.
Now that I look back I can tell that I had some anxiety as a teenager, mainly social though and not very bad either. I would get nervous of playing sports in front of people.. but like I said it was kinda of minor because I had no problems speaking in front of my classmates. So that's the only thing that kinda points towards anxiety for me I guess. I did get depression when me and my first girlfriend split up, but I'm sure that's probably normal and it didnt last too long maybe a few weeks. No, I was starting to get bad anxiety from smoking weed and it was getting progressively worse up until I had the hallucinogen, at which point I quit everything it scared me so bad. Which after 6-8 months I got over. It's so weird for me right now because I started to feel better about a week ago, which the last 3 months have been hell for me between having bad anxiety and severe dp/dr. But all of a sudden about 3 days ago I started to feel really spaced out and unreal and having weird thoughts.

 

[AnxiousBean]

Any significant happen to you in the past week? Or is anything significant coming up? And what kind of thoughts are you having?

 

[Jcd1994]

Nothing really significant, and just crazy thoughts like nothing around me is real, I think that what if I'm just in a coma and I'm just imaging everything or that I'm living in a dream. Thoughts that just dont make really any sense and I just get random thoughts that pop in my head that dont make any sense

 

[AnxiousBean]

I think that's actually pretty normal. I sometimes get strange ideas and thoughts like that but I don't really believe them. Are you saying you actually believe these thoughts and ideas are true?

 

[Jcd1994]

I dont truly believe they are real but it's just how I feel

 

[Jcd1994]

Believing them would be along the lines of delusional right

 

[AnxiousBean]

Yeah, I think you're okay. If you truly believed those thoughts or ideas, that's a whole separate conversation. It sounds like you have an active imagination, just like I do. Mine is overactive so I tend to visualize alot of things I'd rather not. You're going to be okay let the thoughts pass by like cars on a highway. Don't obssess over them, but acknowledge the thought and move on, if you can.

 

[Jcd1994]

I think I'm just experiencing really severe Derealization and depersonalization. Obviously my biggest issues stem from anxiety( or at least I think) but mainly I think or what gives me comfort is that if I was really in the prodrome stages of schizophrenia it would have came out when I smoked weed and from the time of my really bad trip from the Hallucigen..