I have struggled with social anxiety for almost six years now, and let me tell you -- it sucks. I was withdrawn from everyone. I stopped speaking at school. Family members I was always close to, I drifted away from. All my friends disappeared. The only person in the world that I was truly myself around was my mom. Now, seeing how I barely left the house more than a few times a month, you can imagine how this limited social interaction besides her took a toll on me. It was awful being so alone, but at the same time I didn't want to do anything about it. I was so, so scared. I couldn't make eye contact with anyone besides my mom. Not even to other family members, or my therapist during our appointments, which my mom had to be present for because I couldn't handle being alone in there. Crowds made me panic. Teens my own age made me panic. Strangers looking at me made me panic. Panic, panic, panic. So much stress. I was miserable. When I was close to turning 18, I cried all the time due to the fear of being an adult when I knew I couldn't take care of myself or function normally around people. There was no hope for me. And then there was.
In February of this year, I took a giant leap and moved several states away to live with my dad. Things hadn't been going well with my mom; she was tired of dealing with my mental illness. I was so scared that I wouldn't be able to function around him, but thankfully he was an exception like my mom is to my social anxiety. He was so much more understanding about my illness, so much more patient, and a whole lot more compassionate. He worked with me, not pushing me, but helping me take baby steps with my anxiety. I started going to church with him, and while it was scary being around new people, I forced myself to make eye contact. To be polite and hold conversation. With him by my side encouraging me, it got easier to handle. A few months after getting here, I went on a roadtrip with a friend from church without him there to comfort me if things went wrong. Things went amazingly. Since then I've ordered my own food at restaurants -- something I was never able to do, sang in the choir at church in front of everyone, talked to strangers when the situation calls for it, and so much more. I leave the house now almost every single day. I'm no longer afraid of people! It's such a completely freeing feeling, to finally be rid of the anxiety and stress that plagued me for years.
It's been a year since that time when I was turning 18 and I was so panicked. It's amazing how much my life has turned around. I'm turning 19 now and I actually have friends. I have a boyfriend. I'm looking to hold down a job, which I never thought I could do. Honestly if I could do this, if I could get away from that dark time in my life and be happy, I'm sure anyone can. I have faith.
Thank you for reading.
In February of this year, I took a giant leap and moved several states away to live with my dad. Things hadn't been going well with my mom; she was tired of dealing with my mental illness. I was so scared that I wouldn't be able to function around him, but thankfully he was an exception like my mom is to my social anxiety. He was so much more understanding about my illness, so much more patient, and a whole lot more compassionate. He worked with me, not pushing me, but helping me take baby steps with my anxiety. I started going to church with him, and while it was scary being around new people, I forced myself to make eye contact. To be polite and hold conversation. With him by my side encouraging me, it got easier to handle. A few months after getting here, I went on a roadtrip with a friend from church without him there to comfort me if things went wrong. Things went amazingly. Since then I've ordered my own food at restaurants -- something I was never able to do, sang in the choir at church in front of everyone, talked to strangers when the situation calls for it, and so much more. I leave the house now almost every single day. I'm no longer afraid of people! It's such a completely freeing feeling, to finally be rid of the anxiety and stress that plagued me for years.
It's been a year since that time when I was turning 18 and I was so panicked. It's amazing how much my life has turned around. I'm turning 19 now and I actually have friends. I have a boyfriend. I'm looking to hold down a job, which I never thought I could do. Honestly if I could do this, if I could get away from that dark time in my life and be happy, I'm sure anyone can. I have faith.
Thank you for reading.
