It’s just too much for me

[simplify456]

My anxiety has been at its worst in the past 5-6 months. I’ve started a new relationship and a new job and I’m always finding something or fearing the worst that both will end. I always think my boyfriend wants to leave me and I drive Myself into a state of panic. I keep Over analyzing everything he says or does and I never Trust him even though he gives me no reason to feel like I shouldn’t. I’m really hurting myself and I know It. He says I’m not being myself with him and I act Like I’m afraid to be honest or say what I want To him and it worries me that he’ll get tired of me and leave. With my new job, I always Think I’m on the brink of being fired, but I feel like my anxiety has really affected my performance (to an extent). It’s so hard because I don’t want to hurt anybody or make anyone uncomfortable. I think My anxiety really affected my job and I won’t be surprised if I get fired this week. The pressure has been too much for my anxiety at work. A part of me almost feels like I’ll be relieved to leave, but a part of me is also feeling like am I just making this all worst in my mind and I somewhat do want to keep my job. I’m suffering internally and it’s hard on me. I’m also so angry about my job because they have put me under such pressure in the first 3 months and I didn’t realize I’d have to fight tooth and nail to keep this job while I’m still learning and it’s not been the easiest of companies. I can Tell my anxiety has eradicated a part of my happiness and it makes me really hurt. I don’t Know what path to start or what to do to regain myself again and get rid of this horrible condition.

 

[Vandelsrock21]

Good evening! I can relate to you on many levels. I don't trust and i doubt constantly. I would suggest you see a councilor to help sort out your feelings. I guarantee nothing is as it seems. Its your anxious mind casting these doubts and really bringing your fears to light. The job thing is tough though isnt it. Is it your job or your anxiety that makes it hard? I have to ask my self that sometimes. I feel if i quit my job i will never start working again just disappear become homeless. But anyway i found the more exposure i had to stressful fast paced work environment i had the better i felt. I got through it. Another example is my fear of heart problems. I have a snowmobile been sitting for three years. The being fare away from thing was really getting to me. I decided no more missing out and went for it. I was scared and not feeling good. I ended up having a panic attack at 5k feet but i couched myself through it. Told my buddies what was going and finally relaxed and we had a blast. I was sweating blood was pumping and my heart was racing. My mind was focused on other things besides my heart. And i was so proud of myself. Do things that make proud and be honest with your partner about how your feel. Hope this helps best of luck.

 

[simplify456]

You are right. My partner has suffered from anxiety, but he’s been honest with me about it, and when I look at his life, it appears as though he’s managed to get it under control with a good routine. I on The other hand, I have tried to be more forceful of myself and my own actions. Honestly, it’s become a problem. I cant even pay a bill out of fear that I won’t have money left to survive. It’s very hard. I find that when I force Myself to do the things I fear, I feel Better because I get a level of control on the things I fear. Therapy is mandatory for me at this point. With my job, I can still distinguish between when it’s my anxiety or it’s a genuine reality that is causing a problem and the job in itself has been way harder than they told me. This already plays on my anxiety. The company is inefficient and they are passing the weight of its inefficiencies onto the new team and blaming us for the lack of productivity and it’s only been 3 months, and that’s something my anxiety is having a hard time with. I’m going to try and start therapy this week and also get into an exercise routine. Thank you for your kind words.

 

[simplify456]

Well, I lost my job today. A part of me is relieved from the anxiety, but a part of me is dissapointed that I lost my livelihood. I've also learnt to not stay in places where I'm not happy and is causing me stress also.

 

[Vandelsrock21]

Sorry to hear that did they say why

 

[simplify456]

They said it was sales, but the company just isn't in a position to ask for what they were asking for and putting that kinda pressure on people which really has been an issue for my anxiety. I'm not happy I'm in this place, but I'm also relieved that I don't have to feel that pressure. It's been a hard pill to swallow and my anxiety is a little up right now.

 

[Vandelsrock21]

Hello. I am sorry your going through a hard time. Only real advise i can give you is dont let your anxiety become a disability. You to go out and enjoy it. We both know life is short and we don't have time for anxiety.

 

[smilingsoul]

Simplify, one of the best things you can do for your anxiety is to treat yourself compassionately about it. Think how you would act towards a good friend who is suffering like this; you owe it to yourself to be as compassionate. Our own self-talk can be amazingly powerful, for good and especially for ill. Learning how to re-frame your thoughts through therapy can go a long way towards getting you in a better place with your anxiety. I'm sorry to hear you lost your job. Even if its a relief from pressure, it's also a disruption and can be stressful. At least you know what kind of company to avoid!

 

[simplify456]

I honestly am doing my best to not carry the burden with this job loss. The company honestly wasn’t ready to hire people just yet and I seen the red flags early. It just is what it is I guess

 

[simplify456]

This is something I find very hard. With my anxiety, it becomes very apparent to people whether through friendships, work, relationships. And I feel judged alot for my actions which are caused by my anxiety. If I'm not communicating, not doing something out of fear, and often it's because my anxiety has so much fear in front of me. I think this happened with areas of my job and my manager noticed where I wasn't being confident enough to do things. My friend today pointed out to me that I worry too much and just need to do the things and stop thinking and I agree with him. The hard thing with anxiety is that you wear it and it affects so many areas of your immediate life. It's not like a rash you can hide under your sleeve. I need to get some serious help with this.