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It’s a Battlefield- Awful Time Today

Camden

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I’m really struggling today and I feel like I shouldn’t because I’ve increased my medication a month ago. I feel guilty for even expressing my feelings most of the time. Please bare with me, I’m really upset today.

I felt like I was having a good week and then the you-know-what hit the fan at work today over something so trivial, it’s hardly worth mentioning. Long story short, my most trusted coworkers turned on me today when another coworker completely had a meltdown, and blamed me for it. It was rather scary actually, first time I felt physically endangered in this job. I feel like I do so much on the job. I do 99 things right and when one tiny thing is out of place, people lose their minds. It’s so infuriating and I feel absolutely terrible about myself. I feel like the standard is perfection and I’ll never ever be good enough.

That’s it, there’s nobody at my work I have camaraderie with anymore. I have a boss I’m afraid of, and now a team of colleagues who delight in finding my faults and making me doubt myself all the time. My past year at this job has gone to hell in a hand basket and I dread going into work every day now. It’s been an anxious day and I’ve been extremely “shaken up” and unable to focus.

I’m physically ill nearly every day, I cannot shut off on the weekends, and I deal with random sad and intrusive thoughts as I do my best to keep a stiff upper lip and deal with all my bottled up anxiety and frustration.

I’m at a loss for what to do. I don’t want to keep going to a job I hate, and I feel like I’ll have to relocate and make major life changes within a short time to find a job that I like and is within my educational history.

It’s really been a rotten day. Thank you for letting me get this off my chest.
 

AMcSwain

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I’m really struggling today and I feel like I shouldn’t because I’ve increased my medication a month ago. I feel guilty for even expressing my feelings most of the time. Please bare with me, I’m really upset today.

I felt like I was having a good week and then the you-know-what hit the fan at work today over something so trivial, it’s hardly worth mentioning. Long story short, my most trusted coworkers turned on me today when another coworker completely had a meltdown, and blamed me for it. It was rather scary actually, first time I felt physically endangered in this job. I feel like I do so much on the job. I do 99 things right and when one tiny thing is out of place, people lose their minds. It’s so infuriating and I feel absolutely terrible about myself. I feel like the standard is perfection and I’ll never ever be good enough.

That’s it, there’s nobody at my work I have camaraderie with anymore. I have a boss I’m afraid of, and now a team of colleagues who delight in finding my faults and making me doubt myself all the time. My past year at this job has gone to hell in a hand basket and I dread going into work every day now. It’s been an anxious day and I’ve been extremely “shaken up” and unable to focus.

I’m physically ill nearly every day, I cannot shut off on the weekends, and I deal with random sad and intrusive thoughts as I do my best to keep a stiff upper lip and deal with all my bottled up anxiety and frustration.

I’m at a loss for what to do. I don’t want to keep going to a job I hate, and I feel like I’ll have to relocate and make major life changes within a short time to find a job that I like and is within my educational history.

It’s really been a rotten day. Thank you for letting me get this off my chest.
You should never feel unsafe at work. Is there anyone higher up you can take this issue to? I would hate going to a job everyday where I felt unsafe that’s enough to make anyone anxious. I know easier said than done but try not to bring work home and just do things when you get off that ease your mind. Maybe your meds are also messing with you. If they were upped and still not working maybe there is something else you can try. Hope you start feeling better!
 

Camden

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You should never feel unsafe at work. Is there anyone higher up you can take this issue to? I would hate going to a job everyday where I felt unsafe that’s enough to make anyone anxious. I know easier said than done but try not to bring work home and just do things when you get off that ease your mind. Maybe your meds are also messing with you. If they were upped and still not working maybe there is something else you can try. Hope you start feeling better!
Thanks AMcSwain.

I feel like I’m being berated and disrespected nearly every day. It’s been going on for a while. I either need to call out my colleagues’ bad behavior or talk to someone higher up. I’m afraid to do either, however I would be more comfortable going with the latter and reaching out to an upper manager or HR.

Is wrong for me to go into work expecting to be criticized and complained to? I feel like I do my job well, however I feel like it’s a very cold and unfriendly environment among my team and boss.
Now that other additional colleagues are becoming hostile and disrespectful, I feel worse than ever being here.

My field of work is a traditionally high stress and demanding profession. I’m my colleagues’ defenses, I’m not the only one who deals with hard days and challenging personalities. Anxiety is indeed contagious and I find myself feeding off of others’ anger and stress.
 

AMcSwain

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Thanks AMcSwain.

I feel like I’m being berated and disrespected nearly every day. It’s been going on for a while. I either need to call out my colleagues’ bad behavior or talk to someone higher up. I’m afraid to do either, however I would be more comfortable going with the latter and reaching out to an upper manager or HR.

Is wrong for me to go into work expecting to be criticized and complained to? I feel like I do my job well, however I feel like it’s a very cold and unfriendly environment among my team and boss.
Now that other additional colleagues are becoming hostile and disrespectful, I feel worse than ever being here.

My field of work is a traditionally high stress and demanding profession. I’m my colleagues’ defenses, I’m not the only one who deals with hard days and challenging personalities. Anxiety is indeed contagious and I find myself feeding off of others’ anger and stress.
I may be completely different than you but I wouldn’t put up with it. I’d let them know it needs to stop or you will be going over them. I have had issues at work with certain people and I’ve learned once they realize I’m not the one to mess with it stopped and I’m pretty close with one of them now. Sometimes people just like to see how far they can push and you can’t let them do it to you.
 

Camden

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My problems are that I feel responsible for everyone’s happiness, I am a perfectionist, I fear losing my job, I fear failure, and recently my colleagues are treating me like the scum of the earth. I’ve become the workplace scapegoat who fields all complaints from IT problems, to Amazon shipping delays, to missing office supplies, to leaky faucets. Unless I get a legitimate opportunity on my job that advances my career really soon, I’m going to dust off my resume and begin looking elsewhere. Wish me luck…
 

Phillies Phan

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Hi Camden,

Like AM, I myself simply wouldn’t put up with it. I’m older than you, and one of the truths I’ve finally learned is that it is never worth spending a second worrying about what another person thinks of me, be it at work, extended family, etc. I also would let the offenders know that this is going to stop now..period end of sentence. Go to management or HR. They’ll either help,or you’ll know for a fact it’s time to move on. Contentment is hard enough to have, let alone happiness. My HA stands in the way for me, but other people never do. I will not give anyone that power.
 

MATD

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Medications are a good helper, but they don’t change the negative thinking, we’ve got to do it ourselves. And that takes time. Look at what you said about yourself and understand these views of yourself are due to critical expectations of yourself which has to change for your well being. Reread James’ comments about the critical inner voice. You aren’t going to be able to be perfect, no one is. You aren’t responsible for other’s happiness or well being, only your own. Work on acceptance from this angle. If there is anything that you feel you need to apologize to your coworker for, do it. But if not, stand your ground. The workplace is for work, not fraternizing. While it would be nice to be chummy with coworkers, you’ve got to understand that you are the only one who will stand up for you in the workplace when the s*** hits the fan. In this setting, it’s every man for himself. Changing jobs for this reason is just swapping one office for another one exactly the same as far as coworkers go. The job may be different, but people are the same everywhere you go. Food for thought.
 

Jonathan123

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Now why would any of us give a moments thought to what people think of us? It's what we think of ourselves that matters. Self esteem is so important. If anyone feels right in their own skin, and acts from love and understanding then to hell with the rest of them.
Everyone has hangups of one sort or another, and scapegoating is common. They project their own fears and anxiety on to others.
It relieves their own pain. Changing jobs may help, but as MATD says, people are people and one office is not much different to another.
I do agree about apologizing, but only if you are sure it's your fault. If not then stand your ground. In the face of bullies it is wrong to vacillate. They will take advantage of anyone they consider weak. Bullies are so often weak people inside trying to appear strong outside.
As Phillies Phan rightly says, never give a thought about what others think about you. I gave that up years ago. Most of their opinions are worthless. If someone you respect tells you that you have a personality fault, then don't react. Examine the statement. It may be that it is something you need to correct. If you feel it is untrue thank them for taking the time to tell you, but tell them you disagree. But be sure they are not right. We so often will not admit to our own faults.
 

Nutmeg

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I’m so sorry you’re going through this Camden, work and colleagues can be one of our biggest causes of anxiety and is made worse when you’re already so susceptible to it.
I too have the constant fear of failure and losing my job, I won’t accept anything other than perfection from myself. Apparently it’s called ‘Moral Perfectionism’ and is very common amongst people with ocd and anxiety.
 

Camden

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Thank you everyone for your support and advice. It’s been a better day today. I’m simply doing my job and controlling what I can control. I’m working to avoid reacting to things I can’t control whether it be a shipping delay, a rude email from a coworker, traffic, etc. It is not worth my time fret over those petty things too much, especially because I have work to do and more important things to tend to today.
 

RLM

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I'm so sorry to hear you are struggling. Life can be so hard for people with our mental health issues. Try to focus on the fact that you ARE doing the best you can in a terribly difficult situation. Maybe just taking a peek at other available jobs might help. Who knows? Mayne a better situation is waiting.
 

Cirqueme

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I am in the same boat this week, hang in there.... I'm panicking constantly and always feel sick to my stomach....no medicine or therepy is helping me.
 

Camden

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How are you all doing?
It's been okay lately. I caught up with one of my buddies this weekend and we had a really good and honest talk about how stuff in our lives is going. We have a lot in common, similar personalities, and are both construed as the office "nice guys." My friend says he understands the struggle of wanting to give everyone everything they want, and how hard it is to set boundaries and say "no." I love having such great friends, and I don't feel quite so alone in this struggle now.
 
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