I'm not sure if I'm just worried about this because my wedding is a week away, or if there's actually something to be concerned about here.
I'm starting to think I may have an unhealthy level of obsessive interest in my soon-to-be-husband and I'm starting to think I may have attachment issues.
Everyone has always told me that in healthy relationships, couples should spend an equal amount of time apart as they spend together. The only time I'm not spending time with Dave is when I'm at work or in classes. When I'm at home I have to be with him every minute and I can't bear to be away from him. Even if I do something like grocery shopping or clothes shopping, he has to come with me. When I do laundry or cook dinner or walk my dogs, I want to make sure he's with me.
The only time we're ever not spending time together when we're under the same roof is if we've had a fight (which doesn't happen all that often). Other than that, we don't ever really spend alone time or take a break from each other. I can't sleep without him and I always have to make sure we go to bed at the same time and we're holding each other as we sleep.
Dave has never expressed discomfort with spending all his time with me, and he's never complained or told me he needed a break from me unless we had a serious argument. I guess maybe when we go to work, that's enough time away from each other and maybe he doesn't need more alone time than that?
My fear is that he's secretly uncomfortable with or annoyed by me constantly needing to be with him, but for some reason he's too afraid to tell me
Like maybe he thinks I'll have a meltdown if he tells me we're spending too much time together or something.
Sometimes I ask him "Do you think I'm too clingy?" and he always says "Not at all, I love spending time with you." I'm really scared that he's just saying that because he doesn't want me to flip out or cry.
The reason I worry about this is because when I was younger, before I met Dave, I was in a relationship with a guy that I was really in love with and he broke up with me because I was "too clingy" and "didn't let him breathe" and he thought I was "controlling" and "isolated him from his friends and family." After he broke up with me he made a lot of serious abuse accusations against me. I'm really scared that Dave secretly thinks I'm abusive and controlling and he just doesn't want to tell me because he doesn't want to set me off I've asked him directly, several times, if he thinks I'm abusive, and he always says "No way, you're the sweetest thing ever."
My biggest fear in this situation is that he's afraid to tell me the truth because he thinks I'll hit him or something. I remember one time when we first started dating and the first time I had a meltdown in front of him, he got really scared and asked if I'd ever hit any of my exes. When I explained to him that I've never gotten into a physical domestic dispute and I've never hit any of my former partners, he seemed reassured and he never asked me about it again. I'm worried that it's still somewhere in the back of his mind though.
I would never, ever, ever put my hands on him like that. I would never hit him or hurt him. I know better than that and I'm just not that kind of person. My abuser beat the crap out of me and I would never wish that on another person, especially not someone I love. In fact, if anyone ever hurt Dave I would make sure they rotted in jail.
Another cause for concern is the amount that I talk about Dave with other people. I have to really restrain myself so I'm not talking about him constantly all the time. When I'm talking on the phone with my friends or family, or when I'm talking to my coworkers at my job, or when I'm in therapy, about 75% of the conversation is about Dave. I just find him really amazing and fascinating and because we spend all our time together, I always have stories to tell people about him.
Most people get really frustrated by this and are like "I'm really sick of hearing about Dave. Can we talk about something or someone else?"
Most of the time I don't even realize how much I'm talking about him, I just kind of get verbal diarrhea and I can't stop. Sometimes people tell me I sound like a crazy obsessive fan or a stalker.
Okay, this is where it gets weird. Some people might get triggered by this so you might want to stop reading at this point.
Something people really find weird about me and really don't understand is my level of fascination with him. People are always like "He's just your partner. Why are you so obsessed?"
This obsessive fascination started way in the beginning, before we were even dating. I always have to listen to everything he has to say and I always let him dominate the conversation because I find everything he says so interesting. Sometimes I analyze everything he says and does in a lot of detail. I save all my text messages and voicemails and emails from him and I have a whole folder of pictures of him (and of the two of us together) on my computer. I take a lot of pictures and videos of him (mostly of both of us together, but some of just him). I have a picture of him as the wallpaper on my phone and my computer. That may not be quite as weird, because he has pictures of me as the wallpaper on his phone and his computer too. I think that's just something couples do. Maybe.
A random person could do something very boring and mundane and I wouldn't care, but then Dave could do the same exact thing and I would be all like "Omg, how cute!!!" because Dave did it.
I think he's the most gorgeous, beautiful, handsome, perfect guy in the world and if someone lined up all the hottest men in the world in front of me I would pick Dave every time.
I would do literally absolutely anything for him, even if it costed me something or even if it was detrimental to me. Like if he needed a new kidney I would give him my kidney. Or if our house was on fire and he was trapped in the house I would run back into the fire to save him. Or if he wanted a Rolex for Christmas I would spend all my money and get him a Rolex. When it comes to our relationship I'm willing to sacrifice pretty much anything for him. I know that's kind of bad because sometimes it gets in the way of me caring about myself. I always put him first no matter what.
I probably made myself sound like a complete crazy person :/
I'm starting to think maybe I should call off my wedding because it might be feeding into an unhealthy obsession and I don't want to ruin Dave's life by making sure he's stuck with me forever when he might be better off with someone more normal.
I'm starting to think I may have an unhealthy level of obsessive interest in my soon-to-be-husband and I'm starting to think I may have attachment issues.
Everyone has always told me that in healthy relationships, couples should spend an equal amount of time apart as they spend together. The only time I'm not spending time with Dave is when I'm at work or in classes. When I'm at home I have to be with him every minute and I can't bear to be away from him. Even if I do something like grocery shopping or clothes shopping, he has to come with me. When I do laundry or cook dinner or walk my dogs, I want to make sure he's with me.
The only time we're ever not spending time together when we're under the same roof is if we've had a fight (which doesn't happen all that often). Other than that, we don't ever really spend alone time or take a break from each other. I can't sleep without him and I always have to make sure we go to bed at the same time and we're holding each other as we sleep.
Dave has never expressed discomfort with spending all his time with me, and he's never complained or told me he needed a break from me unless we had a serious argument. I guess maybe when we go to work, that's enough time away from each other and maybe he doesn't need more alone time than that?
My fear is that he's secretly uncomfortable with or annoyed by me constantly needing to be with him, but for some reason he's too afraid to tell me
Like maybe he thinks I'll have a meltdown if he tells me we're spending too much time together or something.Sometimes I ask him "Do you think I'm too clingy?" and he always says "Not at all, I love spending time with you." I'm really scared that he's just saying that because he doesn't want me to flip out or cry.
The reason I worry about this is because when I was younger, before I met Dave, I was in a relationship with a guy that I was really in love with and he broke up with me because I was "too clingy" and "didn't let him breathe" and he thought I was "controlling" and "isolated him from his friends and family." After he broke up with me he made a lot of serious abuse accusations against me. I'm really scared that Dave secretly thinks I'm abusive and controlling and he just doesn't want to tell me because he doesn't want to set me off
I've asked him directly, several times, if he thinks I'm abusive, and he always says "No way, you're the sweetest thing ever."My biggest fear in this situation is that he's afraid to tell me the truth because he thinks I'll hit him or something.
I remember one time when we first started dating and the first time I had a meltdown in front of him, he got really scared and asked if I'd ever hit any of my exes. When I explained to him that I've never gotten into a physical domestic dispute and I've never hit any of my former partners, he seemed reassured and he never asked me about it again. I'm worried that it's still somewhere in the back of his mind though.I would never, ever, ever put my hands on him like that. I would never hit him or hurt him. I know better than that and I'm just not that kind of person. My abuser beat the crap out of me and I would never wish that on another person, especially not someone I love. In fact, if anyone ever hurt Dave I would make sure they rotted in jail.
Another cause for concern is the amount that I talk about Dave with other people. I have to really restrain myself so I'm not talking about him constantly all the time. When I'm talking on the phone with my friends or family, or when I'm talking to my coworkers at my job, or when I'm in therapy, about 75% of the conversation is about Dave. I just find him really amazing and fascinating and because we spend all our time together, I always have stories to tell people about him.
Most people get really frustrated by this and are like "I'm really sick of hearing about Dave. Can we talk about something or someone else?"
Most of the time I don't even realize how much I'm talking about him, I just kind of get verbal diarrhea and I can't stop. Sometimes people tell me I sound like a crazy obsessive fan or a stalker.
Okay, this is where it gets weird. Some people might get triggered by this so you might want to stop reading at this point.
Something people really find weird about me and really don't understand is my level of fascination with him. People are always like "He's just your partner. Why are you so obsessed?"
This obsessive fascination started way in the beginning, before we were even dating. I always have to listen to everything he has to say and I always let him dominate the conversation because I find everything he says so interesting. Sometimes I analyze everything he says and does in a lot of detail. I save all my text messages and voicemails and emails from him and I have a whole folder of pictures of him (and of the two of us together) on my computer. I take a lot of pictures and videos of him (mostly of both of us together, but some of just him). I have a picture of him as the wallpaper on my phone and my computer. That may not be quite as weird, because he has pictures of me as the wallpaper on his phone and his computer too. I think that's just something couples do. Maybe.
A random person could do something very boring and mundane and I wouldn't care, but then Dave could do the same exact thing and I would be all like "Omg, how cute!!!" because Dave did it.
I think he's the most gorgeous, beautiful, handsome, perfect guy in the world and if someone lined up all the hottest men in the world in front of me I would pick Dave every time.
I would do literally absolutely anything for him, even if it costed me something or even if it was detrimental to me. Like if he needed a new kidney I would give him my kidney. Or if our house was on fire and he was trapped in the house I would run back into the fire to save him. Or if he wanted a Rolex for Christmas I would spend all my money and get him a Rolex. When it comes to our relationship I'm willing to sacrifice pretty much anything for him. I know that's kind of bad because sometimes it gets in the way of me caring about myself. I always put him first no matter what.
I probably made myself sound like a complete crazy person :/
I'm starting to think maybe I should call off my wedding because it might be feeding into an unhealthy obsession and I don't want to ruin Dave's life by making sure he's stuck with me forever when he might be better off with someone more normal.
