is feeling like this normal or not?

[whoisthisdude]

hello to anyone who will read this…i just recently found this place and thought i might be able to write what i need to write. i always thought my parents would understand the way i feel, but once i told them how i truly do feel they seem to try and make excuses as to why i feel like this or just ignore it or say it’s just hormones as i am a teenager. i mean, i never always felt like this, i’d say i started feeling like this two years ago. i began having these emotions of emptiness, loneliness and feeling as if i’m in a void. slowly but surely it gradually got worser as i turned older. it kind of feels like being trapped out of a door that won’t seem to open for you, and it’s frustrating. among this masquerade of emotions, i would also have these highs you could say? at times i’d feel so levitated, it literally feels like i’m in the sky when i’m in that state and i feel super invincible, so one time it was dumb of me i don’t even really remember what happened but once i snapped out of it i saw my mirror cracked and looked at my hands with blood. apparently my mum came in and got scared because i was also laughing strangely? but after i snapped out of that state, i began crying and the feelings of emptiness and hopelessness came back and i just sat there in my room listening to music. sometimes i’d lock myself in my room and not eat and just sleep or lay on the floor listening to music waiting for the day to go by. at times like those, i really hoped for my high mood to come back but sadly i cannot control it. when i’m in my down mood as well, i tend to get very mad or agitated at everyone and everything, and get dramatic over simple things i have to do such as chores or mishaps and cry over it. most of the time, i just feel alone and empty in that state of mind. but as when i’m in my high state, i act as if i had too much sugar like a little kid, i think i can do anything, i talk far too much and too fast and think of or end up doing dangerous stuff i shouldn’t do. one time i tried to jump out of a car and i scared my mum too much and i didn’t even realise what i was doing. i felt like someone else when i’m in this mood. my sleep patterns are also very wonky, i usually stay up when i’m very sad or very energetic. but i sleep a lot more when i’m in my down mood. i barely get much sleep when i’m in my boosted mood. its not as if i asked to feel like this because its honestly so annoying. i just want to feel okay. i hope to get answers but if anyone ever does end up reading this i’m so sorry this is far too much writing to read haha but yeah, thats kind of a summary of everything but i just desperately want to know if this is normal or if this is not. like is this a warning of a mental illness or something? because my mum says when shes scared i’m struggling with “mental illness” but i’m not sure what. if anyone has an idea that would help me feel not so lost, thank you =].

 

[MATD]

Time to see a doctor, preferably a psychiatrist. Your behavior/emotions are not normal since you think about doing things that could cause you harm. Have you talked to your mom in depth about this issue?

 

[whoisthisdude]

Time to see a doctor, preferably a psychiatrist. Your behavior/emotions are not normal since you think about doing things that could cause you harm. Have you talked to your mom in depth about this issue?

i mean sort of yeah, she morally knows whats going on with me, but i’m going to see a doctor tomorrow since i got referred to them as i have a counsellor..i don’t remember if i told even my counsellor about these incidents but yeah i think the doctor may be a psychiatrist as they are from a health service and my mum got a paper from the hospital telling her i have an appointment tomorrow.

 

[Jonathan123]

I endorse what MATD has said. You do need professional help. But get it as soon as you can. Let us know how your appointment went. It is far from unusual for relatives not to understand when we are in an anxious state. Don't blame them. Unless you have been there yourself it is almost impossible to relate. Many act out of misplaced kindness when all they do is make matters worse.

 

[whoisthisdude]

I endorse what MATD has said. You do need professional help. But get it as soon as you can. Let us know how your appointment went. It is far from unusual for relatives not to understand when we are in an anxious state. Don't blame them. Unless you have been there yourself it is almost impossible to relate. Many act out of misplaced kindness when all they do is make matters worse.

Yes certainly =), i’ll let you know how my appointment goes.

 

[PieFan]

Yes certainly =), i’ll let you know how my appointment goes.

How are you doing @whoisthisdude ?

 

[whoisthisdude]

How are you doing @whoisthisdude ?

oh wow it has been quite a while, i’m sorry i just saw this message! hello, yes i’m doing alright, better than when i posted this forum but i still have the ups and downs. the appointment went good. they are going to prescribe me with some meds (antidepressants) but are setting things up for me as i am moving this year so pretty sure they’re just setting something up with the hospital i’m relocating to. i’ve been able to manage recently. been doing a lot of reflecting and self-questioning. things have been going much better i just think its quieted down for a bit.

 

[PieFan]

Glad you're doing better @whoisthisdude That's what I find, symptoms come and go, and I avoid my triggers as much as I can (lack of sleep, stress, caffeine, alcohol, not enough down time or exercise, the news) I use sertraline anti-depressant some years now, taper the dose up at the start and then down to come off it. Good luck with your move.

 

[MATD]

Glad to hear back from you, thanks to PieFan for reaching out to you. Good to hear that you are doing better. If you need to vent or talk, we’re here for you.

 

[bigjetplane23]

Hi! How are you doing?

 

[whoisthisdude]

hey everyone! thank you PieFan, MATD and bigjetplane23 for replying and checking up on me…i’m so sorry i haven’t replied earlier enough i have been super busy doing this and that but now i’m able to respond. to be honest, as of late since my last response my symptoms you could say or those emotions i first talked about have kind of come back..i do find that they always come and go whenever they want. i have been feeling very exhausted mentally and physically it feels as if i haven’t slept at all and i’m just…here. i just feel sick and all i wanna do nowadays is just sit around or sleep although i still have numerous things to do and get sorted, i don’t even really have the energy to cry at the moment. i don’t know why i’m like this right now but i am definitely far from feeling OK..but anyhow i hope i get more energy or just feeling not nauseous in both ways and i also hope you all are doing alright. although i have problems and issues myself, i’ll always be glad to listen if anyone needs to talk or vent too ><. thank you

 

[MATD]

You do sound better in your post, expressing your thoughts better. That’s a good thing! Anxiety and depression plays havoc on the mind and body, up one day, down the next is typical. You are tired because of the mental strain. Typical too. Practicing acceptance can and will help if you are willing to give it a try. It’s about learning to not react to all the thoughts and feelings. It’s our reaction that keeps the cycle going. Good to hear back from you!

 

[whoisthisdude]

You do sound better in your post, expressing your thoughts better. That’s a good thing! Anxiety and depression plays havoc on the mind and body, up one day, down the next is typical. You are tired because of the mental strain. Typical too. Practicing acceptance can and will help if you are willing to give it a try. It’s about learning to not react to all the thoughts and feelings. It’s our reaction that keeps the cycle going. Good to hear back from you!

hey, yes i shall try accepting what i am going through! thank you for the message

 

[whoisthisdude]

hello to anyone who is there…i’ve had a bit of a hiccup. the other day i wasn’t feeling so good so i kind of took too much pain relief pills. not too much in my opinion it was only 10. but anyhow my sister was freaked so she told the school counsellor and she rang up the hospital and my mother told me i had to go to the ed. it was horrible because i hate the hospital and the whole time i felt extremely tired and woozy. i didn’t think i felt like this again i thought this feeling had left but it didn’t. i thought the change of scenery would help me and it did at first, but now these emotions that make my heart ache crept back again. i’m sad because i don’t know why i feel like this and i want an answer but apparently its only because i’m “tired” or “grieving over lost ones” or “under pressure” but those answers didn’t give me closure ahahah. hope everyone else is ok.

 

[MATD]

Closure is not immediate, just like grief, it takes time to work your way through it. Hiccups are spasms of the diaphragm, and they can be painful at times. Taking pain pills for hiccups won’t make the hiccups go away, they will go away on their own without intervention. Ten pain pills are too many regardless of what your personal opinion is. I can understand your sister and mothers reaction. Sometimes we don’t make good decisions and this is a good example of that. Anxiety can and will dull our ability to make good decisions so I suggest that in the future you ask for help instead of self medicating.

 

[PieFan]

I think 'bit of a hiccup' is euphemism for a problem @MATD ?

Are you still seeing a counsellor @whoisthisdude ? You need to talk to he or she about this.

What are the pain pills, for paracetamol/acetaminophen the therapeutic dose is extremely close to the dangerous/fatal dose and you will damage your liver so don't ever take more than the prescribed or recommended dose. Are the pain pills over the counter or prescribed, legal or illegal? Regardless, 10 is an overdose, have you taken that many before since you think it is safe?

Concerned about you, sending you a huge hug and please talk to your counsellor or mother about it if you haven't already.

 

[MATD]

PieFan graciously pointed our my error in understanding your post. I’m sorry for that. So back to your issue of taking so many pain pills. What was your intention? There are times we all get down pretty low but I can assure you that things only seem to be bad, that we’ve literally created our own problems in the way we think. It’s pretty common and I’ve been there myself too many times to count. Sometimes we are our own worst enemy because we can’t figure out what is really going on with ourselves. I agree with PieFan, you need to talk to someone and get this load off your shoulders and out in the open.

 

[Health anxiety suxs]

Sure sounds like Bipolar Disorder. Did your psychiatrist give you a diagnosis when you saw them?

 

[whoisthisdude]

I think 'bit of a hiccup' is euphemism for a problem @MATD ?

Are you still seeing a counsellor @whoisthisdude ? You need to talk to he or she about this.

What are the pain pills, for paracetamol/acetaminophen the therapeutic dose is extremely close to the dangerous/fatal dose and you will damage your liver so don't ever take more than the prescribed or recommended dose. Are the pain pills over the counter or prescribed, legal or illegal? Regardless, 10 is an overdose, have you taken that many before since you think it is safe?

Concerned about you, sending you a huge hug and please talk to your counsellor or mother about it if you haven't already.

haha yes sorry that was my bad i didn’t mean “a bit of a hiccup” as literal hiccups! but anyhow i’m so sorry i haven’t responded yet just now i had a big episode about some small mishap and at the moment am crying in the car about how dramatic and sensitive i am. but thank you truly to you all for still replying to my messages. it makes me feel just a bit better knowing that i’m being heard the way i want to be. i think i’m going to be referred to another counsellor here soon but i think i also have to see my school one now too. i have an an appointment scheduled with her in the morning before i head off to my first class. i don’t know why but i feel a bit awkward and don’t like how the school knows what i did and how i feel…i kind of wanted to pretend like i’m someone else at school not this depressed dramatic that thinks everything's about her haha. but yeah..before i was discharged at the hospital i had to see this crisis team and i wasn’t allowed back to school until today because they had to make a safety plan and there was a protocol or “procedure” i had to go through, so i just sat at home last friday and yesterday waiting. i’m back at school now but i didn’t like how i had to have a small meeting rewinding back to what i did on thursday to people who represent the school ahah. hope all is well though

PieFan graciously pointed our my error in understanding your post. I’m sorry for that. So back to your issue of taking so many pain pills. What was your intention? There are times we all get down pretty low but I can assure you that things only seem to be bad, that we’ve literally created our own problems in the way we think. It’s pretty common and I’ve been there myself too many times to count. Sometimes we are our own worst enemy because we can’t figure out what is really going on with ourselves. I agree with PieFan, you need to talk to someone and get this load off your shoulders and out in the open.

ahh yes well i got up in the morning and i felt pain somewhere, i’m not sure if it was physically or mentally but i felt really sore and i suddenly took all those paracetamol. i think..my intention was to just not feel any pain anymore, i didn’t want to hurt anymore and i thought that since they’re pain relief pills maybe they could make the pain go away, so i took the recommended dosage at first. i waited about 15-20 minutes and i still felt just as sore, so i took another 2. then as about 10 minutes flew by, i was feeling just as sore as i was feeling before i took any. so i figured maybe i just need to take some more, so even though i was sore i quickly got ready for school because my mother said i won’t stay home today i have to go. so once we got in the car i remembered that i had some more tablets in my bag and there was still about less than half of them still in there. so i took the remaining 5 pills and tried sallowing them without anything because i began hurting too much i just wanted something or anything to take the pain away. my sister saw what i was doing and began calling me stupid and ripped them off me saying that i was trying to get out of going to school. once we got to school, i was already crying but i still felt sore and thought “why aren’t they working? these pills are liars.” and my mother saw me and told my sister to get out and she would take me back home. from now on when i do something “psycho” my sister threatens me and says she will tell the school about what i’ve been doing and how i’ve been behaving. i don’t want to feel like this either but for some reason i can’t control it. maybe it was my heart that was sore or my idiotic brain.

Sure sounds like Bipolar Disorder. Did your psychiatrist give you a diagnosis when you saw them?

yes they said i may have “anxiety and depression” but there are so many symptoms and feelings i have that don’t go under these, i do feel super anxious and stressed in a public setting, i just feel out of place. my old counsellor thought that i may have this bipolar disorder or emotional dysregulation or borderline personality disorder i think it was called? hahah but yeah i was confused when the psychiatrist said i supposedly had depression because she gave me papers about depression and it missed to mention about high moods every now and then and plenty of other things i go through on a daily basis.

 

[PieFan]

Sorry you are feeling so out of sorts @whoisthisdude

Talk to the counselor today if you can, and your mother, tell them know you are having mood swings. Don't worry too much about the label, 'mental illness', just develop a routine of self care, exercise, good nutrition, no caffeine, and talking to the counselor or psychiatrist. If you have bipolar the medication will be different than for depression/anxiety but only a doctor can diagnose that after talking to you and building an overall picture. If sugar makes you feel bad (it's not the best thing to put in our body) then don't eat it.

Don't ever take pain pills like that, you'll harm your liver. Don't carry pills with you at all until you feel better emotionally.

Sending you love and keeping you in my prayers. You will learn to manage all this, give it time and let people around you help.