Invited to meet friends friend

[An.l]

Hey,

so my friend met someone this year (or it might have been the end of last year, not sure). Their now in a relationship. I havn't met her boyfriend yet. She also didnt ask me to, which to be honest i dont mind. I never told her about my social anxiety. I've only officially been diagnosed this year.

we have just been texting about going to the gym thogether, i asked her If sunday is ok. She agreed but asked if her boyfriends sister can come with us, so i can meet her.

Not going in to detail, but the past year till now hasnt been easy for me due to social anxiety and talking about my self, as in getting to know someone, i feel like hast never been more difficult for me. Altough my friend doesnt know about my SA we've known each other for about 9 years (sience we were like 12) and she at the very least knows im very shy. In the past everytime i was "forced" to meet her other friends or even relatives its been extremly unfomfortable for me. I was always kinda trown in to the group no introduction or support from her, or like on her 18. birthday party she kind of left me there on my own for most of the evening. All of that is fine, shes not my mum or whatever and doest HAVE TO take care of me or help me out in these situations, but It makes me so anxious about sunday. I know i cant rely on her to help me out when it gets awkward and some of the stuff that currently just isnt going right in my life could very easily come up during small talk, which im not ready for.

If i wasnt the one who set the date, i would have just cancelled. I dont know what to do, should i go but then feel like **** after and be scared about having to meet her again?Or emberrass my friend by being really weird?

i know i should be grateful that she wants me to meet her, but i honetly wished she would just introduce me to her boyfriend so i got it over with..

sorry if i shound weird or whiny but i needed to get that out somewhere

 

[Cuchculan]

You could be honest with your friend about the fact that you are not very good with other people. You simply find it awkward. Add in ' as you already know '. Because she should be aware of it. The only thing she has no idea about is how deep your fears are. She might know you are shy. But not to the extent they really are. Would be any easier if you made the gym sessions a bit shorter? Tell your friend something has come up. That you can only go for a shorter period of time this weekend. Thus you can see how things are going. If they are going really bad, you say announce it is time to leave. At times these things can turn out to be not as bad as we first imagine. Loads of times I feared going places, only to get there and find out I was doing better than expected. So cover your bases as a sort of a fall back. Something has come up and you have to be there at a certain time. Plus you don't have to interact with this new person. Say hello. Then get cracking with what you do at the gym. You never know with new people. She could be just as shy as you are. Sitting in her home dreading meeting a stranger too. Going through exactly what you are going through. One to play by ear. The build up might be worst than the meet up. Thinking about it in advance. But don't be afraid to let your friend know how you are with people you don't know.

 

[Jonathan123]

Welcome. Yes indeed! 'She might be as shy as you are' is so true. YOU may look normal to everyone else, but you are cringing inside. Other's may well be doing the same. A confident looking person may be trying to project that image but is as frightened as you. When I was young I too suffered in this way. It took me a long time to realize it just does not matter. You have nothing to prove to anyone. Shyness is so often a lack of confidence plus a lack of self worth. YOU are as good as the next person, and YOU are unique. We so often look at others and think 'I wish I was like them'. Don't do that! You will never know what is going on in another's mind. Outward appearances can be very deceptive. The answer to social anxiety is to do it, go out and do it as much as possible however hard it is. You will never get any real relief sitting around wondering 'should I shouldn't I'? This takes courage and a lot of will, but it can be done. I do agree with Cuchculan. take it easy at first. Short visits then work up to longer ones.
Wishing you well.

 

[Elliemae21]

Hey,

so my friend met someone this year (or it might have been the end of last year, not sure). Their now in a relationship. I havn't met her boyfriend yet. She also didnt ask me to, which to be honest i dont mind. I never told her about my social anxiety. I've only officially been diagnosed this year.

we have just been texting about going to the gym thogether, i asked her If sunday is ok. She agreed but asked if her boyfriends sister can come with us, so i can meet her.

Not going in to detail, but the past year till now hasnt been easy for me due to social anxiety and talking about my self, as in getting to know someone, i feel like hast never been more difficult for me. Altough my friend doesnt know about my SA we've known each other for about 9 years (sience we were like 12) and she at the very least knows im very shy. In the past everytime i was "forced" to meet her other friends or even relatives its been extremly unfomfortable for me. I was always kinda trown in to the group no introduction or support from her, or like on her 18. birthday party she kind of left me there on my own for most of the evening. All of that is fine, shes not my mum or whatever and doest HAVE TO take care of me or help me out in these situations, but It makes me so anxious about sunday. I know i cant rely on her to help me out when it gets awkward and some of the stuff that currently just isnt going right in my life could very easily come up during small talk, which im not ready for.

If i wasnt the one who set the date, i would have just cancelled. I dont know what to do, should i go but then feel like **** after and be scared about having to meet her again?Or emberrass my friend by being really weird?

i know i should be grateful that she wants me to meet her, but i honetly wished she would just introduce me to her boyfriend so i got it over with..

sorry if i shound weird or whiny but i needed to get that out somewhere

okau