I'm trying something

[Concernedgal]

It is tough. My hours are from 4:30 to 2:00 in the afternoon. If it was night shift...I would have been long gone. Believe me.

 

[Concernedgal]

Diary entry 12:
Today was freaking awful. I woke up feeling a little weird and the feeling continued all day. I coasted through the day and managed fairly well until about 15 minutes before my work day was over. I went into the back of the restaurant because the boss asked me to do something for her before I left...all of a sudden my knees got weak and every step felt like a struggle. It got a little difficult to breathe and my eyesight was altered..kinda blurry..but, I could still see...weird. ...anyways...it lasted about 3 or so minutes (not sure how long) but, anyways ..all day long ...I knew it was coming . I hated today and then I got home...and felt a little better.. I ate ,took a bath and now. ..i'm in bed writing this. I was temped to take my hydroxyzine today but...like always... I was afraid of the side effects and I chickened out. I just want to go to bed and get this day over with. I can't live like this. It's not fair. But, ssri hate me.. so I don't have many options. I feel so hopeless.

 

[janemariesayed]

It is tough. My hours are from 4:30 to 2:00 in the afternoon. If it was night shift...I would have been long gone. Believe me.

Is there not a later shift that you can swop with? Sorry but I am just a bit concerned about those hours affecting your heart condition.

 

[Concernedgal]

Although the hours are uncomfortable. ..I don' think that' what it is. I made an emergency appointment with my counselor tomorrow at 9am. I need to be reevaluated because something is up. Some in my brain has gone wacko again. I was doing OK for a while managing very well but,after that burst of energy and happiness I had for a week... I am in a state of fear and I cannot handle stress worth a f#ck. They need to figure me out. If i'm not bipolar then .. what it's it? Give me a diagnosis and do it now because I am sick of this sh#t. No more! I want to be normal and happy. We all here deserve this.. we all do. I will never understand any of this. Sure I know the scientific reason on but, that doesn't make it any less confusing. I have to have resolution. I am fed the fu#k up. One of these days i'my going to have a panic attack pass out ,hit my head and die. My gut tells me that this anxiety will kill me .. sure feels that way anyway. Please offer some advice. I am desperate.

 

[Concernedgal]

Diary entry 13:
Today was the worst day ever. I could not below awful it was. I went to work feeling normal enough and some of my day end up just fine. Then all I had to do was get in the car to go home. Suddenly my knees felt week...again...and my eye sight was altered...again.. and then it started to become difficult to breathe. The feeling continued for quite sometime and finally it decided to die down. It isn't gone but, it died down. Tomorrow will determine what is going on (I hope) and we need to get to the bottom of it. For now goodnight. For tomorrow. ...answers.

 

[Concernedgal]

Diary entry 14:
Today was my day off. I went to see the councilor today and it was like it was before. The pre interview and all that stuff. Anxiety wise ...it was uneventful. Goodnight

 

[janemariesayed]

For the life of me I don't know why you have taken a backward turn @Concernedgal Have you, or did you drink a lot? Get drunk? Eat something you don't normally eat? What is it that has triggered this off? This is why I think that it could be that you are bipolar like you said you were before.

You know this will pass so give it time. You will NOT pass out and hit your head and die. Your anxiety will NOT kill you. Okay? Believe me, you are going to be fine. And sorry but I beg to differ with your work hours. Sleeping odd hours and irregular sleep times can make you stressed, ill, irritable, anxious can cause car crashes, accidents and more. And that is for people who don't suffer any mental health issue. So imagine how it is for those of us who do? You need to sleep at the same time every day and wake up at the same time every day. Moreso because of your mental health issue as well as your heart. You will be fed up with it, with all this suffering, but that is understandable.

I'm sending you loving hugs and loads of love Michelle. I'm out this afternoon with my Mumsie but I will check back on here to see how you are today. So I hope you come on and talk and let me know how you are. What a good idea this 'I'm trying something' thread is!

My sister, I care about you. You lift me up and it makes me sad that you are going through such a rough time. Give it time and I hope you will soon be on an upper again. How long do your lows usually last for?

 

[Concernedgal]

I think i'm starting to understand the sudden severe anxiety. ... I noticed today that my breast are getting good sore so.... I think i'm about to have my monthly. Lol. Hormones just might be responsible for it this time. Who knows what triggers anxiety with me anymore. I love you 2 jane . Talk to you tomorrow. Time for bed .goodnight.