I'm trying something

[Concernedgal]

I decided to start a daily diary and wanted to share it with all my friends here. So every night before I go to bed. I'm going to come on here and express my joy and my sorrow. In doing so. ...maybe you guys to show my another point of view or offer some advice...you know...a diary that will respond to you. Lol. Anyways...see you guys tonight at bedtime. Love you guys

 

[Concernedgal]

Diary entry 1:
Today started a little slow ,I had a hard time getting going this morning. But, I ended up with alot of energy. Thinking about my upcoming doctors appointment in march..I was told that they were going start having psychologist ,kinda excited about that. Anyways ..pretty much an uneventful day..avoided anxiety and panic today. I've had a hyper feeling for the last week and I just know that in about another week... it will be over and I will have to feel the pain again,the deep unexplainable pain. The type of pan that makes me want to sleep alot. Anyways... today was great but,tommarow isn't promised . It could all end. I just want to be happy again.

 

[janemariesayed]

Diary entry 1:
Today started a little slow ,I had a hard time getting going this morning. But, I ended up with alot of energy. Thinking about my upcoming doctors appointment in march..I was told that they were going start having psychologist ,kinda excited about that. Anyways ..pretty much an uneventful day..avoided anxiety and panic today. I've had a hyper feeling for the last week and I just know that in about another week... it will be over and I will have to feel the pain again,the deep unexplainable pain. The type of pan that makes me want to sleep alot. Anyways... today was great but,tommarow isn't promised . It could all end. I just want to be happy again.

This is a great idea. I hope it helps you to understand yourself better. Try not to think about when your mood will lower. Copy Bambam and live in the present. Next week, if you are feeling horrible, you know I am here for you.

 

[Concernedgal]

Diary entry 2:
I fear my good hyper feeling is fading. I had a little less energy today however maybe i'my overthinking things because this is was my 6th straight day working...anybody would be tired. At work today it was very busy and stressful. .maybe that's' why i'm tired again...stress seems to make me sleepy..weird...anyways I got home around 2:30 and fell asleep as I was relaxing but, it only made things wor t because it kept me kinda groggy the rest of the day. My anxiety is slowly coming back and although it's mild right now things will change for the worst soon. I experienced slight nervousness and anger today. When I have anxiety it is hard to explain..your just not yourself and you just don't feel right. I woke up tired. And I stayed tired most of the day and although it wasn' as bad as it could have been....it' going to get worst. To sum things up...wasn't that bad of a day ..it could have been worst and soon ....it will.

 

[janemariesayed]

Diary entry 2:
I fear my good hyper feeling is fading. I had a little less energy today however maybe i'my overthinking things because this is was my 6th straight day working...anybody would be tired. At work today it was very busy and stressful. .maybe that's' why i'm tired again...stress seems to make me sleepy..weird...anyways I got home around 2:30 and fell asleep as I was relaxing but, it only made things wor t because it kept me kinda groggy the rest of the day. My anxiety is slowly coming back and although it's mild right now things will change for the worst soon. I experienced slight nervousness and anger today. When I have anxiety it is hard to explain..your just not yourself and you just don't feel right. I woke up tired. And I stayed tired most of the day and although it wasn' as bad as it could have been....it' going to get worst. To sum things up...wasn't that bad of a day ..it could have been worst and soon ....it will.

Try not to tell yourself it is going to get worse. I know that you are going by experience but don't have it in your mind because that can bring it on. Look at Bambam, copy him and live in the present.

 

[Concernedgal]

Diary entry 3:
Today was a lazy day. I sat around for most of the day ,watched television . I finally got up and started to clean . Not much of a day today...no anxiety and no panic. I just thought today that although things are uneventful today..I can' t help but be afraid of the future, today...uneventful tomorrow. ..oh lord tomorrow. I will be sad and inconsolable or mad and unable to calm me. Well...we shall see.

 

[Concernedgal]

Diary entry 4:
Today was another good day. I had energy and I felt happy. When I got into a car today to go somewhere though.. I felt nervous although it was only a 5 min ride so I just dealt with it . Not really much to say about today. Eventless and calm. I charish days like this. Going to bed and hoping this trend continues tomarrow. One day at a time I guess. Live one day at a time.

 

[Concernedgal]

Diary entry 5:
Today started out normal enough and most was uneventful. But, about 3:45..4:00.... I started to feel odd and nervous. I thought it was because I hadn't' eaten much today but, then when my husband got home with Chinese food. ..I ate ..but, symptoms didn't subside. So I got up and washed dishes trying to get my mind off my symptoms. So still I experience an odd feeling and also like my knees and legs are like jello. Still grateful that it's not as bad as it can be. But, I just know that this is the tip of the iceberg. We shall see tomorrow. Maybe a good night's sleep is just what I need to shake this.

 

[Concernedgal]

Diary entry 6:
Today was a mix of happiness and anxiety. Kinda weird. I woke up this morning at 6 am . I had been off for 3 days previous. Yesterday I had a weird sensation of feeling like my legs were like jello and today...the same but, not as bad. For that fact alone. ..I didn't make it the end of the world that I felt like that. As the day progressed... I felt better and better which got me thinking....maybe I need to work and keep busy to keep this anxiety at bay.if i'm busy ...I don't think about my anxiety . I remember when I first started working at this place how nervous and overwhelmed I felt but, I kept at it and eventually... my anxiety got better and better. An early shift tomorrow so off to bed I go. Maybe tomorrow will be anxiety free.

 

[Concernedgal]

Diary entry 7:
Today was tough. We had quite a few people call into work . Usually I can handle this but, for some reason today.. I just couldn't. The real.trouble started at about 8 this morning. I was beginning to feel disoriented and detached however. .it had gotten so busy again that it kinda temporarily snapped me out of it. I hadn'the eaten much today so I just assumed if I ate something and rose my blood sugar. .then everything would get better and for about an hour...it was. No only that ..I have noticed that I get a sort of weird tingling sensation in my pinky? ? And all day long...I felt like I have had a lump in my throat and a little bit like I was choking. This isnt' kool. So not only that.. on the way home ....this was the big one...I was in the truck when all of a sudden (bam) !! Here comes the panic attack...the funny thing is though that I had a small feeling of pressure behind breastbone on my right side. This panic attack consisted of (shortness of breathe, temporary loss of my eye sight a second or so..not long,when that was over...I had sudden sensitivity to light .) This sucked so hard...something has got to be done about this . I hate my life sometimes. I was doing so well ..so why is this happening yet again. Like just now...I had a heart palpitations because it felt as if someone has come in and scared me . Now my heart rate is up...here we go again got another one coming. Time to control this.

 

[Concernedgal]

Diary entry 8:
Today was stupid hard and super stressful. I woke up this morning and everything seemed OK but,as the the progressed....I seemed to not be able to handle the stress today like I sometimes can. I have one job title yet....today because of how busy it was ...I found myself doing 2-3 jobs and on top of that.. my blood sugar got low today and they wouldn'tlet me eat. So I took my food,sat down and I ate despite there wishes...I mean...isn' t it against the law or something? Doesn't that infringe on our rights somehow?...I thought it did. I got home expecting to rest some but, bambam had other plans.. I took him outside and tied him to his pole so he could go...I come back about 10 minutes later and he has severely injured his bum which is easy to do because he has cancer so we stopped the bleeding for a while..let him out...and it started again. .but, it took longer to get under control . He' doing OK now but,this took about 3 hours to handle . We put a good bandage on him and it seems to be working. I'm dealing with alot of stress right now and it' really getting to be. I'm so freaking tired lately and all I want to do is sleep. If I could sleep for at least 10 hrs..that would suit me just fine. I noticed something today...a movie came on TV and at the end was a happy ending and it was ridiculous how teary eyed u got and this happens a ot to me. I think I got a ot inside of me and I have a hard time letting it out. Happiness. ... I feel it sometime' but, them again sometime I wonder if it' true happiness or if i'm just going through the motions. I just don' know. I'mean confused and I just don' t know how to be normal anymore. Off to bed. Tomorrow is another day. Maybe things will get better soon.

 

[janemariesayed]

Diary entry 6:
Today was a mix of happiness and anxiety. Kinda weird. I woke up this morning at 6 am . I had been off for 3 days previous. Yesterday I had a weird sensation of feeling like my legs were like jello and today...the same but, not as bad. For that fact alone. ..I didn't make it the end of the world that I felt like that. As the day progressed... I felt better and better which got me thinking....maybe I need to work and keep busy to keep this anxiety at bay.if i'm busy ...I don't think about my anxiety . I remember when I first started working at this place how nervous and overwhelmed I felt but, I kept at it and eventually... my anxiety got better and better. An early shift tomorrow so off to bed I go. Maybe tomorrow will be anxiety free.

Do you notice that when you put your mind to something else, you feel a little better?

 

[janemariesayed]

Diary entry 8:
Today was stupid hard and super stressful. I woke up this morning and everything seemed OK but,as the the progressed....I seemed to not be able to handle the stress today like I sometimes can. I have one job title yet....today because of how busy it was ...I found myself doing 2-3 jobs and on top of that.. my blood sugar got low today and they wouldn'tlet me eat. So I took my food,sat down and I ate despite there wishes...I mean...isn' t it against the law or something? Doesn't that infringe on our rights somehow?...I thought it did. I got home expecting to rest some but, bambam had other plans.. I took him outside and tied him to his pole so he could go...I come back about 10 minutes later and he has severely injured his bum which is easy to do because he has cancer so we stopped the bleeding for a while..let him out...and it started again. .but, it took longer to get under control . He' doing OK now but,this took about 3 hours to handle . We put a good bandage on him and it seems to be working. I'm dealing with alot of stress right now and it' really getting to be. I'm so freaking tired lately and all I want to do is sleep. If I could sleep for at least 10 hrs..that would suit me just fine. I noticed something today...a movie came on TV and at the end was a happy ending and it was ridiculous how teary eyed u got and this happens a ot to me. I think I got a ot inside of me and I have a hard time letting it out. Happiness. ... I feel it sometime' but, them again sometime I wonder if it' true happiness or if i'm just going through the motions. I just don' know. I'mean confused and I just don' t know how to be normal anymore. Off to bed. Tomorrow is another day. Maybe things will get better soon.

I see how you have been getting steadily worse. It's good to relax if you can. Watching a teary movie is good if you can release your pent-up emotions.

 

[Concernedgal]

I see how you have been getting steadily worse. It's good to relax if you can. Watching a teary movie is good if you can release your pent-up emotions.

Here is the thing though. I knew that I would be like this and that' why even when I feel on top of the world ....I proceed with caution because I know that soon ...it will be over and things will be sad,lonely ,and a living hell once again.

 

[Concernedgal]

Diary entry 9:
Today wasn't that bad. I still had symptoms of weak knees and my eyes were still a little sensitive to light. But .. .all and all...not that bad of a day. Nothing much to say today. I hope that things go better tommarow.

 

[Concernedgal]

Diary entry 10:
A very exausting day. I had to be at work at 4:30 this morning meaning that I was up at 3:30 this morning. It stresses me out ...I hate that schedule luckily I am off tommarow and I am so going to sleep late...possibly all day. If I could sleep all day...it would suit me just fine..lol. anyways. Anxiety wise...I had a little but going on today. Still experiencing that weird noodle feeling in my knees and legs. I know what it is though so I try to ignore it and it seems to be helping . It's not causing any panic attacks...yet. but, maybe tomorrow ...the weird feeling good will stop. Well, off to bed .

 

[janemariesayed]

Do you think that the hours you are working do your anxieties any good? It can't be good for your sleep pattern and some of your symptoms could be because of your sleep?

 

[Concernedgal]

Diary entry 11:
Today was my day off and I felt like crap . I didn' enjoy it at all. All I wanted to do was lay around and sleep all day, I got a headache and i'm not quite myself. I hot Brian to get me some Arby's today ...that was nice. ..I didn't have to cook..not that there was anything here anyway. Tomorrow is payday and that puts me in a better mood. Well,today wasn' that eventful but. I am so exausted. So I say goodnight. Off to bed.

 

[Concernedgal]

Do you think that the hours you are working do your anxieties any good? It can't be good for your sleep pattern and some of your symptoms could be because of your sleep?

Oh yeah definitely, i think it has alot to do with waking up that early. I hate that shift and I've told my boss that but, she doesn't care. At the end of the day.. I am freaking exausted. Ugh. I don'the want it no more.

 

[janemariesayed]

Oh yeah definitely, i think it has alot to do with waking up that early. I hate that shift and I've told my boss that but, she doesn't care. At the end of the day.. I am freaking exausted. Ugh. I don'the want it no more.

Catering is a taxing job to do. I know because I worked 30 years in the catering industry. Can you try to change your shifts? You have a heart condition and those working hours won't help it at all. Your doctor will tell you that. Can you try to change your hours to a later shift? Would your doctor give you a note to back you up at work? You would also give a better performance at work if you were able to sleep normal hours. Your heart condition doesn't allow for you to do night shifts and part night shifts. Please, please try to change it?