I'm terrified

[_Lukas]

I'm really scared that my fiance has colon cancer. He's been having symptoms that sound like colon cancer, and both his grandmother and his dad had it.
I can't sleep. I'm so scared. He keeps telling me not to worry and that he's fine but I'm so terrified that he has it.
If something happened and I lost him, I literally wouldn't be able to function anymore. He's my everything.

A few years ago he had a benign cyst in his abdomen and he's trying to convince me that it's probably something harmless like that. He says he'll go to the doctor but I'm so scared that we'll find out something is really wrong. I'm also scared that if it is a cyst or something and it needs to be removed, he'll die in surgery or he won't wake up from the anesthesia. I had a really traumatic experience with a surgery a few years ago so now I'm scared that if someone has surgery it will go wrong. I actually had a nightmare recently that he was having heart surgery and he died on the operating table. I woke up in a panic attack. I'm so terrified that it will happen in real life.

I tried to talk about this with my friends and now they think either the stress of planning the wedding has driven me insane or they think I'm on crack. My friends have noticed that my anxiety has gone through the roof lately and they've noticed that I'm not eating much and I'm losing weight and not sleeping and I don't look too good, and I'm dissociating a lot and having flashbacks, so they're concerned that I'm on drugs. I'm not using drugs, I'm just not sleeping because of anxiety and I'm being completely overworked between my job and grad school, and I do feel like I'm losing my mind.
I don't know what to do. I'm probably going to end up in the hospital again.

 

[Rinka]

Hi @_Lukas.
Let me ease your fear. If he has symptoms, such as blood in stool, then they will make a colonoscopy. That means that they will put a camera in his anus and go through his whole large intestine. If they find cysts or polyps, they will use little instruments and cut it right off there and then. They will then analyse them. No extra surgery, nothing will be cut open.

Since he has family with this kind of cancer, he should do this maybe once a year.

PS.
There is no anaesthetic for it. He might get a benzo, to calm down, but he will be awake the whole time. It will be very uncomfortable, if they remove a cyst or polyp it might even be painful but no anaesthesia.

 

[Concernedgal]

There's a couple of things that it most likely is.. 1) he has hemorrhoids which can cause streaks of blood to be shown on the stool. 2) "not to get too specific but,.." anal sexual contact can cause it too. And what that's called is an anal fissure which is a small cut that develops within the analysis wall but, will heal like a regular cut with time. Don't worry. He will get that colonoscopy and you will get your answers soon enough. Watch though. .. it's probably going to be 1 of those two things . Calm down.. I think he's fine. As long as his stoll isn't black or he doesn't see actual blood droplets in the toilet and btw... if colon cancer is present. .. he will also notice mucus in the stool.

 

[_Lukas]

"not to get too specific but,.." anal sexual contact can cause it too. And what that's called is an anal fissure which is a small cut that develops within the analysis wall but, will heal like a regular cut with time.

That's exactly what his doctor said it was. Not to be gross or anything, but- for lack of better words- I guess I'm, um, being a little too rough on him... I won't go into detail, but we're going to try to... calm down for a while.
Sorry if TMI.

Thanks for the advice ladies, I feel much better now and I also feel kind of stupid for overreacting. The good news is that he's okay.

 

[Concernedgal]

That's ok. What are friends for if you can't be real with one another.

 

[Rinka]

That's exactly what his doctor said it was. Not to be gross or anything, but- for lack of better words- I guess I'm, um, being a little too rough on him... I won't go into detail, but we're going to try to... calm down for a while.
Sorry if TMI.

Thanks for the advice ladies, I feel much better now and I also feel kind of stupid for overreacting. The good news is that he's okay.

Maybe using a better lubricant could help? One that keeps moist a bit longer.
https://www.amazon.com/System-JO-40108-H2O-Anal/dp/B002R5BH6W?th=1

 

[janemariesayed]

I guess I'm, um, being a little too rough on him..

Another funny comment where you have me in stitches, Lukas! I am very glad that he is okay. I think you are more anxious because of the stress of getting married so soon. Relax and thank the universe that you have at least experienced love in your life. I'm glad that you come on here and open up about your feelings and what you are going through.

 

[_Lukas]

Maybe using a better lubricant could help? One that keeps moist a bit longer.
https://www.amazon.com/System-JO-40108-H2O-Anal/dp/B002R5BH6W?th=1

Thank you for the suggestion, that's probably a good idea! I don't want to hurt him.

 

[_Lukas]

Another funny comment where you have me in stitches, Lukas! I am very glad that he is okay. I think you are more anxious because of the stress of getting married so soon. Relax and thank the universe that you have at least experienced love in your life. I'm glad that you come on here and open up about your feelings and what you are going through.

Lol! That wasn't even meant to be funny! I was trying to be careful with how I phrased that sentence because I didn't want to just come out guns blazing and talk about anal sex in public lol.

Thank you for your kind words, I'm so glad I found Dave and I love him to pieces. I am also very fortunate to have found this forum and all of you guys. I don't have a whole lot of people I can talk to in real life so it's very helpful to come on here and talk, and everyone's kindness is much appreciated! I try to be helpful when I can too.

 

[Rinka]

Lol! That wasn't even meant to be funny! I was trying to be careful with how I phrased that sentence because I didn't want to just come out guns blazing and talk about anal sex in public lol.

Thank you for your kind words, I'm so glad I found Dave and I love him to pieces. I am also very fortunate to have found this forum and all of you guys. I don't have a whole lot of people I can talk to in real life so it's very helpful to come on here and talk, and everyone's kindness is much appreciated! I try to be helpful when I can too.

Talking about sex should be the most normal and natural thing. I’m not talking about giving details or pictures or what ever, but it needs to be talked about because almost everyone is doing it.
If people don’t talk then it becomes a taboo and then people get their information from inconsiered sources and it’s being perverted or people don’t know how to protect themselves.

Ah I could go on and on about this.
I worked with high school kids in Germany and gave them Sex Education. They come up with a lot of rubbish and misinformation. Tampons prevent pregnancy and only gay men get HIV. Stupid stuff really.
And then they watch porn because they don’t get any other information on how it’s been done.
Porn is really not the best source of a healthy sex education.

Gosh see I’m rambling on. Terrible.

 

[janemariesayed]

Lol! That wasn't even meant to be funny! I was trying to be careful with how I phrased that sentence because I didn't want to just come out guns blazing and talk about anal sex in public lol.

Thank you for your kind words, I'm so glad I found Dave and I love him to pieces. I am also very fortunate to have found this forum and all of you guys. I don't have a whole lot of people I can talk to in real life so it's very helpful to come on here and talk, and everyone's kindness is much appreciated! I try to be helpful when I can too.

I know you were trying to be careful. And you were very polite with it too. My sense of humour, but that is what made it funny. I love the way you are trying to be as open and honest as you can without being rude or offensive. I appreciate that. There is a saying that comes from somewhere I don't know where that goes 'Says the actress to the Bishop'! I sometimes swing it round and say 'says the Bishop to the actress! lol, It gives some phrases people say, double meanings.

I think that you express yourself very well. At least you do on here anyway. I love reading your posts

 

[Mrs_MustardSeed]

I'm really scared that my fiance has colon cancer. He's been having symptoms that sound like colon cancer, and both his grandmother and his dad had it.
I can't sleep. I'm so scared. He keeps telling me not to worry and that he's fine but I'm so terrified that he has it.
If something happened and I lost him, I literally wouldn't be able to function anymore. He's my everything.

A few years ago he had a benign cyst in his abdomen and he's trying to convince me that it's probably something harmless like that. He says he'll go to the doctor but I'm so scared that we'll find out something is really wrong. I'm also scared that if it is a cyst or something and it needs to be removed, he'll die in surgery or he won't wake up from the anesthesia. I had a really traumatic experience with a surgery a few years ago so now I'm scared that if someone has surgery it will go wrong. I actually had a nightmare recently that he was having heart surgery and he died on the operating table. I woke up in a panic attack. I'm so terrified that it will happen in real life.

I tried to talk about this with my friends and now they think either the stress of planning the wedding has driven me insane or they think I'm on crack. My friends have noticed that my anxiety has gone through the roof lately and they've noticed that I'm not eating much and I'm losing weight and not sleeping and I don't look too good, and I'm dissociating a lot and having flashbacks, so they're concerned that I'm on drugs. I'm not using drugs, I'm just not sleeping because of anxiety and I'm being completely overworked between my job and grad school, and I do feel like I'm losing my mind.
I don't know what to do. I'm probably going to end up in the hospital again.

Hey Lukas! I know that having a family history of cancer can be quite a scary thing, but if he goes to the doctor pretty regularly, he should be fine. Make sure that he goes to that appointment, not just for his sake, but for yours as well. Colonoscopys are pretty routine things. I know that when I was going through my whole stomach fear, and I had an endoscopy, there were plenty of people there for a colonoscopy as well. It's a pain in the ass, literally, because your diet is restricted before the procedure for obvious reasons...and I think you have to do an enema, yuck. However, it's done in a standard office, and if they see anything "abnormal", they can remove it right then and there. Just make the appointment and don't think about it. Try to focus on all the details of your wedding. Do something that makes you happy. I'm sure he'll be fine. As long as his appetite is healthy and he feels ok for the most part, he should be ok.

 

[_Lukas]

Hey Lukas! I know that having a family history of cancer can be quite a scary thing, but if he goes to the doctor pretty regularly, he should be fine. Make sure that he goes to that appointment, not just for his sake, but for yours as well. Colonoscopys are pretty routine things. I know that when I was going through my whole stomach fear, and I had an endoscopy, there were plenty of people there for a colonoscopy as well. It's a pain in the ass, literally, because your diet is restricted before the procedure for obvious reasons...and I think you have to do an enema, yuck. However, it's done in a standard office, and if they see anything "abnormal", they can remove it right then and there. Just make the appointment and don't think about it. Try to focus on all the details of your wedding. Do something that makes you happy. I'm sure he'll be fine. As long as his appetite is healthy and he feels ok for the most part, he should be ok.

Thanks for your advice and reassurance He seems fine and healthy! Unfortunately he hurt his finger at work today and I think we both have a cold, but other than that he seems perfectly normal and like himself.

We're focusing on the wedding and I'm having a lot of anxiety because it's in two weeks!

 

[_Lukas]

Talking about sex should be the most normal and natural thing. I’m not talking about giving details or pictures or what ever, but it needs to be talked about because almost everyone is doing it.
If people don’t talk then it becomes a taboo and then people get their information from inconsiered sources and it’s being perverted or people don’t know how to protect themselves.

Ah I could go on and on about this.
I worked with high school kids in Germany and gave them Sex Education. They come up with a lot of rubbish and misinformation. Tampons prevent pregnancy and only gay men get HIV. Stupid stuff really.
And then they watch porn because they don’t get any other information on how it’s been done.
Porn is really not the best source of a healthy sex education.

Gosh see I’m rambling on. Terrible.

I agree, and I'm glad you shared your thoughts on this, Rinka. No worries about rambling, I do it too
I'm in the Gay-Straight Alliance at my grad school, and there's a lot of misinformation being spread around that particular group about sex in general and especially about gay sex and about LGBTQ+ things in general. It's so frustrating!
Porn is definitely not the best source for sex education... unfortunately that seems to be how a lot of people my age and especially younger kids get their information about sex. Sigh.

 

[_Lukas]

I know you were trying to be careful. And you were very polite with it too. My sense of humour, but that is what made it funny. I love the way you are trying to be as open and honest as you can without being rude or offensive. I appreciate that. There is a saying that comes from somewhere I don't know where that goes 'Says the actress to the Bishop'! I sometimes swing it round and say 'says the Bishop to the actress! lol, It gives some phrases people say, double meanings.

I think that you express yourself very well. At least you do on here anyway. I love reading your posts

No worries, I have a similar sense of humor
A joke I always tell people is "What's the best pickup line to use at a gay bar?"
"...Can I push your stool in?"
Lol! That is funny about that saying. I should start using that now

Hahaha, I express myself well on here because I'm typing, not speaking When I speak I sound more like "I-I-I-I'm t-t-t-twying t-to expwess... mysewf"
Dave always says to me "Lukas, you have way more personality than I think most people can handle." I could say the same for him too! Just this morning when I was at school, he texted me and said "I hope you're having a fabulous day, my angel!" (with kissy faces and hearts!) He definitely has a larger-than-life personality lol. He's so cute.

I love reading your posts too! You are so kind and supportive and you have a great sense of humor! Plus you're a dog lover, which is always a good thing!

 

[janemariesayed]

Ha ha ha, you just gave me a coughing fit as you threw me into a good laugh. What a funny joke! I'm so glad you have a sense of humour.

Many people have stutters Lukas and it's nothing to be ashamed of. Does reading out loud help? Is it due to anxiety and does it help if you speak slowly? Most people gabble and speak so fast that I can't take in what they are saying anyway. My ears don't hear that quick! lol

Yes, I'm a dog lover. And proud of it. Don't we dog people have something different about us? To live with, and understand a completely different species to us. And be friends together!

I have a thing about holding their paws. I've done it with all my dogs but my pup Carl is so cute. I lay my hand down beside him now, palm side up and he puts his paw in the palm of my hand ~ oooooh, the daily dose of cuteness. and we sit there watching telly paw in hand! haha! Yep, and Carl watches telly too. They bring a smile to my face and I feel loved. What is wonderful is being able to love another soul freely and be loved back unconditionally. I know one million trillion, billion per cent that they would never be disloyal to me.

 

[_Lukas]

That's always my go-to joke when I'm around people Some people laugh like crazy and some people are just shocked that it came out of my mouth For some reason people are always shocked that I say things like that lol. I think it's because I look sweet and innocent, but everyone is in for a real surprise if they think that's what my personality is like

My stutter is due to my medical condition. I speak slowly most of the time as is and that doesn't seem to help. God forbid anyone ever tries to listen to me read out loud lol! I'm not really ashamed of my stutter, sometimes public speaking makes me anxious but I've kind of learned to take it in stride because it's just a part of who I am and one of my many quirks.

Dog people are a special gift to the world I'm proud of being a dog lover too. It's truly amazing how certain people and dogs can connect on that special level and have a mutual understanding of each other. And the loyalty, on both ends! There's nothing else like the bond between human and dog! I could go on and on about this, especially because it's related to my career.

That is adorable! I hold my dogs' paws too and I always touch noses with them.
Some of my dogs also like to watch TV! Dave didn't believe me when I first told him that Nova watches television. He had to see for himself lol. Our puppy, Malenka, even reacts differently to different types of shows and movies! She always barks when she hears gunshots on TV too. Usually at night after work the two of us sit on the couch with all the dogs and have a glass of wine and watch a show or a movie together. It's a good way for all of us to spend time together! And the dogs really seem to enjoy it too!

Unconditional love is truly one of the best things about having a dog (but there are too many good things about dogs to count!). I know for a fact that my dogs would never be disloyal to me either and I'm never worried about being harmed when I'm with them because I know they would do anything to protect me. I would take a bullet for my dogs too.