I'm not okay

[AnxiousThanatophobe]

Hey.. Im not really ok. I thought I was getting better but all i was doing was bottling up my emotions. I think I relapsed yesterday. I was testing a blade on my finger (bc if it cant cut skin it cant cut wood, right?) And at the same I wanted to cut myself. It didnt cut my skin but I wanted it to. Im really not ok and it sucks bc I really want to be.

 

[Cuchculan]

Cutting solves nothing at all. Just leaves you with a load of marks you have to try and hide from people. You might get relief for about 2 minutes after cutting. Then you feel bad / stupid for actually cutting yourself. Ever feel like doing it again, try an easier option. Elastic band. Sling it on the arm. Still feel a hint of pain. But not as bad as cutting. This is what they actually give cutters in psych hospitals. Have seen it. People walking around holding elastic bands. Had to be explained to me. Or better still if you have even one person you can trust to talk to.

 

[AnxiousThanatophobe]

I was 4 months clean before that thingg but I dont even know if I should consider that a relapse since it didnt actually cut my skin

 

[Cuchculan]

The most important thing is that you did nothing at all. That alone is progress. Try and remember that if you ever get that urge again.

 

[AnxiousThanatophobe]

Okay

 

[Joshua1]

Hey.. Im not really ok. I thought I was getting better but all i was doing was bottling up my emotions. I think I relapsed yesterday. I was testing a blade on my finger (bc if it cant cut skin it cant cut wood, right?) And at the same I wanted to cut myself. It didnt cut my skin but I wanted it to. Im really not ok and it sucks bc I really want to be.

Self harming is not the answer. Find something as solace, to help you on dealing with the issues. Self harming often leave scars that even when a person emotionally recovers from the issue, the scars are still there. Scars from self harming are almost as bad as the act itself, because scars work against self esteem.

 

[PRguru_cfj]

Normally I would say scares make you tough. But I kown those scares and I know the stares and I know the feeling. It's not a good feeling making your self the monster you see your self in your head. I am at that point and everyone sees me as a freak. I am NOT excepted any where. And I think some nights are my last. Maybe be today, maybe tomarrow. Don't know I am crazy and without purpose. I am just a loser trying to help somebody's not end up like me. Have a will and desire and never give up on them selves becuase I k ow what purposeless and not believing in one self looks like its NOT a pretty sight. You can hate the world yes go for it. But never hate your self, that's the worst kind of poison.

 

[Vincent]

When you say you had a relapse, do you mean you have a history of self-cutting? If you do, have you had counseling for it? If not, please do get proper counseling.

If you don't have a history of self-cutting, it was probably just an intrusive thought. If you don't know what intrusive thoughts are, here is a reference: https://moodsmith.com/intrusive-thoughts/. Do a search for other references as well.

There's no reason to test blades on your skin. Most people use paper.

 

[AnxiousThanatophobe]

yes i have a history. and im in therapy

 

[Vincent]

As others have said, you didn't do it. Your history came back to you in that moment, and you beat it.

 

[MainerMikeBrown]

Their's a big difference between cutting yourself and almost cutting yourself. I'm glad you chose not to actually cut yourself despite the urge, AT.

Good job of not cutting yourself!

 

[imsotired]

i totally understand how you feel. there was a week where i was having only good days then one day i had a relapse which i was very annoyed and frustrated about it which caused me to feel numb as i was fighting the feeling as i waned to be happy all the time. now i know that is not possible. though i haven't experienced that myself i have been doing research. I found out that many people cut themselves to relieve themselves from mental or emotional pain. everyone is responsible for their own actions. although cutting can make you feel sense of relief for a a bit of time, it is unhealthy, it damages your skin which may cause problem later on.

i suggest having other ways to relieve the pain. what has worked for me is writing it down in a journal, talking to someone about it or just doing other things that i enjoy which takes my mind of the thing that i am worrying about.

hope this help you, have a good day

 

[AnxiousThanatophobe]

i totally understand how you feel. there was a week where i was having only good days then one day i had a relapse which i was very annoyed and frustrated about it which caused me to feel numb as i was fighting the feeling as i waned to be happy all the time. now i know that is not possible. though i haven't experienced that myself i have been doing research. I found out that many people cut themselves to relieve themselves from mental or emotional pain. everyone is responsible for their own actions. although cutting can make you feel sense of relief for a a bit of time, it is unhealthy, it damages your skin which may cause problem later on.

i suggest having other ways to relieve the pain. what has worked for me is writing it down in a journal, talking to someone about it or just doing other things that i enjoy which takes my mind of the thing that i am worrying about.

hope this help you, have a good day

Hi ty sorry I haven't been on here in a while