I'm even nervous to post this...

[Shylo]

Hi all
Let me start off by saying I hate the way I am and would do anything to be like everyone else out there that are confident, out-going and social. I hate sitting back watching everyone at school do what I have only dreamt of doing and it annoys me so much that I feel I physically can't push myself to join in. I'm a 16 year old girl and I'm extremely shy, anti-social and self conscious. I can't do anything without feeling I am being watched and judged, the only place I feel I can express myself though even in front of my family I don't feel entirely comfortable. I feel I can only trust my own company. I feel I am not good enough for anyone else. I am becoming obsessed with exercising though at the back of my mind I know I'm as skinny as a rake. I do not speak unless I am spoken to and do not go out anywhere unless I have to and I really do dread it. I don't want to be like this and I constantly feel like there is something wrong with me. I am hoping this forum, talking to other people with the same problems may help me out. I am afraid I am becoming depressed with the way I am.

 

[Unicorn Princess]

Hi Shylo, Oh my goodness. I am much older than you, but can totally identify with this. In middle school and high school I would always sit on the sidelines, observe and not participate. I was terrified of being made fun of and gym class was torture. The only time I got a good grade in gym was when I took two workout classes. The thing that helped me through some of the same feelings was finding something I wanted to be good at and in a one on one situation practicing. For example one day I was at the pool and no one was there other than my mom and aunt, no other kids to judge me. That day I learned how to dive with my mom and aunt coaching me. I must have jumped in the pool hundreds of times that day . It was an incredible feeling. You probably gravitate toward exercising because it is an independent sport. I am not at all coordinated enough to participate in group sports, but biking, skating, bowling, golf or even tennis may be good options for you to participate in something. It may give you the opportunity to slowly build relationships with people that enjoy similar things. As far as being skinny as a rake, there are many healthy food options to pump up your calorie intake while you are exercising. Don't feel pressure to have a huge circle of friends, if you have one or two close friends in life that's okay. To many people family members are their best friends and that's okay. I discovered because I am shy I gravitate toward people that have strong personalities. I think that is because I wish I could be more like them and also they are not afraid to drag me out of the house. I usually feel better once I make it out, it is just getting there that is difficult. I think sometimes the outgoing people wish they could be more reserved like me. I think we learn from each other. I know younger people are much more likely to use texting to communicate, but try making some phone calls to develop communication skills. I had a job answering phones and I found some confidence through this. By phone I could be charming, flirtatious and outgoing, something I found much more difficult face to face. Eventually I discovered while still shy and a bit more reserved, I could closely resemble the person behind the phone face to face. I hope some of this advice helps. Take care.

 

[triceps]

You know all those kids that seem cool, confident and have it together? The vast majority are like jello inside with many of the insecurities you have. However it sounds like you have some sort of social anxiety that hopefully you can find the strength to address before you get too depressed. If possible, the best place to start is to sit your parents down and express to them all of the difficulties you described above. Hopefully they'll be supportive in getting you the counseling and or medical care to help you get through this trying period of your life.

 

[EvaGisele]

Hi Shylo! I’m older than you (I’m 42), but I felt similarly in high school. I was very comfortable around family and two close friends, but I felt so different at school. I hated gym class, when most kids loved it. Back then, the gym teacher would pick kids to lead teams and have them choose who they wanted on their team. I was usually the last one standing and the teacher would have to put me on a team. Humiliating. However, I loved yoga, strength training, and individual physical activities. I rarely verbally participated in class and, because of anxiety, I had some trouble focusing in school. I was from a more working class background but I went to a private school with kids from families with money who were just more confident than me in some situations. I know it’s way easier said than done, but I just soldiered through those years and latched onto things that interested me. Come college time, I found a niche since college is usually a more diverse environment where differences are celebrated. My confidence soared in college. Keep sharing here and seek out help from school counselors. I came to realize during those years that I was (still am) an introverted person who didn’t like stuff that most people my age did, and there’s nothing wrong with that. I hope that through your own strength (which is there whether you feel it or not) and using resources available to you, that you come to know and embrace who you truly are!!!