I will never be normal

[janemariesayed]

I hope everyone's doing well

On the subject of pets, I finally found an avatar that I'm okay with lol, it took a lot of searching but I found a picture of me where I'm somewhat smiling Smiling is hard for me because of my muscle coordination issues. But that's a picture of me with one of my dogs from work, her name was Ziva, like the NCIS character! She was one of my favorites of all time and I would have taken her home if I could have, but I live in an apartment and that's no place for a Border Collie mix!

I love everyone's cat and dog stories, I hope to hear more

Carol, your comment about the gas made me laugh, lol

Ziva looked gorgeous Lukas, border collies are very intelligent dogs and I have often watched them on working dog trials. That is also a very nice picture of you and you are wearing a lovely smile!

 

[XmasCarol52]

Oh but boy can u imagine the money we would make.Eat more beans or cereal that will give u gas but then again a glass of water gives me gas.

 

[_Lukas]

Ziva looked gorgeous Lukas, border collies are very intelligent dogs and I have often watched them on working dog trials. That is also a very nice picture of you and you are wearing a lovely smile!

Aww, thank you!
I love Border Collies, they're so smart! We get a lot of them at my work because they can have a tendency toward being aggressive and unpredictable when they don't have a job and aren't mentally stimulated.
They're definitely a breed I would consider owning one day when I have a bigger house and yard. Same with the Belgian Malinois, definitely not a good pet for someone who lives in an apartment but beautiful, intelligent dogs that are definitely on my list of dogs I would get.

 

[_Lukas]

Oh but boy can u imagine the money we would make.Eat more beans or cereal that will give u gas but then again a glass of water gives me gas.

Lol My fiance and I were laughing about something similar at dinner tonight because we got takeout and it happened to have jalapenos and onion rings in it I have an insane tolerance for spicy food but it makes both of us fart like crazy lol

 

[janemariesayed]

Lol My fiance and I were laughing about something similar at dinner tonight because we got takeout and it happened to have jalapenos and onion rings in it I have an insane tolerance for spicy food but it makes both of us fart like crazy lol

It's roast dinners and vegetables that make me fart.

'Wherever you may be, let your wind blow free

 

[janemariesayed]

Aww, thank you!
I love Border Collies, they're so smart! We get a lot of them at my work because they can have a tendency toward being aggressive and unpredictable when they don't have a job and aren't mentally stimulated.
They're definitely a breed I would consider owning one day when I have a bigger house and yard. Same with the Belgian Malinois, definitely not a good pet for someone who lives in an apartment but beautiful, intelligent dogs that are definitely on my list of dogs I would get.

I'm not sure what a Belgian Malinois is but it sounds like quite a large dog, am I right?

Actually, I just googled a picture of one and they look a bit like german shepherds from what I can see. They are very strong dogs and very loyal. They would be great to have in a big backyard.

 

[_Lukas]

I'm not sure what a Belgian Malinois is but it sounds like quite a large dog, am I right?

Actually, I just googled a picture of one and they look a bit like german shepherds from what I can see. They are very strong dogs and very loyal. They would be great to have in a big backyard.

Yeah, Malinois are similar to GSDs, but with more Border Collie-like intelligence and work drive. The Military uses them a lot. When I get married and move to a bigger house with a yard I would like to have a Malinois and possibly a Border Collie. Right now we have a Pit Bull and a German Shepherd. I grew up with GSDs and when my mom was growing up back in Poland her family used to breed and show Shetland Sheepdogs, or Shelties.

 

[Jesus is lord]

No it's not weird. It's actually healthy. I wish I could be able to accept it, but I feel like a fixer and a controller and since I can't fix myself I try to fix others and make others happy. I don't ever want anyone to have to know what I'm feeling or what thoughts are running through my head because I don't want to burden anyone. I am different in the way I think and do things. I stand out and I hate it. I am introverted on a severe way. My mind runs on and on sometimes it prevents me from sleeping. I have flash backs of the things that happen when I was little. The way my uncle sounded when he breathed. But I'm a good faker and can appear to the outside perfect but on the inside I feel darkness. I sometimes find myself wanting to slam my head in the wall or just scream because of the insanity around me. But I don't.
I look forward to reading your post.

Seek our Lord and saviour Jesus christ.......through him you shall be restored!

 

[janemariesayed]

Thank you, I was do releaved when I read your response. I have been hurt by so many. I was afraid of being made fun of or even worse rejected when I put myself out there.
I have told my counselor that I don't believe I can be helped or fixed. My memories contain the long death of my mom who died at 34 years old when I had just turned 9 from breast cancer. Her long endless battle when the cancer spread to her entire body. Then when she died is when my daddy started drinking and beating us. He attempted suicide and me and my brother found him I thought he was dead like my mom. My entire life is nothing but death, neglect, abuse of all kinds, hunger etc.
But I oly came on here because I had to tell someone anyone without being looked like a crazy person or fear of being locked up in an asylum.
But I don't think I will ever be healed completely and I told my counselor to not feel bad because I have accepted it. And I don't want to share these thoughts with my family because they shouldn't have to carry the burden that I have to. But the fealings of wanting to hurt myself have become overwhelming that I have given in.
I have 2 siblings my older sister is a recovering addict. She lost it after her husband stabbed another man to death and ended up in prison. She's been clean for 2 years. My little brother is a closet alcoholic and drug user and dealer. I used to be his protector from daddy when we we little and I can't protect him now.
But I wanted to say I appreciate your response I was really afraid putting myself out there.

Those days are over where we can be locked up. But if you don't feel comfortable to talk with people in your everyday life then you don't have to. You are safe here, and this is a very friendly community that you have found and we are all naturally non-judgemental.

You did the right thing to come on here and talk. We all love you here and will never reject you.