Strawberry Banana Sundae
Member
- Joined
- Nov 17, 2022
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It was about seven or eight years ago, I was still in high school at the time. It was my first time playing Fortnite. It was also my first time gaming in a live stream. I had social anxiety for a few years at the time and I wanted to make an attempt to overcome it. I was sent a request by a YouTuber whom I will not name and just leave him anonymous. He was one of those cash-grab gamers that thrived on trolling teenagers like me. I stupidly accepted it, not knowing what was yet to come.
While we were streaming, I was so nervous I thought I was going to have a panic attack. The first question the guy asked me was my gender. I replied “I’m female” then I added with uncertainty “I think…”. The guy laughed at my face and said “you THINK?!”. He didn’t understand I was still struggling with my gender identity. Instead of calling him out, I assumed he was only joking and decided to brush it off.
During the game, I was so nervous knowing that so many people were watching me. My hands were shaking frantically on my controller. I was unfamiliar with the rules of Fortnite that I was struggling to grasp the basics and was severely falling behind. It didn’t help that the guy was constantly insulting me, saying that I’m stupid and dumb and I “fight like a girl”.
Then he (as his character) started to deliberately attack me even though we were on the same team. I told him to stop, but he didn’t and just kept throwing insults at me. Finally I screamed “you’re a bitch!”. I had no idea why I said it. The intense was building up inside of me that it suddenly slipped out. He remained unfazed and replied “no, YOU’RE the bitch, ‘cause you’re a chick and only chicks can be bitches!”
I was pissed. I was so stressed that I started to scream helplessly in rage. A few minutes later, just as I was trying to catch my breath, the guy then went right on insulting me further, calling me an “ugly whore whose vagina smells like rotten eggs”. I felt a hard lump forming in my throat. I threw an insult back at him in response, though I don’t remember what I said to be exact. He responded with “what are you, gay?!”. Shocked at his sheer stupidity, I responded “I’m NOT gay!”. He replied “gay is when you like guys”.
I was so flustered at the fact he was calling me gay, when I was a woman, and at the same time I was questioning my sexuality. More rage burst out of me as he was kicking my ass and bringing me down lower and lower. Again, I ended up screaming helplessly and flailing. That was when my dad burst into my room and screamed at me to get off the computer. I told him I wasn’t finished playing. My dad kept yelling at me that I was staying up past my bedtime on a school night, then he yanked me off the chair and yanked the controller out of my hands and unhooked it.
The last thing I heard from the guy was that he was laughing at me and mocking me going “uh oh, you’re in big trouble!”. Then dad shut off the computer and yelled at me further saying I was falling behind at school because all I do is stay up late playing video games. The he said I was “out of control” and if I “keep up that behavior”, I would have to be sent to a juvenile. I felt powerless and eventually became so sick with overwhelming stress, I threw up.
A few days later, one of my classmates sent me a video via text message. To my horror, it was a YouTube video that was about the same exact incident that the very same guy uploaded on his channel, that had several thousand views already! To make matters worse, there were hundreds of comments of people cheering for the guy and some were even insulting me, calling me hysterical and stupid and I “got what I deserved”. My chest grew tight, my heart started to race, my breath got short. Everything around me was turning white. Then I fainted.
I had no idea how long I was unconscious. When I woke back up, I was at the nurse’s office. The nurse asked if I was okay. I didn’t want to make a scene so I dishonestly replied “yes”. I was sent back to class shortly after. At least several students in my school taunted me and laughed at me, which lasted for about a few weeks, to my knowledge. I felt humiliated, and most possibly, scarred for life.
It was a big turning point for me, as during the few weeks I was publicly ridiculed, I swore off men in terms of sexual and romantic relationships. In fact, I swore off romance in general. Being constantly mocked for my sole existence was definitely not worth wasting my time trying to find a relationship. Years later, the trauma still stuck with me. I’m now learning to be more careful about putting myself out there in public, because there are sickos out there who will desperately try to bring out the worst in me.
I also don’t bother in opening social media comments as they’re not worth it. They only thrive to make us miserable. It saddens me that we live in a reality that many people lack empathy. The only thing we can do for ourselves now is to deal. And lastly, I am never going to accept any more online requests from random strangers as I don’t want to risk having my personal life placed in a virtual courtroom.
While we were streaming, I was so nervous I thought I was going to have a panic attack. The first question the guy asked me was my gender. I replied “I’m female” then I added with uncertainty “I think…”. The guy laughed at my face and said “you THINK?!”. He didn’t understand I was still struggling with my gender identity. Instead of calling him out, I assumed he was only joking and decided to brush it off.
During the game, I was so nervous knowing that so many people were watching me. My hands were shaking frantically on my controller. I was unfamiliar with the rules of Fortnite that I was struggling to grasp the basics and was severely falling behind. It didn’t help that the guy was constantly insulting me, saying that I’m stupid and dumb and I “fight like a girl”.
Then he (as his character) started to deliberately attack me even though we were on the same team. I told him to stop, but he didn’t and just kept throwing insults at me. Finally I screamed “you’re a bitch!”. I had no idea why I said it. The intense was building up inside of me that it suddenly slipped out. He remained unfazed and replied “no, YOU’RE the bitch, ‘cause you’re a chick and only chicks can be bitches!”
I was pissed. I was so stressed that I started to scream helplessly in rage. A few minutes later, just as I was trying to catch my breath, the guy then went right on insulting me further, calling me an “ugly whore whose vagina smells like rotten eggs”. I felt a hard lump forming in my throat. I threw an insult back at him in response, though I don’t remember what I said to be exact. He responded with “what are you, gay?!”. Shocked at his sheer stupidity, I responded “I’m NOT gay!”. He replied “gay is when you like guys”.
I was so flustered at the fact he was calling me gay, when I was a woman, and at the same time I was questioning my sexuality. More rage burst out of me as he was kicking my ass and bringing me down lower and lower. Again, I ended up screaming helplessly and flailing. That was when my dad burst into my room and screamed at me to get off the computer. I told him I wasn’t finished playing. My dad kept yelling at me that I was staying up past my bedtime on a school night, then he yanked me off the chair and yanked the controller out of my hands and unhooked it.
The last thing I heard from the guy was that he was laughing at me and mocking me going “uh oh, you’re in big trouble!”. Then dad shut off the computer and yelled at me further saying I was falling behind at school because all I do is stay up late playing video games. The he said I was “out of control” and if I “keep up that behavior”, I would have to be sent to a juvenile. I felt powerless and eventually became so sick with overwhelming stress, I threw up.
A few days later, one of my classmates sent me a video via text message. To my horror, it was a YouTube video that was about the same exact incident that the very same guy uploaded on his channel, that had several thousand views already! To make matters worse, there were hundreds of comments of people cheering for the guy and some were even insulting me, calling me hysterical and stupid and I “got what I deserved”. My chest grew tight, my heart started to race, my breath got short. Everything around me was turning white. Then I fainted.
I had no idea how long I was unconscious. When I woke back up, I was at the nurse’s office. The nurse asked if I was okay. I didn’t want to make a scene so I dishonestly replied “yes”. I was sent back to class shortly after. At least several students in my school taunted me and laughed at me, which lasted for about a few weeks, to my knowledge. I felt humiliated, and most possibly, scarred for life.
It was a big turning point for me, as during the few weeks I was publicly ridiculed, I swore off men in terms of sexual and romantic relationships. In fact, I swore off romance in general. Being constantly mocked for my sole existence was definitely not worth wasting my time trying to find a relationship. Years later, the trauma still stuck with me. I’m now learning to be more careful about putting myself out there in public, because there are sickos out there who will desperately try to bring out the worst in me.
I also don’t bother in opening social media comments as they’re not worth it. They only thrive to make us miserable. It saddens me that we live in a reality that many people lack empathy. The only thing we can do for ourselves now is to deal. And lastly, I am never going to accept any more online requests from random strangers as I don’t want to risk having my personal life placed in a virtual courtroom.