• Welcome to the Anxiety Community Forum, a friendly space for discussion, help and support with mental health issues. Please register to post and use the extra features available to members. Click here to register.Everyone is welcome!

I need help! :(

_Lukas

Active Member
Thread starter #1
I've been up all night freaking out and I need some advice and someone to talk to :(
I'm posting this in the PTSD section because this is affecting my C-PTSD. :(

My best friend has never been very fond of my fiance. She finds him extremely annoying and thinks he's very self-centered. She says he thinks the world revolves around him and that he always thinks he's starring in the "[his name] Show."
The two of them tolerate each other when we all hang out together but you can tell there's a mutual dislike. My best friend has never told me I should break up with my fiance or I'm making a bad decision or anything like that, but my fiance has said I should dump my best friend and that she's "toxic" and he's "sick of her ****."
I felt bad that he said that and I didn't want to be put in the middle so I confided in my best friend about it, and she said "He tries to turn you against anyone that's standing in his way." I really didn't want to admit that she's right but she is right about that.

Earlier tonight I was texting with my best friend and she tried to tell me this as gently as possible but she said she thinks my fiance may be a narcissist. She sent me a link to a site that listed all the symptoms of narcissistic personality disorder, and unfortunately I think my fiance ticks a lot of the boxes :(

He always talks about himself. If the conversation he's involved in isn't focused on him, he redirects the conversation by talking about himself again. Everything he says pretty much starts with "I." He talks about his appearance and his achievements a lot. He tends to exaggerate. He's always the life of the party and the center of attention. He dominates all conversations. He rarely asks other people questions about themselves. He'll say "Hi, how are you" but that's about the extent of it.

He fantasizes a lot about things like being a famous pop star, driving a Mercedes, having a private jet, being a millionaire, etc. He likes to go to parties where it's likely that he'll interact with rich people and he wears mostly designer clothes and an expensive watch and stuff. Everything we buy has to be "brand name" and he spends a lot of money on things like wine, champagne, etc., not to mention clothes and shoes! He's not good at managing money and we've had some fights about it. He gets really upset when people point out that he drives a minivan.

My fiance is pretty critical of my friends, particularly the ones that are awkward or nerdy, or not super attractive, or overweight. When we're out places he points out people that aren't dressed fashionably. It bothers me and I usually tell him to stop. I have a particular friend who is a really sweet, harmless guy but he's a nerd and he's kind of socially awkward, and my fiance is always commenting about his "man boobs."

He also is really overly sensitive to criticism and will cry for like hours if someone makes a comment about his weight or points out that he has a gap between his teeth or even just gets frustrated with him. When someone doesn't like him, omg, it's like the world is ending!

My fiance is usually very well-liked in most social situations, and people find him really charming, charismatic, and attractive. One time one of my female friends jokingly said she wanted to marry him and my other friend was like "Get in line, tons of people want to marry him." He is very conventionally attractive and is definitely aware of that. Like I said before, he's kind of always the center of attention and he draws people like a magnet, especially women, which is weird because he's attracted to only men. I've gotten in some pretty aggressive (verbal) spats with women who were flirting with him.
He always thinks people are jealous of him and seems to enjoy that sentiment.

So, even with all that said, I really don't think my fiance is a bad person! :( He can be really nasty toward some other people sometimes, which I realize is a flaw and I don't like it, but he is always super sweet and affectionate to me and super protective of me, and I love him more than anything and I do want to spend the rest of my life with him. He was able to overlook my stutter and speech impediment and my C-PTSD and all my medical issues and he truly seems to love me for who I am.

If he does have narcissistic personality disorder, is there anything that can be done to help him? I don't want him to hurt people :( I love him and I don't know what to do :(
 
#3
It seems like your fiance has a high ego, which is not always a bad thing in a character. While your fiance may enjoy being the center of attention, he is also fiercely loyal to you. It is also you he is marrying. Maybe your best friend is a tad jealous?

The two of them are at logger heads because of jealousy over the relationship with you. It seems that both of them would rather you not had the other.

The thing is, that you and he will be entering into a partnership very soon. That partnership is a marriage which means you will share everything together. He will be your best friend for the rest of your lives together. Your female friend will get married herself one day and she won't have so much time for you when that happens. Although you will stay friends, it won't be the same. I think that this is why they both feel a bit tense with each other.

Try not to worry about it, or don't let it get to you. The thing is, because you are marrying your man, your loyalty must be to him first but at the same time pacifying your friend to keep the peace between them. It's not an easy situation to be in. Good luck and let me know how you get on.
 
#5
Thank you so much, that really helps put my mind at ease! I will keep you updated and let you know how this situation goes.
I'm so glad I found this site!
You are really welcome @_Lukas and I am really happy to have made another friend. I'm looking forward to seeing how you get on. I'm so glad you found this site too! And I'm glad I found it! ;)
 

Concernedgal

Well-Known Member
#7
I
I've been up all night freaking out and I need some advice and someone to talk to :(
I'm posting this in the PTSD section because this is affecting my C-PTSD. :(

My best friend has never been very fond of my fiance. She finds him extremely annoying and thinks he's very self-centered. She says he thinks the world revolves around him and that he always thinks he's starring in the "[his name] Show."
The two of them tolerate each other when we all hang out together but you can tell there's a mutual dislike. My best friend has never told me I should break up with my fiance or I'm making a bad decision or anything like that, but my fiance has said I should dump my best friend and that she's "toxic" and he's "sick of her ****."
I felt bad that he said that and I didn't want to be put in the middle so I confided in my best friend about it, and she said "He tries to turn you against anyone that's standing in his way." I really didn't want to admit that she's right but she is right about that.

Earlier tonight I was texting with my best friend and she tried to tell me this as gently as possible but she said she thinks my fiance may be a narcissist. She sent me a link to a site that listed all the symptoms of narcissistic personality disorder, and unfortunately I think my fiance ticks a lot of the boxes :(

He always talks about himself. If the conversation he's involved in isn't focused on him, he redirects the conversation by talking about himself again. Everything he says pretty much starts with "I." He talks about his appearance and his achievements a lot. He tends to exaggerate. He's always the life of the party and the center of attention. He dominates all conversations. He rarely asks other people questions about themselves. He'll say "Hi, how are you" but that's about the extent of it.

He fantasizes a lot about things like being a famous pop star, driving a Mercedes, having a private jet, being a millionaire, etc. He likes to go to parties where it's likely that he'll interact with rich people and he wears mostly designer clothes and an expensive watch and stuff. Everything we buy has to be "brand name" and he spends a lot of money on things like wine, champagne, etc., not to mention clothes and shoes! He's not good at managing money and we've had some fights about it. He gets really upset when people point out that he drives a minivan.

My fiance is pretty critical of my friends, particularly the ones that are awkward or nerdy, or not super attractive, or overweight. When we're out places he points out people that aren't dressed fashionably. It bothers me and I usually tell him to stop. I have a particular friend who is a really sweet, harmless guy but he's a nerd and he's kind of socially awkward, and my fiance is always commenting about his "man boobs."

He also is really overly sensitive to criticism and will cry for like hours if someone makes a comment about his weight or points out that he has a gap between his teeth or even just gets frustrated with him. When someone doesn't like him, omg, it's like the world is ending!

My fiance is usually very well-liked in most social situations, and people find him really charming, charismatic, and attractive. One time one of my female friends jokingly said she wanted to marry him and my other friend was like "Get in line, tons of people want to marry him." He is very conventionally attractive and is definitely aware of that. Like I said before, he's kind of always the center of attention and he draws people like a magnet, especially women, which is weird because he's attracted to only men. I've gotten in some pretty aggressive (verbal) spats with women who were flirting with him.
He always thinks people are jealous of him and seems to enjoy that sentiment.

So, even with all that said, I really don't think my fiance is a bad person! :( He can be really nasty toward some other people sometimes, which I realize is a flaw and I don't like it, but he is always super sweet and affectionate to me and super protective of me, and I love him more than anything and I do want to spend the rest of my life with him. He was able to overlook my stutter and speech impediment and my C-PTSD and all my medical issues and he truly seems to love me for who I am.

If he does have narcissistic personality disorder, is there anything that can be done to help him? I don't want him to hurt people :( I love him and I don't know what to do :(
I don't buy it. I can't picture a guy that would defend you and protect you. .. I just can't see him a's a narcissist. I think your best friend may be jealous. As your have said in previous post. . the big day is coming soon and this may be her last attempt to keep her best friend all to herself. Don't really know the girl but, that's what it sounds like to me. And what's wrong with a confident guy?
 

_Lukas

Active Member
Thread starter #8
I
I don't buy it. I can't picture a guy that would defend you and protect you. .. I just can't see him a's a narcissist. I think your best friend may be jealous. As your have said in previous post. . the big day is coming soon and this may be her last attempt to keep her best friend all to herself. Don't really know the girl but, that's what it sounds like to me. And what's wrong with a confident guy?
I agree. I think the person who has an issue here is my friend, not my fiance. I talked to all my other friends about it and they were basically like "She's being immature and trying to get in the way of your wedding because she thinks you're not going to hang out with her anymore." I think they're right, she is being pretty immature, and it's annoying because she knew exactly how to get me upset!
I'm going to try to talk to her about this, I'm not a very confrontational person but I think something needs to be said to her because I don't want her to act like this at my wedding.
 

_Lukas

Active Member
Thread starter #12
Sorry for my lack of posting over the past few days, I was away for the weekend and didn't really have a chance to be around my computer.
I've actually gotten into modeling recently and I had a shoot over the weekend, my new avatar is one of the pics the photographers took.
So now you guys can see what I actually look like :p
 
#13
Sorry for my lack of posting over the past few days, I was away for the weekend and didn't really have a chance to be around my computer.
I've actually gotten into modeling recently and I had a shoot over the weekend, my new avatar is one of the pics the photographers took.
So now you guys can see what I actually look like :p
I really like the pic, (I just told you that in another post!) see I noticed it was a different pic.

Well done for doing some modelling work. Quite a difficult job for anxiety sufferers so a huge pat on the back for achieving that and I hope you get loads more shoots!

I was a film extra one time, for three days for Samba Films company, and did a magazine shoot for 'Take a break' magazine. That was at the turn of the century down on the south coast, it was great fun! (My claim to fame, LOL!)
 

_Lukas

Active Member
Thread starter #14
I really like the pic, (I just told you that in another post!) see I noticed it was a different pic.

Well done for doing some modelling work. Quite a difficult job for anxiety sufferers so a huge pat on the back for achieving that and I hope you get loads more shoots!

I was a film extra one time, for three days for Samba Films company, and did a magazine shoot for 'Take a break' magazine. That was at the turn of the century down on the south coast, it was great fun! (My claim to fame, LOL!)
Thanks! :D
I was pretty nervous and I think the photographers got a little frustrated with me lol :p My fiance would actually make a better model than me!

That's really cool! I bet you had a lot of fun doing that :)
I used to be in a band and I was in a few music videos, but I've never been in a movie or anything like that. I'm hoping to do some magazine shoots at some point!
 

Concernedgal

Well-Known Member
#15
HI lukas. You used to be in a band? That is so cool. I have always wanted to be in a band. My singing voice is amazing ( not to toot my own horn) . I was always in choir and I always got the solos. This was all before I turned 17 and my anxiety made its presence in my life. Anyways. What did you do in the band ? Did you sing,play an instrument? If my anxiety wasn't so horrible. .. I would go on one of those singing television shows. I should just to try and conquer my anxiety. ;)
 

_Lukas

Active Member
Thread starter #16
HI lukas. You used to be in a band? That is so cool. I have always wanted to be in a band. My singing voice is amazing ( not to toot my own horn) . I was always in choir and I always got the solos. This was all before I turned 17 and my anxiety made its presence in my life. Anyways. What did you do in the band ? Did you sing,play an instrument? If my anxiety wasn't so horrible. .. I would go on one of those singing television shows. I should just to try and conquer my anxiety. ;)
That would be amazing if you went on one of those singing shows! I would be your biggest fan :)

I played the drums in a band and toured with them for a while. I can actually play a few different instruments and I also used to be a DJ at a function hall. My fiance is an amazing singer and songwriter and I keep telling him he should go on America's Got Talent or The Voice (or Disco Star, which is the Polish equivalent)! We have a guitarist friend so we could have a whole band lol. :D
My fiance and I go to karaoke bars a lot :p
 

Concernedgal

Well-Known Member
#17
Who's your favorite singer or band? Mine is u2 and bands like that. But, I can also enjoy matalica and coldplay. My voicell can be compared to Sarah McLaughlin if you remember her.. if not... Google her and you will hear what I sound like.
 

_Lukas

Active Member
Thread starter #18
Who's your favorite singer or band? Mine is u2 and bands like that. But, I can also enjoy matalica and coldplay. My voicell can be compared to Sarah McLaughlin if you remember her.. if not... Google her and you will hear what I sound like.
My favorite bands are mostly Disco Polo artists lol. I was in a Disco Polo band. It's like a cross between traditional Polish music like Polka, and modern pop and dance music. My other favorite band is Pendulum, they're like a cross between hard rock and Drum & Bass. They're Australian I think. I do love Coldplay too though and a lot of other pop, dance, and rock artists. I like most genres of music.
I'm familiar with Sarah McLaughlin! You have a really amazing voice! :)
 

Concernedgal

Well-Known Member
#19
I do this thing where I sing songs that a men writes and sings and put my own spin on them. Like Coldplay's song "trouble ". I do a mean female version. I love singing and I love music. Music seem's to make sense of your emotions. Like a sad song that has the ability to describe your exact feeling or emotion that your feeling at the time . Music has the ability to cheer you up or offer a much needed distraction during anxious moments. When I'm singing.. I get into a (zone). For a few moments in my life. .. I forget. I forget about my troubles ,I forget about my anxiety and for just a brief wonderful moment... i'm normal again. That's priceless to me. And it means the world .
 
#20
Thanks! :D
I was pretty nervous and I think the photographers got a little frustrated with me lol :p My fiance would actually make a better model than me!

That's really cool! I bet you had a lot of fun doing that :)
I used to be in a band and I was in a few music videos, but I've never been in a movie or anything like that. I'm hoping to do some magazine shoots at some point!
It was really good fun too! I can't do it now though as I have two dogs and you have to be expected to leave them at any time. It would be a pain to put them into kennels on short notice so I decided not to do it any more.
 
Top