I hate being watched or observed. Any advice for this?

[DCT2019]

I'm a 20 year old male. I decided that I'm going to try to get out of my comfort zone. I went out for a short walk around my neighborhood just now. I notice I have this intense fear of being watched or looked at. During my walk I had cars riding by. I hate when cars ride by me because I feel like the person driving or the people in the car are looking at me and judging me. I had to walk near an intersection to get back to my house. I don't like when cars are stopped at an intersection and I have to cross, because I feel like everyone in their vehicles are staring at me and judging me. Judging the way I walk. Them sensing or noticing that I'm nervous or uncomfortable, and judging me for it.

I also have a fear of catching my neighbors sitting on their porch. I didn't catch anyone sitting on their porch during my walk. However, I have these thoughts like "What if I see my neighbors sitting on their porch? Should I say hello to them? Should I wave? What if they ignore me? What if I don't speak and they think I'm ignorant or rude? What if they think I'm weird?" I don't like being observed by people. It makes me uncomfortable.

Whenever my father observes me doing something he always judges or makes fun of the way I walk. He tells me I walk very stiff. Because of that I'm self-conscious of the way I walk. I always feel like people are judging the way I walk. He gives me a hard time and gets angry with me for looking nervous or uncomfortable when we're out sometimes. This is why I always feel like people can sense that I'm nervous and are going to judge me negatively.

My father always tells me, "You have to always watch your surroundings when you're out. You have to walk with your head up and your chest out. You have to man up and toughen up. You have to appear strong. You can't appear weak or scared, because people will try to harm you if you appear vulnerable." This is why I'm always a little paranoid when I'm out of my house or being watched by people, because I don't want them to think I'm weak and I don't want them to treat me like I'm nothing because of it or try to harm me.

Sorry if this is all over the place, but all in all I hate being watched or observed by people. This stems from a lot of the things my father tells me.

Any advice would be appreciated.

 

[Free_spirit]

I don't like being watched either, but it is for different reasons. I am struggling with a phobia about fear of falling. I get scared even if I am totally safe. A stranger may stare at me because I am doing odd-looking things due to my phobia.

It helps me to remember that people are usually not thinking about me at all. Most people are very self-absorbed. They are most likely thinking about themselves. I once read this great quote. "You wouldn't worry so much about what people think if you knew how little they do."

It sounds like your father has really influenced you to feel self-conscious when you go out. That's understandable, since parents are a big deal in people's lives. But even so ... you are the one who can take control of your thoughts and reactions. What I do, when I'm anxious, is sometimes use a sort of mantra. I count 5-4-3-2-1, then start over with the counting. It calms me down. I either count out loud or in my head. It helps to break through the anxiety.

 

[Claraviolet]

I know that feeling all too well. I always get tense when I am out. I have inferiority complex and I don't like people noticing me at all.
I always get conscious of my movements when I am out and that includes my workplace too. I just want to be left alone all the time.
Here are the things that I do, to take my mind off of these things:

• I listen to music all the time. It takes my mind of various things.
• I try to concentrate on the stuff that I am doing at the moment....even walking, I try to count my steps or think of something else.
• I try not to observe others at all. I try to imagine myself being alone.
• I take deep breaths from time to time.

It's not easy at all but I get by somehow. So try them.

 

[janemariesayed]

I'm a 20 year old male. I decided that I'm going to try to get out of my comfort zone. I went out for a short walk around my neighborhood just now. I notice I have this intense fear of being watched or looked at. During my walk I had cars riding by. I hate when cars ride by me because I feel like the person driving or the people in the car are looking at me and judging me. I had to walk near an intersection to get back to my house. I don't like when cars are stopped at an intersection and I have to cross, because I feel like everyone in their vehicles are staring at me and judging me. Judging the way I walk. Them sensing or noticing that I'm nervous or uncomfortable, and judging me for it.

I also have a fear of catching my neighbors sitting on their porch. I didn't catch anyone sitting on their porch during my walk. However, I have these thoughts like "What if I see my neighbors sitting on their porch? Should I say hello to them? Should I wave? What if they ignore me? What if I don't speak and they think I'm ignorant or rude? What if they think I'm weird?" I don't like being observed by people. It makes me uncomfortable.

Whenever my father observes me doing something he always judges or makes fun of the way I walk. He tells me I walk very stiff. Because of that I'm self-conscious of the way I walk. I always feel like people are judging the way I walk. He gives me a hard time and gets angry with me for looking nervous or uncomfortable when we're out sometimes. This is why I always feel like people can sense that I'm nervous and are going to judge me negatively.

My father always tells me, "You have to always watch your surroundings when you're out. You have to walk with your head up and your chest out. You have to man up and toughen up. You have to appear strong. You can't appear weak or scared, because people will try to harm you if you appear vulnerable." This is why I'm always a little paranoid when I'm out of my house or being watched by people, because I don't want them to think I'm weak and I don't want them to treat me like I'm nothing because of it or try to harm me.

Sorry if this is all over the place, but all in all I hate being watched or observed by people. This stems from a lot of the things my father tells me.

Any advice would be appreciated.

When I've taken my dogs out I feel like you do when I see someone. I feel like I should say hello or something. But I come from a time long, long ago when everyone was friendly and nice. I smile but don't always get a smile.

 

[mayabee]

I'm a 20 year old male. I decided that I'm going to try to get out of my comfort zone. I went out for a short walk around my neighborhood just now. I notice I have this intense fear of being watched or looked at. During my walk I had cars riding by. I hate when cars ride by me because I feel like the person driving or the people in the car are looking at me and judging me. I had to walk near an intersection to get back to my house. I don't like when cars are stopped at an intersection and I have to cross, because I feel like everyone in their vehicles are staring at me and judging me. Judging the way I walk. Them sensing or noticing that I'm nervous or uncomfortable, and judging me for it.

I also have a fear of catching my neighbors sitting on their porch. I didn't catch anyone sitting on their porch during my walk. However, I have these thoughts like "What if I see my neighbors sitting on their porch? Should I say hello to them? Should I wave? What if they ignore me? What if I don't speak and they think I'm ignorant or rude? What if they think I'm weird?" I don't like being observed by people. It makes me uncomfortable.

Whenever my father observes me doing something he always judges or makes fun of the way I walk. He tells me I walk very stiff. Because of that I'm self-conscious of the way I walk. I always feel like people are judging the way I walk. He gives me a hard time and gets angry with me for looking nervous or uncomfortable when we're out sometimes. This is why I always feel like people can sense that I'm nervous and are going to judge me negatively.

My father always tells me, "You have to always watch your surroundings when you're out. You have to walk with your head up and your chest out. You have to man up and toughen up. You have to appear strong. You can't appear weak or scared, because people will try to harm you if you appear vulnerable." This is why I'm always a little paranoid when I'm out of my house or being watched by people, because I don't want them to think I'm weak and I don't want them to treat me like I'm nothing because of it or try to harm me.

Sorry if this is all over the place, but all in all I hate being watched or observed by people. This stems from a lot of the things my father tells me.

Any advice would be appreciated.

I feel the exact same way!!! I hate being watched and I always feel like everyone is staring at me too. When I very first started therapy for anxiety, my therapist taught me this tapping routine and I had to rate my anxiety before and after. My anxiety was higher after then it was before I tapped. She said I was the first one! My issues with being watched stem from being bullied, mocked, and ignored throughout my childhood. The only thing that has helped for me is taking medication. It sucks, but I can’t manage my anxiety without it.

Seems to me like you may want to discuss how you feel with your dad. He may not know that what he is saying is making the paranoia situation worse. Try talking to him about how you feel. Hope everything goes well!

 

[Poppy_recreation]

I know exactly where you are coming from. Every time I go out in public I constantly feel like I'm being watched or judged, like people are making fun of me for what I'm wearing, my haircut, my weight, and so forth. It really keeps me from going out in public sometimes. It seems like your dad isn't very helpful in this either, try to ignore his negative responses and just remember people don't care! I sound like a hypocrite because I don't take this advice for myself but honestly it is true. We are all so selfish as people that we only truly pay attention to ourselves. Just try to tell yourself that no one really cares what others do and just focus on what you're doing.

 

[Peacelily]

Feeling like you're being watched because your father criticizes and judges you is a normal response. He's conditioned you to fear and be anxious by being so judgmental. So, his good intentions backfired b/c the way he's delivered his good advice to you, is the wrong way; being judgmental and critical.

Definitely give your father feedback that the way he talks to you makes you feel anxious. If he doesn't want to hear it (which will be likely b/c he is a parent), he will try to deflect and blame/shame you for the way his actions made you feel. "You're overreacting son," to "You shouldn't feel that way/that's wrong," to "You need your head examined," to "stop being so sensitive." Responses like that are toxic. Don't allow that. I know you're only 20, but if your father is overbearing, he needs to stop. Obviously, we can't change other people, we can just tell them how their actions and words make us feel and then have stronger boundaries with them moving forward.

So, make it a goal of yours to tell your father how his actions make you feel. You can't change him, but you can reflect with your words to him, the consequences that his words and actions have on you. I've done that with my overbearing parents, with toxic friendships and relationships throughout my life, and some (not my parents) have been apologetic and responsive and made and effort to be more respectful of my feelings. But a LOT of people in my life have vanished because they refused to change or respect my feelings. So, you can try saying something to your father like, "I feel anxious about myself when you criticize the way that i walk," or something where you keep the blame off your father using "I" statements. That way, he may be more willing to listen. Or, if he's hard headed and stubborn "my way is the right way, everyone else is wrong," then just make it a goal to tell him how his actions make you feel. He won't like it, but tough. Your feelings matter!

I know how you feel, b/c both of my parents were overbearing to myself and my siblings growing up. They were always projecting their fears on to their children, so now they have three adult fearful children (who manifest their anxiety in 3 different ways).

The best way to combat this fear of being watched, that you've developed, is to retrain your brain with some cognitive self-talk. Every time a thought pops into your head that you know is distorted, try to address it "I know this thought isn't true." Then, replace it with a more accurate thought, "Maybe this is what's happening instead..." If you practice doing that, you will calm yourself down. I'm practicing it a lot lately b/c I'm going through a lot of stress with my life right now that's making me feel terrible physically and emotionally.

See if that self-talk technique works. The more you practice, the more natural it will feel when you do it, and then it will become automatic.

 

[Branda]

You're not alone. I hate being watched and observed as well. It makes my anxiety go sky high.

 

[Chorizo_13]

This feeling is 99% of why I don't like exercise. I am terrified of someone seeing me working out, and judging how I am doing or the way I am doing it.

I completely understand how you feel,