I feel sad and depressed

[XmasCarol52]

Well first of all tomorrow being the 29th it will be 13 years since my husband has passed away he was only 51 when he died,on top of that Sunday will be exactly a year since my dad died.I miss my husband so much even though he was so sick I bet if he was alive right now he would stand up for me if anyone got nasty with me here where I live.I do miss my dad too.I never got to speak with him before he died.All I can remember him just laying in bed all day long with no will to live.I feel bad for my mom but all she does is sit there all day long with my dads picture on top of her lap she doesn't think of anything else and I do not think that is good for her.Then she starts to cry but knowing her the way I do she does it for attention ,because all she still talks about is God taking her,I have told her she has said that enough times right now.I know how she feels about losing a husband but for crying out loud she needs to do something.Sitting around all day and mopping isnt help her any and I always get the brunt of it too,She actually makes me anxious and depressed ,
okay chance of subject i have to see my new doctor this coming Thursday will u please pray for me that things work out alright,?????? Thank you .

 

[Concernedgal]

It's hard when you miss someone. You get a terrible loneliness and a there's a whole in your heart that can't be fixed. Moving on is near impossible. But, if your loved ones were here today,they would not want you to suffer like this. They would want you to be happy and move on. But, how can you do that when they were such a big part of your life? How? Just do it. That's all I can say. You must never forget about them however ... don't obsess over there passing either. They wouldn't want it this way.

 

[XmasCarol52]

You know what hurts the most the day my husband passed away,He had yelled for me to help him get out of bed and I know he wasnt feeling to well I was all set to call 911 but he wouldnt let me,he told me if I did he would never speak to me again,so stupid me I listened to him,I did manage to get him out of bed which was hard for me because my mobility wasnt very good,he landed on the floor i lost my temper because I was so nervous I really didnt know what to do for him so instead of yelling I just walked away into the other room I guess he tried to lift himself up then I heard a loud thump when I walked back in the room he was leaning over i saw him close his eyes and that was the end of it then I told him I was going to call 911 whether he liked it or not,knowing fully well he died,I could tell because his back wasnt moving.However i think it took ab out ten seconds before the peramedics arrived they worked on him for about a half hour and that was it.I kept checking in on him,but it was to late so now i am left wondering if I only had called 911 when I wanted to would he still be alive.I do not know perhaps not,U know i did not cry when he died i was in shock my cousin who I hadnt seen for awhile spend most of the night with me until at least 3 am.We sat on our porch it was closed in so it was nice,i was so surprised how quickly I fell asleep.At the funeral I leaned over to kiss Bob I slipt and almost fell he looked so darn peaceful.I can still see him leaning over and closing his eyes. I have his ashes with me.The kids got them for me .It is such an awful feeling losing a spouse.So I know how my mom feels.It seems like only yesterday my dad died too.

 

[janemariesayed]

Wow, your husband was so young when he passed away. What a shame that happened. You must have loved him deeply if you still feel the loss of him after all these years.

I sounds like your mum is suffering the same plight too. They wouldn't want either of you feeling like this and moping around all day. Try and chin up and enjoy the wonderful memories of the times you shared. You are still alive, so make the most of living every day.

 

[XmasCarol52]

He had parkensons,I miss our trips to the marina also use to love to go fishing with him we had a fish fight in the boat one of the fish landed right in my bra lol,i just took it out and threw it right back at him.I miss his chocolate chip or banana pancakes to we use to sit around the table outside with the kids and eat breakfast outside every morning whether permitting.It was so hard to see him suffer like that.

 

[Concernedgal]

I love you. And i'm so sorry . I can't imagine what your going through. When you speak of the day your husband passed.... it sounds like your blaming yourself and you shouldn't be. I have a feeling that your husband knew he was going to pass that morning and when you said that you were going to call 911... he didn't want that because he was suffering and I believe that he wanted to die with dignity. That's why he said he would never forgive you for calling 911. I can't imagine how you feel right now. And this man is your soul mate and I just couldn't imagine losing brian. As hard as this is for me to say... you gave your husband what he wanted before his passing....... his dignity. Please keep your head held high and for God's sake... forgive yourself .

 

[XmasCarol52]

I love you to.He was a good man before he got sick if anyone needed any help he would help them if possible.My mother called him a few names,now that he is gone she says he was a nice guy.Ya now that he can't hear her.However maybe who knows what he hears.Perhaps he is up in heaven making those pancakes.He has a place for me when my time comes.Not now though.

 

[Concernedgal]

Yep. He's making pancakes in heaven... your right. Your mother sounds like a fake person. I'm sorry if that offends you but, that's my opinion of her from what I heard from you. She called him names because he made you happy and that she didn't like that. And i'm sure that your husband will have to wait quite a while longer before you join him .

 

[XmasCarol52]

Don't worry I am not offended because it is true about my mother.She likes to take control of not only my life but my kids to,nobody want to be around here.

 

[janemariesayed]

What a funny memory of the fish down your bra! That would have looked good on a video!

Parkinsons is an awful disease and it is just as bad for the spouse to see the partner suffering. Try not to remember him that way. Instead, keep those lovely memories of your trips to the marina and that should make you smile when you remember him.

 

[Concernedgal]

Don't worry I am not offended because it is true about my mother.She likes to take control of not only my life but my kids to,nobody want to be around here.

I know I wouldn't want to be around her.

 

[XmasCarol52]

I keep ,my distance but she wants me to call her everyday and if i don't she calls me and makes it sound like something is seriously wrong when there isnt she uses the crockidile tears.I think she trys to make me feel bad and guilty too

 

[XmasCarol52]

What a funny memory of the fish down your bra! That would have looked good on a video!

Parkinsons is an awful disease and it is just as bad for the spouse to see the partner suffering. Try not to remember him that way. Instead, keep those lovely memories of your trips to the marina and that should make you smile when you remember him.

To say the least it was very slippery and stinky i had to take my top off not my bra but my tv shirt and wash myself off with the salt water,i do not want to smell like fish.lol Good thing nobody thought of smell a computer where u can smell someone.Who knows maybe that is next well that would certainly stink.lol

 

[janemariesayed]

Yes, with today's technology it is probably achievable and may already be fact. If they did become available to the general public, I wouldn't want one. I don't even have a webcam on my PC. I am too paranoid that maybe someone is watching me through it and I am unaware.

 

[XmasCarol52]

I dont have a webcam either.Who needs it?? I dont even want anything to do with facebook,instragram any social media type thing,i saw where this one girl committed suicide because they were bullying her in facebook,and after she died they even had the nerve to post good she deserved it.that is disgusting.

 

[Concernedgal]

I keep ,my distance but she wants me to call her everyday and if i don't she calls me and makes it sound like something is seriously wrong when there isnt she uses the crockidile tears.I think she trys to make me feel bad and guilty too

I have no doubt in my mind that they are crocodile tears. It's all about her. .. screw everybody else. I get so tired of people like that . News flash lady.. the world don't revole around you. Gee whiz. You want to talk... give me a call .. you do it! It shouldn't be all our responsibility to make the effort for sustaining a relationship. You gave birth to me... I was not born to satisfy your needs or your life. I mean . Come on?!!!. I deal with this with my own family. I know how you feel . I told my mom that I had heart disease and I got a simple.. (that sucks ) from my mom. I don't call her... she don't call me. She's too worried about loci g my 2 drug addict sisters and an hiv positive brother to care about me. I have you guys and that is a godsend. Thank you guys for being there for me when others don't want to be. Much love guys.

 

[janemariesayed]

I have no doubt in my mind that they are crocodile tears. It's all about her. .. screw everybody else. I get so tired of people like that . News flash lady.. the world don't revole around you. Gee whiz. You want to talk... give me a call .. you do it! It shouldn't be all our responsibility to make the effort for sustaining a relationship. You gave birth to me... I was not born to satisfy your needs or your life. I mean . Come on?!!!. I deal with this with my own family. I know how you feel . I told my mom that I had heart disease and I got a simple.. (that sucks ) from my mom. I don't call her... she don't call me. She's too worried about loci g my 2 drug addict sisters and an hiv positive brother to care about me. I have you guys and that is a godsend. Thank you guys for being there for me when others don't want to be. Much love guys.

Sorry to say this and please forgive me: What a cow your mum is! That would really upset me. She reminds me of my mother. I'm wondering if those kinds of reactions aren't narcissistic. That is the kind of comment that I get from my mum and it really does hurt my feelings. Especially after being reunited after nearly half a century. I still don't know what to do about it. I've found some videos on YouTube that I plan to watch at some point. They're about how to deal with narcissistic people. My dream is to share the love with my flesh and blood family. I've never known what it is to be in a real flesh and blood family. I don't know what it feels like. Or how I am supposed to behave when I am in their company. How am I supposed to feel, I don't know. Something I am sure of though, is sometimes they don't speak to me right. So I can relate to how you're feeling.

I was really worried when you told us the results of your test. Prayers have been sent out for you too when I get to talk with The Almighty. I always include you and @XmasCarol52 when I pray. Remember that I believe that words are vibrations and that is how prayer works I think. It's a good thing that I'm asking for so I'm sure the high vibe will direct long life and happiness vibes to both of you.

 

[XmasCarol52]

Why do our families have to treat us like dirt?My mom thinks because I have a mental illness I am stupid.She is always making stupid comment how mentally ill people arent right.What does that suppose to mean ? Not right.A mental illness is no different then a physical illness beside in a way have a physical illness because it is our brains that causes us to feel this way.I finally told my mother that I hear her say I want God to take me all the time.She needs to cool it,her responds was I aint good for anyone,she can do things if she wanted to but she refuses to do anything then she gets on m y case because I have anxieties and agoraphobia She calls it being stupid.HOw can being mentally ill make someone stupid?Thank you for the prayers i always pray for you to.I hope it helps.