I feel like im going insane, i need help

[Smonkk]

So for the longest time ive had this thing where i would think about myself developing or about to develop a serious mental illness. I would obsess over it for hours on end, i would google symptoms, check my behaviours, emotions etc to see if i show any symptoms, i would even ask friends if i show any. I feel like if i gather information about my behaviours etc then i would be able to stop whatever i could have, i even search for "hidden symptoms" or "early signs". I get frustrated and fairly anxious if im not checking my behaviours or searching symptoms. My friend said i could have OCD but im really not sure

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[Annie22]

Hey don't worry you're not alone, i've done the same thing you did... I constantly checking my pulse, i googled every symptoms i had on my body... And then i got scared that i might be having a serious illness... I do have GERD tho.

Did you perhaps scared of dying too ?

 

[Smonkk]

I dont really have a fear of dying that plagues my existence, its more of a fear of going mad, or losing control of myself. Or getting that broken mentally i go insane and commit horrible acts, i know its stupid but its like "what if it happens?" "what if i witness something traumatic and i start do terrible things?"

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[Hurt&Hopeful]

Hey there! I do this too. I think a lot of us with severe anxiety do - we feel like we're going nuts, so we worry that we actually are. It helps so much to understand the difference between anxiety /depressive disorders (including OCD), and psychotic disorders like schizophrenia. Symptoms and treatment are very different. But the main thing is that someone with something like schizophrenia is generally not aware of it. If you are worried about this and obsessing over it, you probably don't have it. You DO have an anxiety issue, though, and it's treatable. Are you in medication? Or have a therapist? My suggestion would be to get off Google and work on calming this down with some good professional help. So many of us here understand what you're going through and are here to support you through it. Best of luck!

 

[Smonkk]

No i dont have a therapist or meds. I just need to know what this is, i hate it so much

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[Hurt&Hopeful]

It's so hard, I know. If you can (I know times are crazy), I would talk to a doctor just to put your mind at ease. But I DO think you're struggling with some form of anxiety - not necessarily OCD. There are other things like Generalized Anxiety and Panic Disorder that can make your mind reel like this (believe me, I know). Here's the good news: they're treatable, and it can get better. But you need to take that first step and reach out for some help. What are your options?

 

[Siphonophorae]

Talking to others about it like this may help too. But yeah therapists and professional help are definitely good for you too! Obsessing hurts!

 

[Smonkk]

How do you know its not OCD? What if it is? What if its something else? These questions appear in my head all the time and i really hate it, generalised anxiety seems likely but then i question "what if i have something that appears like it?" "what if i have another illness?"

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[Smonkk]

And ive been reffered to see a specialist but i havent talked to anyone professional about it

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[Siphonophorae]

Might be a good idea

 

[Smonkk]

But i dont know what it is. What if i lie, what if i say something by mistake

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[Siphonophorae]

Hmm... that could be a problem... but don’t sweat it! I think if you make a mistake you can fix it in the end!

 

[Smonkk]

Maybe, i dont know. If i was obsessing over schizo, then i would mention that i could be hallucinating etc to the psychologist. I dont know... i dont know what it is, it hurts

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[Siphonophorae]

 

[Hurt&Hopeful]

How do you know its not OCD? What if it is? What if its something else? These questions appear in my head all the time and i really hate it, generalised anxiety seems likely but then i question "what if i have something that appears like it?" "what if i have another illness?"

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The 'what if' thinking is classic anxiety - I do that, too. And sorry, I didn't mean it wasn't OCD. Just meant it could be any kind of anxiety, including OCD. OCD is really misunderstood - it's very treatable and is not a death sentence if you have it! There are medications and therapies that are quite effective. I know several people with it, and they live full, productive lives because they are treating it and handling it. You need to get some help and some answers. If you already have a referral, that's great - call and make that appointment!

 

[Smonkk]

Ah thanks, it just hurts not knowing what it is if anything. I definitely know im anxious but... i really dont know

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[Smonkk]

I feel like i cant do medication or self care as i feel like i have to know what it is first before i do so

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[Siphonophorae]

Is there anything that always makes you feel better?

 

[Smonkk]

Not really, even if im doing a hobby i enjoy, the thoughts come back and the cycle continues anew

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[Hurt&Hopeful]

But i dont know what it is. What if i lie, what if i say something by mistake

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They're prepared for that! I almost wrote 'don't worry about it, ' but that's not realistic. So I'll say this: Do it anyways. Make that call - just doing that will give you some relief because it's one less thing to obsess over. Then take it one day at a time. One hour/minute at a time if you have to (that's where I am today, to be honest).