I don't want to be this way

[Larii]

Anxiety is hell. My brain is always bombarding me with intrusive thoughts and I can't take it. I constantly think something bad is going to happen to me, all day every day. I also seem to have some depression too because i completely lost interest in my hobbies. A few years ago i used to love writing on my laptop, coming up with book ideas, now i couldn't care less. I enjoyed drawing too, now i look at my drawing pad and just feel..nothing. i don't have the will to do anything besides sleep and just be sedentary. Even the thought of showering and brushing my teeth makes me irritated. And i don't have anyone to turn to irl so I'm forced to battle through this alone. I iust wish something would change

 

[FinneousRex]

Anxiety is hell. My brain is always bombarding me with intrusive thoughts and I can't take it. I constantly think something bad is going to happen to me, all day every day. I also seem to have some depression too because i completely lost interest in my hobbies. A few years ago i used to love writing on my laptop, coming up with book ideas, now i couldn't care less. I enjoyed drawing too, now i look at my drawing pad and just feel..nothing. i don't have the will to do anything besides sleep and just be sedentary. Even the thought of showering and brushing my teeth makes me irritated. And i don't have anyone to turn to irl so I'm forced to battle through this alone. I iust wish something would change

We literally have the same exact story. I 100% understand what you’re going through. I panic every second of everyday. I still work full time but I’m suffering through it. All hobbies are bleak to me (i do artsy stuff, crafting crocheting etc). I’m 24 years old, female, btw. I get up, go to work, come home, eat dinner, lay in bed and repeat. It’s a miserable way to live. Sometimes I feel the same about brushing teeth, taking showers, etc. it’s like I feel like it’s just not worth it. You wouldn’t know by looking at me. But it’s how I feel too. I’ve recently been getting a lot worse. I am trying a new hobby - photography. I have my new camera coming in today in the mail. To hopefully give me some desire. And if I end up being good I can make it into my job. On the weekend, I don’t want to be active or go out for anymore than a couple hours, as I feel I NEED to lounge around in my room/in bed for the majority of the day to feel like I actually got my day off. If I go out to do stuff, the day goes by too fast, then Monday is right around the corner. I stay up late and don’t go out as a way to “delay” the next day as much as possible. Recently I’ve been waking up from nightmares too, which is exhausting because even when I’m sleeping I don’t feel like I’m sleeping.

 

[MainerMikeBrown]

Losing the enjoyment of doing hobbies you'd normally enjoy is really hard for anyone who has this problem. And not finding any meaning in hobbies that you'd normally find a lot of meaning in is terrible as well.

I often find that if I'm depressed and don't feel like doing any of my hobbies, forcing myself to do the hobbies makes me feel better. However, it doesn't always work for me.

 

[Kjrj]

I can 100% relate to being bombarded with negative thoughts and always having the feeling of impending doom. Looking for worry over things that seem far fetched in hind site but very real at the moment. About 10 years ago I was really into photography, I even taught it locally and before that painted and sketched. Then I lost all interest in it. It feels like a different lifetime.
Nothing seems to hold my interest long, not even Tv shows or books.
What has brought me some peace however is going for walks. Whether it's at a park or going for a hike it is peaceful.
I'm pretty introverted so being around to many people really drains me.
You will come across something that Sparks your interest but looking too hard for it can be discouraging.

 

[Lanchparty7]

I spent many years at a job with a boss that was horrible in every way to work for. Through those years, I battled anxiety and constant worry but I liked the work I was doing, I took pride in it and went the extra mile despite the boss. I just blocked out all the drama as best as I could, stayed out of conflicts and worked hard from the time I clocked in until the time I clocked out. Didn’t really have hobbies back then either but I seemed to be more upbeat and enjoyed things like shopping and dining out.
My current job....is just all kinds of awful and is making my already bad anxiety much worse. I am ambivalent toward my boss...she has some good points but she is very hard to talk to (takes a lot of time off and when she is there, her door is closed or she is in “meetings), she is also a terrible communicator and leader. But the big difference between this job and the last one...I don’t like the work, the way it is produced or anything about the job. I don’t care at all about my work, I waste lots of time during the day, I don’t offer to help others and I do the bare minimum required of me. There is no reason to go the extra mile for them as it will get me nowhere because I am not in the “cool kids” club nor do I partake in their stupid ”wellness”club events that they always shove down our throats. My work misery has also completely ruined everything else for me. I go to work, come home, eat dinner and just sit alone in my room most days. Wash. Rinse. Repeat.
Also, I live in a depressing place with not much sunshine, harsh winters, unfriendly people and hardly anything interesting to do or see.

 

[Larii]

I spent many years at a job with a boss that was horrible in every way to work for. Through those years, I battled anxiety and constant worry but I liked the work I was doing, I took pride in it and went the extra mile despite the boss. I just blocked out all the drama as best as I could, stayed out of conflicts and worked hard from the time I clocked in until the time I clocked out. Didn’t really have hobbies back then either but I seemed to be more upbeat and enjoyed things like shopping and dining out.
My current job....is just all kinds of awful and is making my already bad anxiety much worse. I am ambivalent toward my boss...she has some good points but she is very hard to talk to (takes a lot of time off and when she is there, her door is closed or she is in “meetings), she is also a terrible communicator and leader. But the big difference between this job and the last one...I don’t like the work, the way it is produced or anything about the job. I don’t care at all about my work, I waste lots of time during the day, I don’t offer to help others and I do the bare minimum required of me. There is no reason to go the extra mile for them as it will get me nowhere because I am not in the “cool kids” club nor do I partake in their stupid ”wellness”club events that they always shove down our throats. My work misery has also completely ruined everything else for me. I go to work, come home, eat dinner and just sit alone in my room most days. Wash. Rinse. Repeat.
Also, I live in a depressing place with not much sunshine, harsh winters, unfriendly people and hardly anything interesting to do or see.

I can sort of relate. I had a part time time job which was really crappy. For some reason a supervisor there hated me and picked on every little thing I did. Constantly had me on guard, which no surprise worsened my anxiety. He would literally stalk my every move, and i couldn't even report him because I felt too awkward. The boss was nice but he was really hard on me, it definitely wasn't an environment for me. I enjoyed college because it was fun spending time with my friends, but this year our schedules are all different so i barely see them, which sucks. Theres literally nothing in my life i derive happiness from. A lot of guys always approach me but I never feel any interest in them at all...its like I'm emotionally cut off. I just feel sort of numb