hiraeth511
New Member
- Joined
- Apr 28, 2018
- Messages
- 9
- Reaction score
- 3
Sorry if I’m doing this wrong. I’m new to this.
I have not been diagnosed with anxiety. But if I don’t have anxiety, I don’t know what the hell is wrong with me.
First off, I live with my mom and my brother. My parents divorced when I was around 10 years old. My brother is one of the main causes of my problems, along with my dad . He verbally abused me for a very long time. My mom is a great person, but she’s not someone who I would confide in. So I can’t ask her for help. I don’t have anyone else.
At school, sometimes I have these really bad days where the whole day I feel really on edge and nervous without any real reason. I feel like this at home sometimes, but not as often as I do at school. I’ve never been good in social situations, but it’s much worse these days. I can’t ask a teacher for help or even to use the restroom now without feeling like they’re going to judge me or think I’m stupid. In class, I get distracted easily and have a hard time paying attention, even if the lesson is interesting. I don’t like being around my best friend as much as I used to. I just prefer being alone. I find ways to avoid people during lunch, such as hiding in the bathroom or going in a different classroom. I’m also much more sensitive to noise now, which is why I don’t like being in the cafeteria.
I haven’t been comfortable wearing shorts, skirts, or short sleeved T-shirts for as long as I can remember. I most definitely have thoughts about being a waste of space. I’m not physically attractive. I’m annoying, and I’m clingy. I have irrational little fears, like thinking a serial killer has broken into the house when I hear the heater making a noise. It’s stupid. I’m stupid. But I don’t understand why this has been happening.
Some more things that I’ve been experiencing are excessive tiredness, but at the same time restlessness. I avoid going to sleep because I don’t want tomorrow to come. I feel like crying if someone shows compassion towards me. If my friend does something as small as frown, I think I’ve annoyed her, and she hates me. If she ever walks away or says she has to go, I think I don’t deserve her. I don’t remember feeling truly happy for a while. All I remember is a terrible feeling of emptiness and numbness, as in not feeling anything at all, or feeling like an invisible hand was literally trying to squeeze my heart out of my chest. Speaking of which, I’ve had a noticeably dry mouth, chest pain/tightness, difficulty swallowing, and shortness of breath, even after no physical exertion.
My terrible grade on a fitness test hasn’t been helping. For a brief time after the test, I avoided eating because no one with a grade that crappy deserves to eat. Thankfully, I’ve gotten over that. But I still do have a poor appetite.
I don’t think I’m depressed. I do have self-loathing thoughts basically every day, but I don’t show some of the other major symptoms.
I don’t talk to anyone because I think that they’ll assume I’m looking for attention. I know my mom won’t believe me. When she noticed that I wasn’t eating as much, she told me to stop showing an attitude, and that she knew I was doing this for attention. I expect her to laugh at me.
My mom doesn’t understand alone time. She’s constantly saying I don’t spend time with her, and that I’m showing her an attitude. I don’t want to argue with her.
Again, sorry if I’m doing this wrong. Thanks for reading. Sorry if I wasted your time.
I have not been diagnosed with anxiety. But if I don’t have anxiety, I don’t know what the hell is wrong with me.
First off, I live with my mom and my brother. My parents divorced when I was around 10 years old. My brother is one of the main causes of my problems, along with my dad . He verbally abused me for a very long time. My mom is a great person, but she’s not someone who I would confide in. So I can’t ask her for help. I don’t have anyone else.
At school, sometimes I have these really bad days where the whole day I feel really on edge and nervous without any real reason. I feel like this at home sometimes, but not as often as I do at school. I’ve never been good in social situations, but it’s much worse these days. I can’t ask a teacher for help or even to use the restroom now without feeling like they’re going to judge me or think I’m stupid. In class, I get distracted easily and have a hard time paying attention, even if the lesson is interesting. I don’t like being around my best friend as much as I used to. I just prefer being alone. I find ways to avoid people during lunch, such as hiding in the bathroom or going in a different classroom. I’m also much more sensitive to noise now, which is why I don’t like being in the cafeteria.
I haven’t been comfortable wearing shorts, skirts, or short sleeved T-shirts for as long as I can remember. I most definitely have thoughts about being a waste of space. I’m not physically attractive. I’m annoying, and I’m clingy. I have irrational little fears, like thinking a serial killer has broken into the house when I hear the heater making a noise. It’s stupid. I’m stupid. But I don’t understand why this has been happening.
Some more things that I’ve been experiencing are excessive tiredness, but at the same time restlessness. I avoid going to sleep because I don’t want tomorrow to come. I feel like crying if someone shows compassion towards me. If my friend does something as small as frown, I think I’ve annoyed her, and she hates me. If she ever walks away or says she has to go, I think I don’t deserve her. I don’t remember feeling truly happy for a while. All I remember is a terrible feeling of emptiness and numbness, as in not feeling anything at all, or feeling like an invisible hand was literally trying to squeeze my heart out of my chest. Speaking of which, I’ve had a noticeably dry mouth, chest pain/tightness, difficulty swallowing, and shortness of breath, even after no physical exertion.
My terrible grade on a fitness test hasn’t been helping. For a brief time after the test, I avoided eating because no one with a grade that crappy deserves to eat. Thankfully, I’ve gotten over that. But I still do have a poor appetite.
I don’t think I’m depressed. I do have self-loathing thoughts basically every day, but I don’t show some of the other major symptoms.
I don’t talk to anyone because I think that they’ll assume I’m looking for attention. I know my mom won’t believe me. When she noticed that I wasn’t eating as much, she told me to stop showing an attitude, and that she knew I was doing this for attention. I expect her to laugh at me.
My mom doesn’t understand alone time. She’s constantly saying I don’t spend time with her, and that I’m showing her an attitude. I don’t want to argue with her.
Again, sorry if I’m doing this wrong. Thanks for reading. Sorry if I wasted your time.
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