I can't do this anymore

E.B · Jan 24, 2022

I understand your stress. I also understand the feeling about not wanting to be around anyone, I become the same way. Have you tried reaching out for professional help?

I do believe you are ok health wise.

E.B · Jan 24, 2022

Maybe send an update and say you are really struggling?

Jonathan123 · Jan 24, 2022

Always_Scared said:
This back and forth battle in my head is killing me

I just know it's cancer!!! Everything I read yells cancer. But I am absolutely numb with fear! Terrified to death of going to get it checked out. This is a living nightmare that will only end in death.
I spend my whole day just crying and checking for more symptoms of spread. I don't want to be around anyone. and it's so hard to act normal around my family and pretend nothing is wrong. My kids can't understand why I seem so sad.

I effin HATE THIS!

Oh dear oh dear!!!! When will we stop reading about illness and frightening ourselves? 'Everything you read' you say. Where and when do you read it? Who do you listen to? Your doctor is the only person to listen to and it seems you have seen them to be on meds. What did they say when you went? You don't have to pretend nothing is wrong because nothing is. I assume your doctor has told you that.
'When in a hole stop digging'. Go back to your GP and tell them how you feel, or better still get some professional help. You hate feeling as you are! Of course you do, we all do, but hate is a powerful emotion and can only increase the anxiety. 'Only end in death'. So you have made your mind up about that! Can you see that it is just that kind of thinking that is perpetuating the anxiety? Now I am not for one moment minimising your fears. I do know. Controlling such thoughts and fears is nigh impossible in acute anxiety. But it can be done given the will and total acceptance. Instead of talking about death think of life. You have kids and they are life. I am sure they can't understand if they are too young, but kids do pick up atmospheres and emotions. Think of how they feel if mum is so sad. You don't have cancer and you are not going to die. GOT IT!!!

MATD · Jan 24, 2022

Your self doubt keeps you from believing. Anxiety is called the doubting disease for a reason. It’s Only Anxiety by Carl James and Hope and Help For Your Nerves by Dr Claire Weekes. These books teach the acceptance method for anxiety recovery. The method works if you give it a chance. “I can’t do this anymore.” I wish I had a nickel for every time I said this, cause I’d be rich! You will simply keep on in the same manner until you actually do something about your anxiety that works. I know, I’ve been right where you are. Get the books. Make the effort to help yourself in a positive way. I can guarantee the method works, just don’t expect it to be a magic pill, it involves facing your fear and challenging it.

Josh8756 · Jan 25, 2022

Hey I am new on Here but you are pretty much the exact same as me for the last 17 years I have been scared of cancer pretty much any symptoms I get is cancer cancer cancer. I don’t even care about covid but if it was cancer spreading around instead of covid I would be shitting my pants. I had a blood blister under my tongue in the past week first thought cancer didn’t leave bed for 3 days until it started to go away but that is just one out of hundreds of over times I thought I had cancer and I am scared to go to the doctor and to get a blood test worst fear ever. Antidepressants have never really helped me but the only thing that helps a little is lorazepam thank god for that drug

Josh8756 · Jan 25, 2022

Well you need to talk to someone because that helps trust me. I am lucky I have a mum who listens to me and tells me you will be fine. Have you taken a benzodiazepine before?

Josh8756 · Jan 25, 2022

Ok so does it relax you? You need to try going for walks helps me very hard to get motivated but trust me it works

Corey05 · Jan 25, 2022

I just want to share that I too struggle big time with cancer fears too. Every feeling I feel in my body goes to cancer. I overanalyze everything almost on a daily basis, it is so exhausting living like this and trying to be strong for my family. Sometimes I feel great, and I take those moments in because they do not last long.

The biggest thing I have learned over the past almost 2 years of this, is that I learned how to manage the fear better and not let it fully take over. Doing things to take your mind off of it helps. It sounds cliche, but for me, spending time with my 4 year old daughter really helps. I think of it as that i have no idea how long I will have with her, so I try to enjoy the most of my time with her as I can.

Jonathan123 · Jan 25, 2022

Always_Scared said:
"You don't have cancer and you are not going to die. GOT IT!!!"

Thank you, Jonathan, for your encouragement I truly wish I could believe you. I want to believe you

Always_Scared said:
Welcome to the board Josh

You sound just like me. It really sucks living like this. I literally just came out of my bathroom after just having a crying meltdown. No one in my family knows what I'm going through. I hide it. It's so exhausting living this way. My brain is a constant battle

'A constant battle'. Once again those words come up. Fight, struggle, battle. You make a battleground in your mind by trying to fight 'IT' off. What happens to a soldier in a battleground? The adrenaline reaches a high peak, it has to for him to be able to fight. Now the very last thing you want is more adrenaline, you have released enough of that already. Calm acceptance is still the answer. Not easy? Of course not, but what is in anxiety? Every human fears death, and anxiety simply adds to that fear. Cancerphobia, because that's what it is, can take some shifting, but by calm acceptance of the thoughts it can be done. We hear so many tales about it that it takes the forefront in health anxiety. An obsession with some particular complaint is what HA is about. If you have been checked out and told you are OK, BELIEVE THEM! Contrary to what many think, they do know what they are talking about. Many are afraid to go to their GP for fear of what may be found. But do so if only for reassurance, which you will surely get.

E.B · Jan 25, 2022

One thing that this shows is that you are not alone in those who are opposite of the stereotypical run to the doctor. We will persevere.

Nano22 · Feb 8, 2022

Always_Scared said:
This back and forth battle in my head is killing me

I just know it's cancer!!! Everything I read yells cancer. But I am absolutely numb with fear! Terrified to death of going to get it checked out. This is a living nightmare that will only end in death.
I spend my whole day just crying and checking for more symptoms of spread. I don't want to be around anyone. and it's so hard to act normal around my family and pretend nothing is wrong. My kids can't understand why I seem so sad.

I effin HATE THIS!

Your post makes me cry because I can empathize with you. The struggle is too hard. I do phone calls with my therapist but I don’t think it helps. I’m going to try to find someone who will see me in office. That seems to work better for me.

Jennyss2159 · Feb 10, 2022

Always_Scared said:
This back and forth battle in my head is killing me

I just know it's cancer!!! Everything I read yells cancer. But I am absolutely numb with fear! Terrified to death of going to get it checked out. This is a living nightmare that will only end in death.
I spend my whole day just crying and checking for more symptoms of spread. I don't want to be around anyone. and it's so hard to act normal around my family and pretend nothing is wrong. My kids can't understand why I seem so sad.

I effin HATE THIS!

I felt this on a personal level. I have been struggling badly for about 17 days thinking it was a heart attack then a brain Aneurysm now with both of those being negative (thank God) I'm convinced I have cancer. I can't sleep, can't eat, nothing. I am beyond miserable and the nights seem to be the worst. I do find comfort in knowing I'm not alone but I really wouldn't wish these thoughts on my worst enemy. I see you say your family doesn't know about it. If you need someone to talk to you can message me. Thankfully I have support from my sis so I know how much just telling someone about how I'm feeling can help.

NKS · Feb 10, 2022

I feel like I wrote this. I currently “know”
I have cancer. It’s too terrifying to get it checked out and so I live in fear of everything. Why is it like this? You’re not alone. But it sucks.

Nano22 · Feb 10, 2022

NKS said:
I feel like I wrote this. I currently “know”
I have cancer. It’s too terrifying to get it checked out and so I live in fear of everything. Why is it like this? You’re not alone. But it sucks.

I feel the exact same way. I just “know” too. I am so afraid to go to dr. I know what will happen. I will be sent for tests and the excruciating anxiety going for the test and waiting for the results makes me not able to go. I have already cancelled two tests my dr set up for me.
I’m sorry you go through this too. Seems like there are many of us who do.

I can't do this anymore

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