I can't believe I'm in the dark place.. AGAIN!

[Anxiety-a-Plenty]

Hello, all.

I'm new to the forum and have decided to speak with like minded peoole.

My original story is life long, so I'll spare you 34 years of sadness. I'll start more recently. In 2015, my eye began to twitch. Didnt really think much of it at first, but the problem continued. Of course I went to Dr. Google, and ALS came up. That resulted in a year of absolute terror. Doctors visit, increasing symptoms, and just overall fear. Eventually, I just moved on. Since then I've been having episodes of ALS every year or so. When it starts, I'm always convienced that this is it! I've had almost every symptom of ALS. Swallowing issues, speech problems, muscle aches..etc The twitching in my musles comes and goes, but has been with me since the start in some capacity. Of course my family doesn't listen, but who could blame them? I'm currently going through my dark phase again. That started a few weeks ago with nerve pain in my elbow. The doctors said it was Golf Elbow, but the symptoms have turned into pain and twitching in my thumb, neck and back pain, and just an overall weird feeling. Everytime this starts, I literally can't remember how it ends. The concerning part for me is the thought that, "What if this time its real." I take anxiety meds, but I don't think it's working. I feel myself slipping back into depression. I don't want to eat, I don't want to interact., I just want to lay around. I honestly don't know what to do anymore.

 

[Cuchculan]

Let us pretend you really have ALS. How exactly do think you would feel? Remember symptoms of something so serious don't come and go. They would always be there with you. Talking 24/7. No let up at all. I know you mentioned some pains you are having. They don't seem as serious, to me, as an ALS sufferer. Somebody who is bad with ALS. You began in 2015 in your post. If we want to date it back that far, by now you would be close to death. I don't believe you are that bad. You say yourself you just want to lay around. This in itself would cause back ache and the likes. You are getting no exercise at all.

This is something you have simply let take over your life. A big fear. One you know all the symptoms of. So the mind can take over and mimic those very symptoms. Bit like people who focus on their hearts all day. They will think they are feeling a pain. Think their hearts missed a beat. Because they have the heart on their minds. Once something like this kicks in you will have what I like to call ' Ghost Symptoms '. Things you have read about. Things you have looked up. But all this time it is not that you have got any worse. So try ask yourself why ALS seems to progress slower in you? If anybody else had ALS for this amount of time they would be at a certain stage with the condition.

I am more trying to make you reason with yourself. Use some logic. That maybe all these pains and other things are something else. Anxiety can cause a lot of what you mentioned. Plus lack of exercise. Bad eating. Well hardly eating at all. You don't see things getting better. I don't see things getting worse. ( Meaning the ALS ) It is getting you down. You want answers. You want to see some sort of improvement. These are the hardest things to just make happen. It might mean us changing a lot about ourselves. Even to how we think. It is like a chain that only you can break. You feel an ache. That ache leads to a thought. That thought can lead to symptoms. Overall it can change your mood. They are all linked together. If you can change the thought process, the rest will all change too. It can involve some hard work. But the results are worth it. You will have bad days. You will have good days. You will have setbacks. Case of just keep pushing yourself. Even if that means fighting through such times that you are going through right now. Days when you want to do nothing at all. To even do something small would be a victory. One you can build on. Once you prove to yourself that you can do things on the hardest of days.

Case of don't let the mind win. At the moment the mind is in control of how you are feeling. It is telling you, you have this ALS. It is winning the battle. Time to start fighting back. You can sit there all day and do nothing at all. That will just have you feeling the same way tomorrow. And the day after that. Come the end of the day you are your own boss. Is up to you what you do with your life. I know it is not easy. I know it won't be easy. Not just yet. It does get easier with time. Bit like exposure to something new. It is always hard at first. But the more you do it the easier it gets. One you get used to the new feelings it brings with it. There is a road back. More a case of do you want to take it?

 

[Anxiety-a-Plenty]

Let us pretend you really have ALS. How exactly do think you would feel? Remember symptoms of something so serious don't come and go. They would always be there with you. Talking 24/7. No let up at all. I know you mentioned some pains you are having. They don't seem as serious, to me, as an ALS sufferer. Somebody who is bad with ALS. You began in 2015 in your post. If we want to date it back that far, by now you would be close to death. I don't believe you are that bad. You say yourself you just want to lay around. This in itself would cause back ache and the likes. You are getting no exercise at all.

This is something you have simply let take over your life. A big fear. One you know all the symptoms of. So the mind can take over and mimic those very symptoms. Bit like people who focus on their hearts all day. They will think they are feeling a pain. Think their hearts missed a beat. Because they have the heart on their minds. Once something like this kicks in you will have what I like to call ' Ghost Symptoms '. Things you have read about. Things you have looked up. But all this time it is not that you have got any worse. So try ask yourself why ALS seems to progress slower in you? If anybody else had ALS for this amount of time they would be at a certain stage with the condition.

I am more trying to make you reason with yourself. Use some logic. That maybe all these pains and other things are something else. Anxiety can cause a lot of what you mentioned. Plus lack of exercise. Bad eating. Well hardly eating at all. You don't see things getting better. I don't see things getting worse. ( Meaning the ALS ) It is getting you down. You want answers. You want to see some sort of improvement. These are the hardest things to just make happen. It might mean us changing a lot about ourselves. Even to how we think. It is like a chain that only you can break. You feel an ache. That ache leads to a thought. That thought can lead to symptoms. Overall it can change your mood. They are all linked together. If you can change the thought process, the rest will all change too. It can involve some hard work. But the results are worth it. You will have bad days. You will have good days. You will have setbacks. Case of just keep pushing yourself. Even if that means fighting through such times that you are going through right now. Days when you want to do nothing at all. To even do something small would be a victory. One you can build on. Once you prove to yourself that you can do things on the hardest of days.

Case of don't let the mind win. At the moment the mind is in control of how you are feeling. It is telling you, you have this ALS. It is winning the battle. Time to start fighting back. You can sit there all day and do nothing at all. That will just have you feeling the same way tomorrow. And the day after that. Come the end of the day you are your own boss. Is up to you what you do with your life. I know it is not easy. I know it won't be easy. Not just yet. It does get easier with time. Bit like exposure to something new. It is always hard at first. But the more you do it the easier it gets. One you get used to the new feelings it brings with it. There is a road back. More a case of do you want to take it?

I'm truly sorry for your ALS diagnosis. My heart goes out to you and your family. Its not that I think I've had ALS since 2015. It's that I have episodes where I believe I exhibit symptoms. The scary part for me is each episode presents the real possibility that this is it. I have two young children. My father died when I was 2. I know what it's like to grow up wishing you knew your dad. I don't want that for my kids. Wish i wasn't so fearful

 

[Cuchculan]

I never had ALS. I was saying let's pretend you did, for the sake of the post. Right now what are doing? Not been bad here. But we call it feeling sorry for yourself. We have all done it at some point in time. Doing it gets a person nowhere at all. My whole point was to get up and start doing things. Even small things. I don't believe you have ALS. I believe you think you have it. Because you looked it up on the net. You saw symptoms. You began to think you were having the same symptoms. Which could just as easily be symptoms of anxiety too.