I am scared alllllll the tiiiiiiime

[Beastmode]

i have had anxiety all my life. And no one around me understands it. I am scared all the time. I don’t even know from what. I feel trapped. I haven’t really lived my life yet. I feel the day I overcome my anxiety would be the first day of my life. I know I am going to overcome it one day. I just do. I have to.

I really wish to know if this sentence means anything to someone other than me:

I am mostly functional when I am standing still. I cannot seem to function when I am in motion.

Please comment on this sentence because I find this reality of mine very strange and I would like to know if I am alone in this.

Thanks

 

[janemariesayed]

i have had anxiety all my life. And no one around me understands it. I am scared all the time. I don’t even know from what. I feel trapped. I haven’t really lived my life yet. I feel the day I overcome my anxiety would be the first day of my life. I know I am going to overcome it one day. I just do. I have to.

I really wish to know if this sentence means anything to someone other than me:

I am mostly functional when I am standing still. I cannot seem to function when I am in motion.

Please comment on this sentence because I find this reality of mine very strange and I would like to know if I am alone in this.

Thanks

You are not alone Beastmode. We all suffer our anxieties in different ways and there are many symptoms. In a sense, I am more functional when I am still. As I am best on the computer writing and doing things on the web. My ill mental health does not always allow me to do things like housework and gardening. If I come away from the pc I go to my bed. If I can have a day where I don't go back to my bed I consider it a success.

 

[Beastmode]

Thank you Jane Marie Sayed.

It is hard for me to leave my house everyday. And this is preventing me from having a job. I already struggle with doing things inside my house. Even Taking a shower demands a big effort from me. They call me couch potato.but they don’t understand.
Now this is affecting my son. Since I don’t have a car, I find it so frustrating to get him ready to go out, use public transportation with a fussy toddler. By the time we get to the place we are going I am already drained and edgy. And it scares me to death knowing that it is going to take us forever going back home using public transportation in case he tantrums.
My partner tells me, “why don’t you go out? Just take your kid and go. Have some fun. Everyone does it.”
But where is the fun in the scenario I described? It only drains me more. And guess what. I will need to find the energy to take care of my child and absorb his tired fussy mood when we get back home after a long day out.

People tell me “what is the big deal? You need to toughen up...”

Honestly, I fear the outside world. The more I am physically in motion, the more I find myself less in control of the environment around me. With every step I take I have to weigh my surrounding “where am I now? What is around me? Are there any threats?” It is a constant reoccurring process of me being alert all the time. Believe me it is no fun for me going out.
Exercise and physical activity is the worst thing I might do. It takes tremendous efforts for me to take the decision of working out. For me, in order to feel safe, I need to freeze. But with time, freezing is bringing me more anxiety. It is such a vicious circle and I do not know what to do.
Please help

 

[janemariesayed]

I'm wondering if it's not post-natal depression that you have @Beastmode, See a doctor and get some therapy. Talking to a professional will get to the root of the cause. You are definitely depressed and I understand how you are feeling. I feel the same and get very lethargic.

The way forward is will power. You also seem agoraphobic. Meds might help you. I'll post something on the YouTube thread today for you. I find that subliminal's really help me when I am on a low. When I am on a low I am like you and don't do a thing. I even find it hard to come online and do something. I just go to my bed or watch telly and doss. Then I watch a subliminal 'anti procrastination' video and before I know it I am up and about doing bits and bobs without having thought about it.

So I'll post one for you on the YouTube thread in a minute and if you listen to it when you have the time it should work for you. Good luck and let me know how it goes. You are amongst understanding friends here.

Don't be too hard on your family. Forgive them because they don't know. They love you, they just don't realise.

 

[Claraviolet]

We all have differed fears and its diffcult to even understand others. I highly doubt anyone can understand other folks completely. I am afraid of touching people.
In my profession this is just unacceptable and they treat me like an animal in zoo, most of the time. I know that it's diffcult to understand others fears but try to overcome that.

When I became aware of my fears, I started to notice some patterns. If I wash my hands right after giving a firm handshake or use a sanitizer , I don't get the disgusted feeling. I do fear to touch initially and most of the time, I have to think of them as air, to even... do it.
So, try to note down how exactly you are feeling and at what circumstances. If possible, try to think of how to avoid them.
If you can't come up with anything, try to think of something else ...when you are going through them.

You said, you are afraid of everything. Write down that 'everything'. By what I observe, I believe you are afraid of 'control'
Control over circumstances, situations, decisions what not. This is just my assumption.
So, please note down what you mean by everything and let me whether I got or not.
We are all here to help one another and it's normal. I don't care what others definition for normal is to be honest.

 

[Beastmode]

I'm wondering if it's not post-natal depression that you have @Beastmode, See a doctor and get some therapy. Talking to a professional will get to the root of the cause. You are definitely depressed and I understand how you are feeling. I feel the same and get very lethargic.

The way forward is will power. You also seem agoraphobic. Meds might help you. I'll post something on the YouTube thread today for you. I find that subliminal's really help me when I am on a low. When I am on a low I am like you and don't do a thing. I even find it hard to come online and do something. I just go to my bed or watch telly and doss. Then I watch a subliminal 'anti procrastination' video and before I know it I am up and about doing bits and bobs without having thought about it.

So I'll post one for you on the YouTube thread in a minute and if you listen to it when you have the time it should work for you. Good luck and let me know how it goes. You are amongst understanding friends here.

Don't be too hard on your family. Forgive them because they don't know. They love you, they just don't realise.

Where can I find your video on YouTube? Is there a link?

 

[Beastmode]

Where can I find your video on YouTube? Is there a link?

We all have differed fears and its diffcult to even understand others. I highly doubt anyone can understand other folks completely. I am afraid of touching people.
In my profession this is just unacceptable and they treat me like an animal in zoo, most of the time. I know that it's diffcult to understand others fears but try to overcome that.

When I became aware of my fears, I started to notice some patterns. If I wash my hands right after giving a firm handshake or use a sanitizer , I don't get the disgusted feeling. I do fear to touch initially and most of the time, I have to think of them as air, to even... do it.
So, try to note down how exactly you are feeling and at what circumstances. If possible, try to think of how to avoid them.
If you can't come up with anything, try to think of something else ...when you are going through them.

You said, you are afraid of everything. Write down that 'everything'. By what I observe, I believe you are afraid of 'control'
Control over circumstances, situations, decisions what not. This is just my assumption.
So, please note down what you mean by everything and let me whether I got or not.
We are all here to help one another and it's normal. I don't care what others definition for normal is to be honest.

Thank you for your message. It feels good to talk about my anxiety with people who understand anxiety.

The reason why I fear the outside world is because growing up, people outside my home would hurt me. When I was 2-3years old, my mom would take me to play with the kids of the concierge from our building. But instead, i was being sexually abused by the concierge on regular basis. No one knew except later, when the damage was already done. This trauma made me become timid and introverted. When I started going to school, kids bullied me because of my timid, depressed state.
I have been lonely for a lonnng time. I didn’t know what play was anymore. No play, no friends, no happiness. And I grew up learning that every time I was gonna be outside my home I will be attacked. It is like releasing a domestic animal in the wilderness. Fight or flight is always running in my veins. I feel the constant rush under my skin. This is very stressful. My life experience taught me that people are not nice. I learned to avoid them. And if present around them, my state of mind is always focused on being ready for being attacked by them which I know will happen (although realistically they might not want to attack me). Thus, I did not build the social skills that are necessary for me to go on in my life. Now, 30 Year’s later, I feel lonely, old, miserable and exhausted.

 

[Claraviolet]

Thank you for your message. It feels good to talk about my anxiety with people who understand anxiety.

The reason why I fear the outside world is because growing up, people outside my home would hurt me. When I was 2-3years old, my mom would take me to play with the kids of the concierge from our building. But instead, i was being sexually abused by the concierge on regular basis. No one knew except later, when the damage was already done. This trauma made me become timid and introverted. When I started going to school, kids bullied me because of my timid, depressed state.
I have been lonely for a lonnng time. I didn’t know what play was anymore. No play, no friends, no happiness. And I grew up learning that every time I was gonna be outside my home I will be attacked. It is like releasing a domestic animal in the wilderness. Fight or flight is always running in my veins. I feel the constant rush under my skin. This is very stressful. My life experience taught me that people are not nice. I learned to avoid them. And if present around them, my state of mind is always focused on being ready for being attacked by them which I know will happen (although realistically they might not want to attack me). Thus, I did not build the social skills that are necessary for me to go on in my life. Now, 30 Year’s later, I feel lonely, old, miserable and exhausted.

It's normal to feel like that after what you have been through. There are many situations which lead to a trauma. It's difficult to consult someone as a kid and after the damage is done, it can never be undone. Still, we try to do what we can to overcome that. If it's not troubling our daily life, then we can ignore it a bit. In your case though, it's making you miserable. So, you should try to overcome that. Its not going to be easy at all. In fact, it's the hardest part. It's easier said than done, applies to us, to be honest. If only we could change the past, we might have had a different future. But now, it's us and we know our limits as well. So, it's about time to test them. Here are my suggestions for you:
1. Try to talk to people like family members who know your situation.
2. Take a walk outside from time to time and if you feel like your anxiety is creeping in, try to distract yourself with something.
3. You are normal. Keep repeating that for yourself and accept yourself.
4. Try to trust people. Believe me trust would do miracles.
5. Do not try to get discouraged if you couldn't do much. Just think positively.